Is my 8 yr old daughter depressed?

Question

My daughter doesn't smile much anymore and always in her room, I have noticed a change with her when I started to date my hubby now, 3 yrs in total. He is very stricked with her, and I am more layed back. There is no sexual or phyical abuse going on, but I think maybe mental. She only acts sad when he's around, and when he leaves she is back to her bubbly self again.
She wants to move away, what should I do? I have a 8 month old baby with him, should I leave cause my daughter is so unhappy or should I stay and try to help her?

I have talked to her, she say's he's mean, but i dont know if she is depressed or not use to the rules of the house.
We are very close, her dad is close with her to, takes her every week-end. Im not a Dr so that's why I am asking here hoping that maybe somebody knows the symptoms of depression.

ok, first off, I am a great mother, and there is no SEXUAL abuse because I am with her all the time, since i am a stay home mom. Why do people assume that right away!! and honestly if i had any thought in my mind that there was phyiscal and sexual abuse you think I would be here asking ?? Give me a break!

Answer 1

Wow you have had a couple of really crappie answers. Along with some extremely stupid ones.. Those people should be ashamed. I take it he doesn’t have kids so this is his first experience and has forgotten what its like to be a kid or he was a brat when he was younger.

I can relate to this one 100% I’m guilty of this too. I’m the easy going one who needed to become a bit tougher. Which now I am doing. It’s bloody hard at times but it is a weakness I have. Yet my son is seeing the whys I am being this way. I told him flat out I have been too easy with him and need to show more responsibly towards him. He accepts it and respects the why and change, he is older then your daughter thou (12). So it is a bit easier for him to understand.

I don’t think she is depressed, she feels likes he is being picked on. She also feels your are on his side more then hers... To her it feels as thou she can’t do anything right in his eyes. So of course she is backing away. Keep in mind she has two role different personalities in the house. Mom who is easy going (normally its dad…lol) and then the step dad who is tough who wants rules followed. This hard for any kid to take. Also her real dad doesn’t live with her so of course he will be gentler, kinder and want to do more with her because she isn’t around all the time. She needs to understand that too!!!!!!….

By the sounds of it you’re not going to get all the story from her. So you are going to have to talk with your hubby. He needs to back down a bit, even thou I’m sure most of his rules are nothing major... It’s just different from mom and dad. He needs to let her slide on some things so she can enjoy herself a bit. He needs to understand this. Make him see the other side. And tell him what it’s doing to her. You will see some change in him and he will have to learn to accept it.

You need to give tough love to BOTH OF THEM

Also you will have to change a bit too... I’m sorry to say... But now you too need to be a bit tougher so that she knows your not backing down and letting him do all the talking and complaining (I know not the right words but I think you get the idea), Have a really good talk with her and tell her you have been too easy going and need to change a bit too.
She will respect your faults because you where honest and upfront. Kids are not as naïve as we wish they where at times.

He is appearing as the bad guy. Which isn’t fair because both of you have different parenting ideas.

Anyways. I know I haven’t given you any real insight or good ideas its one of those things you need to help make a happy middle for everyone’s sake. Look at it from all aspects and see what can be done to change things a bit.

Answer 2

why are you staying with a man that is obviously mentally abusing your child? and how do you KNOW there is no other type abuse going on? Are you with them 24 hours a day? I doubt it.

3 years is plenty of time for your daughter and husband to have developed some sort of relationship..there is obviously something VERY wrong here....you need to have a serious talk with her, WITHOUT him around. She may not feel that she can trust you, because to a child, you have CHOSEN him over her by letting him act that way to her all these years. You need to make sure that whatever she says to you will be ok, and that you will not tell him. Tell her that you want to know what is wrong, so that you can help.

You need to get both of you some therapy.

I think at this point, the best solution would be to leave, after 3 years, it is doubtful that he will change into a better man.

Answer 3

It sounds like there have been many changes in her life over the past three years. I think that you might entertain the idea of taking her to seek counseling. Divorce is difficult (or seperation if you weren't married to her dad), and then to throw in the mix of things someone else who is taking her mommies attention, THEN add the fact that for the past 17 months you have been occupied with a small baby--she may feel that this new man is the cause of all this, she may additionally miss her father, and she may be experiencing jealousy in relation to the new baby. AND to top it all off, he is more strict with her, and she is expected to relate to him as if he were a father figure. That is A LOT of weight to put on an eight year old, and while children are resiliant to things, it still affects them and comes out in behaviors. Depression is definetly a possibility, and there could be many other things too. Seek the referral from her pediatrician and get her some counseling. Leaving your husband isn't the answer, it will only cause more instability for her. You need to get to the core of the problem, and help her work through it. GOOD LUCK and GOD BLESS!!!

Answer 4

Hey Julia, First of all, I wouldn't be too concerned about the music or the dolls... blythe is a play on the word blithe which means carefree and happy or lighthearted. This could also be ironic, but they look harmless enough to me. The poetry and having a best friend who is the only person who understands her is what really caught my attention. As someone who suffered/suffers from depression, poetry was often times my only escape, and at the worst points in my life I'd often have only one friend that I would invest everything in. When I was that young it made me insanely upset when my parents tried to help me, and I'm unsure what the "right" thing to do is. She's also very young, so I don't think I would suggest medication as the answer, though it may help later in life if this isn't a phase. I think the best thing to do is nurture a loving environment and try to encourage her to eat with the family again. Hope you find this helpful.

Answer 5

You should never put a man before your child even if he is your new husband. How do you know there is no abuse physically or sexually? She is displaying symptoms of sexual abuse. Withdrawing to her room, sadness, only acting this way around him. Ask her outright if anything is going on and why she acts this way when he is around. Also your new husband is a step parent not her dad he shouldn't be strict with her it isn't his job to discipline her it is yours. Tell him to back off and you will handle her.
Children should not dictate an adults life making you stay or go but they should come first and be taken care of. If nothing is wrong and she is just being stubborn then she will get over it as long as you let her know you love her. My opinion is though that there is something much deeper going on here and you have your blinders on. Maybe she would be happier living with her dad.

Answer 6

Think he is driving a wedge between you and daughter. Should leave for your daughters sake. Its ok to be moral strick however in this case i think he is just being a jerk and you could be looped into that as well unless you do something about it. What about talking with your daughter to see whats going on. Your daughter from preivous is hurting,quit thinking of yourself and get her help......

Answer 7

it is obvious that she doesnt like your hubby. and your husband doesnt like her too thats why he is mean to her. (kids dont lie. right?) why do you went to another relationship when you dont try to observe or be sensitive first for the stepdaughter-stepdad relationship? i think you dont even consider the relationship of your husband to your daughter. and now you had a child with him and its hard to get him away from you. you know? sorry to tell you this but you are selfish. i knew alot of women who had a child and had a new boyfriend but they first see their partner's bond to their child to make sure if shes really go through with the relaltionship but you didnt consider it before having a so-called-hubby you had now. think first of your daughter and whatever you will do, it should be for your daughter's good!

Answer 8

Hon listen and listen good.. You say is not abuse going on? ohh well put that in to a test and take your daughter to a therapist right away is something going on and she is not going to tell you... take her as soon as possible this is not normal.. Please do it for your kid. Something is causing her to act this way.. don't try to get it out of her just take her and have her evaluated.. Good luck.

Answer 9

seems like she has a problem with him, maybe she wants her real dad? how many times have you tryed to talk to her about it, also ask hubby to back off, let her have more freedom

Answer 10

Why dont you try taking her to a councilor first then go from there.