I am wondering what could be the best to do, to talk with husband about divorce then with my boys or to let know my teenagers about the fact that I want to divorce their dad before talking with their dad?
2007-05-06 19:45:48 · 11 answers · asked by getting_a_new_life 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Unless he is bouncing you off the walls stay together until the youngest is 18. It is always (98% of the time) best for the children if you stay together. You and your husband can "end" your marriage for all intensive purposes but not make it official or public until after the kids are raised. Decide to be GOOD co-habitating parents. Until they are 18 it is not about how you feel or he feels, not your needs or his needs, it's about theirs. Its about raising kids, the number one priority for both of you.
2007-05-06 20:20:29 · answer #1 · answered by hogie0101 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I am not divorced with kids...but I was a kid when my parents got divorced.
If you guys are really serious about getting divorced...I'm pretty sure your teenage kids already suspect it. I was fifteen when it happened so I know the feeling...
My parents told me after they talked about it. Now that I'm 20 and I think about it, I think they did good. I think it would have hurt a lot more if I found out about it before my dad did.
I would suggest you guys talk about it first and then tell your kids sitting down all together, it hurts A LOT but I think it's the best way to go.
I hope I helped! Sometimes it's good getting advice from the other side of the story.
Good luck with everything
2007-05-06 19:55:33 · answer #2 · answered by SusiQ 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
that's a tough one, in some ways..
looking back on my divorce.
often teens already know there is an impending divorce. they are smarter than we give them credit..
you know your kids far better than any of us, or professionals..
also, is there a possibility of any kind of violence when confronting the spouse regarding?
Especially if so, I would recommend doing in a therapists office personally. and, even if not..
and, ask for a longer session..
If questions arise there, they can be dealt with on a controlled and open level. Not a she said, he said conflict, making them feel sides need to be chosen.
all, heck may break lose later, but, the start is clear, honest, open and caring.
Remember it is your divorce(adults), not your children's .
it is an adult matter.. try to keep them out of it as much as possible. what ever you do , i don't recommend ever speaking negative about their father!.. I know this could be hard, but, trust me on this.
I would suggest too, doing this on a Friday, so the children don't have to go to School the next few days, or during a long week-end.. they are going to need a time to adjust and have it sink in. Even children knowing it's coming, is never the same as it HAPPENING. You might want to take them to the park where it's open and relaxing for a picnic. Not around the home, where the family center of focus is going to change.
Be prepared for the worst though. Where i had custody of the minors in the end, it changed.
My sons, all 4 went with dad in the end.. broke my heart.. are you prepared for that?
never say never will... i didn't think would either ...
take care of your personal health, rest, sleep, eat proper, and no joke take a few days away and get centered if can before embarking on this journey..
Be aware depending on the state you are in, the courts may forbid you to talk to the children regarding .
If Lies and rumors etc.unfold, they can leave you feeling powerless If you can't speak to the children for contempt of court fears, it is heartache beyond belief..
Mine was bruttle!.. Over a decade later I'm still dealing with.
My heart goes out to you, this isn't an easy path .
prayer is the one thing that held me together when nothing else did..
good luck to you and your family..
2007-05-06 20:24:16 · answer #3 · answered by miladyfaire 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Talk with the ylour husband first..first...
Talking to your kids first is too much like confiding in a close friend and will put undue added stress on the kids...
After you have talked to your husband, if possible (without a huge fight) the two of you should tell the kids together... Reassure them that you both love them as much as ever and they did nothing wrong to cause the divorce.. Let them know you are both there to talk with them...
Never put kids in the middle of a divorce telling them before telling your husband is putting them in the middle...
2007-05-06 19:57:12 · answer #4 · answered by Diane (PFLAG) 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Definitely talk to your husband first. You may also want to consider counseling before divorcing, since you do have children. Children should be told by both parents, and reassured that they are not to blame. Also, try to work out an agreement with your husband as to how the children will be raised, so that the children don't get caught up in arguments between you and your husband.
2007-05-06 19:53:19 · answer #5 · answered by PEGGY S 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You most probably have to be SURE why you want a divorce.
You would also need to be SURE the impact that you will bring along towards your kids.
You would also need to know that at the end of the day.. your kids will not be with you..
Also both family and in-laws will be affected as well..
Once you are clear about that.. there isn't any difference who you will talk to first. Now I would suggest that you should not think about divorce just for your own selfsih reasons.
Make sure that you do not HURT your children.. they I am sure are very precious to you.
take care.
2007-05-06 20:42:35 · answer #6 · answered by trymejames 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
it really depends on the reasons behind the proposed divorce. will your husband remain calm? the last thing your kids need is for him to blow up in front of them. you have to be together on this, you have to show the children that it's not the end of the world and that you'll both still love them and be there for them.
2007-05-07 03:46:39 · answer #7 · answered by dreamshaper 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
talk to your husband first of course! it would be extremely hurtful and uncomfortable if you told your kids first and they told him before you did. Its the two of you in the relationship and honesty and respect say you need to have that conversation with your husband first and figure out a game plan to tell the kids together. that way its not a mommy wants to leave daddy its the two of you telling them together that sometimes things just dont work out.
2007-05-06 19:54:10 · answer #8 · answered by Miranda's Mommy 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
dad first... feel him out (so to speak) see if it is workable (whatever your problem is) and go from there. if he says "nope, can't fix"... then take steps to start the divorce, THEN talk to your son... explain that you've exhausted all options, and that it's NOT his fault (Stress that point) and get him involved... how many days would he prefer to spend with you, how many with him... what holidays... so on and so forth... no one likes to be blindsided, and left by the way. this could help him accept faster and maybe not be resentful later on... otherwise, press with talking to the dad.
2007-05-06 20:31:35 · answer #9 · answered by bobbi_kaylin 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Depends on why you want a divorce.My kids watched their dad abuse me for years.I didn't have to tell them anything.
I would tell him first,then both sit down with the kids.
2007-05-06 19:51:59 · answer #10 · answered by Frogmama2007 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋