to get married or not to get married that is the question...?

Question

Ok so boyfriend and I have been together for a year and a half and have lived together for just over a year. We always talk about the future and what it holds together and both say we want to always be together. We both have been divorced (we are in out 30s) but he is marriage shy. He says people change when they get married etc. He got kinda tipsy the other night and was talking about getting married alot but then he got shy and change the subject really quick. He stated that he does want to get married but in the light of the day (and 100% sober) he gets freaked out. any suggestions?

Answer 1

Ask him to sit down and write down the aspects of marriage which disturb him and which particular changes might take place. Then get two columns and ask him to write down the benefits of marriage (public commitment before men and God comes to mind) and the negative consequences (taking you for granted and the difficulty in walking away come to mind) then you do the same. Some people find it hard to express themselves in speech on matters of the heart. He wants to marry you but he is afraid of being hurt as you both have been. I recommend marriage but lastly you both write out what you *mean* by marriage and then you will see if you are fit for one another or not.

Answer 2

After about six months, a guy knows if he wants to marry a particular girl. Living together doesn't help him to make up his mind, though, it just puts it off. If you want kids, then get married or bust up, but don't keep delaying. You know, you could always propose, not wait for him. Set up a romantic mood, say what you would like to hear yourself, and wait for his answer. Say something like, "I love you, I want to spend the rest of my life with you, and I want to know if you feel the same way. Will you marry me?" If he says he's not ready yet, he never will be. This way, at least you'll get a yes or no answer and can decide from there.

Answer 3

ask yourself this question....Do YOU want to get married?
if your answer is yes, then you two saying you will always be together is a farce. If he's shy about getting married to you then it's doubtful he ever will. A guy knows if he wants to marry you or not. It's not a tricky thing. He's not a forward thinking person. Your guy is living only in the emotional moment.
pwatson made a very good suggestion for you. try it.

Answer 4

Marriage isn't a trivial rely. it somewhat is criminal risk-free practices and has advantages that bypass to between the companions if one in each and every of them dies; it simplifies some concerns and complicates others yet ultimately, it somewhat is not any longer in basic terms a 'piece of paper.' it is likewise a committed lasting bond earlier God between a guy and a woman. in case you do no longer desire that, take criminal steps to grant your self with protection. in case you're gay, civil unions are available. Marriage isn't a trivial rely - ask anyone who's ever been divorced. You by no potential comprehend that it is going to paintings. whether it somewhat is the top of screwing around, figuring out to purchase around, sampling and having overall performance-sort intercourse with human beings you do no longer understand alright. If the final element describes the kind of intercourse you're having mutually with your spouse or husband, then the marriage ought to no longer final! a pair can comprehend that they are going to marry the different person the 2d they meet. It happens. yet maximum human beings desire to get to comprehend the different person relatively nicely earlier marriage. regardless of you're able to do to comprehend which you relatively comprehend the guy, whether long that takes is the main outstanding quantity of time. living mutually would not recommend plenty different than as a 'try force' - people who stay mutually get divorced in only as severe numbers, if no longer greater, than people who waited until marriage to stay mutually. little ones ought to be born to married couples - only via fact little ones desire each and all of the help they might get! it somewhat is not any longer elementary to stroll away out of your husband or spouse yet now and back human beings do. they could unquestionably have walked away in the event that they weren't married, too.

Answer 5

You most probably need to talk about what both feel about marriage?.. meaning what does it mean to you. and what does it mean to him.....
Don't be surprise the answer may be different and thats why he freaked out. However to understand how he feel marriage means... will perhaps let you understand the pit falls and the area of concerns. It could be for e.g financial lost, do not want children, reputation, pride etc...peer pressure from friends relative etc..
ONLY when you understand the reasons behind his thought, ONLY then you can monuvere your thoughts to address his concerns..

all the best..

take care..

Answer 6

My advice would be to let him know how you truly feel about getting married. Then let him have time to truly figure out he really feels about your future together and marriage. Trust me, if he loves you half as much as it sounds like you love him he make the right decision.

Answer 7

Being you both have been married before, he may be moving cautiously this time, and he may need more time to make sure, really there is no set time to get married so just let the relationship develop at its own pace...

Answer 8

Don't do it! ~ Sorry, I've been with my now husband for 12 years, married for 2 1/2. He changed shortly after...

Answer 9

Don't do it. Unless you like getting divorced. I see a pattern here.

Answer 10

he's not yet ready. if he is, then he shouldn't be shy about it. or maybe you're not the one he plans to marry? just asking.