I work in the oil field and I am gone 7 days on, and 7 days off....my wife is still in school. She told me about a month after it happened that she was rapped while in a womens restroom, the man was stopped before it went to full completion, but I am having some strong feelings of wishing I could of did something different to help her....or be there in some way? I try not to bring it up to my wife, for fear of makeing her fall into a depression. I was wondering if there was anyway I can overcome it myself, I have heard that forgivness is the best way but how do I forgive someone that took that away from my wife and I? Anyone that has similar cirrcumstances please leave an answer, I would like to know EVERYONE'S input. I also was wondering, should I get her tested for STD'S? We have had intercourse since that has happened, so should we know?
2007-05-06 21:57:04 · 6 answers · asked by Eric M 1 in Social Science ➔ Psychology
I was raped when I was 14 so I would know that it is a very traumatic experience. I am 17 now and still suffering.
Your wife will most likely be extremely upset and scared. Is there someone at home she can talk to? A doctor or a counsellor or her mother?
You need to take her to the doctor. She should be check for STDs. You should be checked aswell.
I know how you said that you don't know how to get over it. The priority in this situation should be your wife. Get her help.
If you havn't been to the police then I suggest you should. They will offer support aswell. This man must be stopped so it doesn't happen again.
When you are away (on your 7days off) have someone stay with her. Don't leave her alone. Also inform one her teachers if you can.
Please email me if you need to. I can help you. Good luck!
2007-05-06 22:14:39 · answer #1 · answered by ★☆✿❀ 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Rape and sexual assualt can be very traumatic experiences and in reality there are no easy solutions to these problems.
The time it takes to recover can involve many years. I would suspect both you are your wife are strong independent people, who value your freedom. For your wife now some of that freedom may be lost to fear.
What you are experiencing is the same as people who are victims of many crimes, that is, a loss of control. A feeling that you can't trust the world anymore. People who are mugged, who have their house broken into, all feel the same.
Trying to protect your wife will just make her feel worse, that she is being controlled.
Here are some simple first steps.
1. Get tested for STDs, it can't hurt, and many STDs will produce latter infertility, even if they have no effect on your now.
2. Look at some simple things that your wife can do to increase your level of saftey. For example, there are self defence courses, or alarms you can buy (don't bother with TASERS, they are a great tool for rapists to use against their victims).
3. Talk. Your marriage depends on communication.
4. Counselling can be very helpful as well. Firstly your wife can go by herself, and then later you can join her during the counselling. Recovering from rape can take a long time.
5. Life is risk. The biggest killer in the world (besides, old age and cancer) is cars, yet you are probably not afraid when you cross the road. Learn to live with the risk of such things happenning. If you can't learn to live with risk, you hardly live at all.
I think you are good man, who has the best interests of your wife at heart. A rape destroyed my friend's marriage, despite her husband doing everything to help her get over it. Be patient, and she will recover.
2007-05-06 22:36:16 · answer #2 · answered by flingebunt 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
oh...i'm so sorry this happened to you and your wife. yes you did the right thing not mentioning this to her. even if you are hurt, she is the one whos hurt most because she felt abused. first of all, get her tested for STDs..say that it is only for her own safety. obviously, if it happened to me i will find it hard to overcome this situation and find it hard to forgive. infact, i cannot forgive the person who did this. when you talk to her about getting tested, just bring this up..once. ask her if she knows who the guy is, his description or anything. this should be reported to the police..this is a CRIME! they could help sketching the guy..whatever he looks like, your wife should know. hopefully he will get caught and hopefully you can do whatever the hell you want to do with him for revenge. right now, the best way to help her is to get he tested, and report it to the police. that is enough help for her. it will take sometime for you to overcome this, but eventually you will deal with it much better. i hope this helps.
2007-05-06 22:13:52 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
she didn't go to the police and get a rape kit done? that should have been her first step. she does need to be tested, and so do you, since you've had sex since.
as far as overcoming it, it has nothing to do with you, with the exception that you are married to the victim. help HER to get back to being herself, and that'll help you. don't be selfish-be there for her.
2007-05-06 22:08:19 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
You should go to counseling with her, and if she won't go, go by yourself so you can at least try to comprehend what she is experiencing in her mind.
YES!! You both need STD testing. TODAY.
Very sorry you both have to go thru this.
2007-05-06 22:07:45 · answer #5 · answered by Dirty Knees 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You should by her side and comfort her...
2007-05-06 22:01:59 · answer #6 · answered by jessy 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋