How can I tell if my son is gay?!!! I checked 'History' & saw he'd been on gay sites on different occasions!!!

Question

He's 17 and he's very fashionable, he works in a fashion clothing shop, his colleagues on work nights out go to gay clubs, so he tags along with them.
Although, he hasn't got any gay mannerisms in the slightest!!. He has got quite a few female friends.
The sites he's been on are "gay chat" and images of gay guys!!!
Can you just assume from this that he's gay? what other signs are there to look out for? he's had one girlfriend a few yrs back, but hasn't had one since. Do you think that I should pass it as NORMAL and that he's probs just curious about the whole gay thing or should I talk to him? he'll probs deny it tho!!!

How do I approach the situation?

Answer 1

Well, I may be a 15 year old gay male, but I know what I'm talking about. First, I kinda have to agree to the other guy(sorry for not naming him) but it is kind of your son's privacy what he does. Though, you are a mother and you do get concerned, which is very much okay for you to do. Just to tell you, I know that you might not want to hear it, but if he is gay and is looking at pictures of males for sexual erosion, he's a boy and amles do that, gay or straight. Though as a mother, you might wanna discuss it w/ him(or maybe not). Bottom line is for all you know, it's a coinsidence, or maybe he's just experimenting. Believe it or not, I had a girlfriend in 5th grade, though I knew I was gay, I was just experimenting(i'm a lucky one who's known since the beginning of my sexual orientation). Like everyone says, he's your son. Don't lose him for something foolish because doesnt like something that other boys do. If you really are concerned and love him, then you might wanna aproach him and ask him. And if he says Yes, then please be very acceptable, because in the long run, he may be the closest thing you ever had(I mean, he did live in you r stomach for 9months, how much closer can ya get lol) and if he says no, then just say" OK" now, if you still think he's hiding it, let him know that your there for him, for anything, but don't push it. If he is gay, he'll come out when he's ready. Hope this helps, and keep me in contact if anything else occurs for personal health. Let me know what you've done and how it goes^_^

Answer 2

First, homosexuality IS normal, there's nothing abnormal about it, heterosexuality is more common, not more normal.

It's a natural and normal occurrence, don't belittle us by acting like it's otherwise.

Now if you want to know, if he has a gay friend, maybe ask his gay friend.

The other way is to ask what he thinks of gay people, then tell him one of your coworkers is gay, and you're fine with it, but you don't know if you should act different around this coworker. This will signal to him that it's okay to talk to you about his sexuality, that you will accept him.

Do not just go up to him and ask or accuse, it will likely scare him off.

Also take some time to come to terms with the fact that he may be in fact gay, give yourself some time to breathe and cope.

So cope with it first, brace yourself in case he is, get to know the subject matter and so on, maybe look at PFLAG http://pflag.org/

Also, realize that if he is gay, it doesn't change that he is your son, and this doesn't change him. He can live a very good life, full of happiness and fulfillment. This is just a small fact about him, and if he tells you, he's just being honest. But it in no way, shape, or form defines him, it only tells you which gender he is attracted to and can love, nothing more. You cannot infer anything else from his being gay.

Oh and another thing to know is that if he has older brothers, each older brother increases his chances of being gay by 33%, though this only holds true for 1/7 of the gay population, so it's not absolute, but it's the best measure so far.

Answer 3

Did he also go to female porn sites or just gay? I would approach this as a loving mother who will love their son regardless of his sexuality. I wouldn't tell him you looked at the history on he computer but I would let him know that you love him and maybe in time he will feel he can "come out". Until then just enjoy having a loving son. They grow up and move away before you know it.

Answer 4

Stay out of it at this point. I can't recommend anything stronger to you.

Men visit all kinds of sites on the internet, by the way. If you had a magic wand and could see what internet sites every male sitting in your church or synagogue visited you probably would be shocked.

There probably isn't a straight man alive in a developed, industrial country who has not visited a gay chat room.

Good luck to you dear. I am sure your son is fine, no matter what his orientation may be. He should be commended for having a steady job at the ripe old age of 17.

Answer 5

Take a big breath and relax! If you go into this with anything but a loving, supportive attitude, you'll scare your son away. Be as open and honest as you can without all the emotion. Let him know that he is loved and accepted, no matter what his sexual orientation might be. If he does tell you he's gay, just know it's not the end of the world. After all, isn't his happiness the most important thing?

Answer 6

First thing, if he is gay, are you going to still love him just as you always have. I don't need to know the answer, he does. Open up a dialog with him. Let him know that no matter what, he is still your son and you will always love him. Being gay is only one aspect of a complex thing that is called the human being. Just ask him. You will gain a new insight into that wonderful being you brought to this earth and maybe in the process, a little better understanding about yourself.

Answer 7

I am a gay man 42 and loving life. I offer this advice to you.... Confront your son, it may be too hard for him to open up to you. Get into a VERY calm place, n o people around, and just tell him how much you love him and accept the silly things he does, you are his mom first and foremost. Allow him to feel open and to have a sense of comfort that he will tell you. Or simply ask him if he is gay. You might get an ear full of denial, or he may be so relieved that he tears out of happieness to have this off his shoulders.

However it goes, if you are religious, pray to G-d and ask for support and help through this matter, He loves you and wants to help.

Best to you both,

Bubba

Answer 8

Gee Shirlee, it has been a while since you posted a question.
What have you been doing all this time.

Still haven't figured it out yet? All the signs are there.

Sit down and ask him (if you really do have a son). Just know how you intend to react if he tells you he is gay. For him that is normal.


Edit: Changing your nickname from Shirlee to Leanne, isn't going to help you/

Answer 9

Just ask him.
Telling him that you've gone through his "history" on his computer will do nothing but lose his trust in you.
There is the possibility he is simply very supportive of the Gay community, when "we" chat it isn't always because we are looking to "hook up" or something like that......
Either way you have to realize he hasn't changed from the person he always was, your view of him is what has changed. Show your love for him and support his happiness. Be there for him.

Answer 10

Just ask him. Is it the end of the world if he's gay? Not really. Maybe he is, maybe he isn't. Is gay porn the ONLY porn he's been looking at? If not, he could have easily stumbled onto gay porn accidentally. He could have just been curious as to what was on gay porn sites - that alone wouldn't necessarily mean that he's gay.

Regardless of the answer, love him and be open to hear what he has to say.