Tips for this song, more lyrics?

Question

Don’t cha see that girl walkin down the hall, she looks so shy, so so soso fly, I gotta go say hi. The smile on her face is just…just amazing,
Don’t cha see that girl walkin down the hall, her eyes so beautiful, looks so beautiful
And when she walks looks like she’s gliding on the air when really she’s just an Angel, when she walks she seems to fly, fly flyfly fly fly fly fly flyfly fly fllllllllllyyyyyy

I have tried with all my being to find something comparable to you
But nothing is worthy, nothing is equal, nothing can match someone like you, you…
It would be a crime to denounce the beauty, a beauty such as you,
To jus throw it away, lose all I wanted, and lose you for good

So lets find a way to make this right, to make it that we can be cool,
Lets think about it, talk about it, and then we can finally choose…
Do we wanna go out, do we just wanna be friends, and if not than I’ll let you choose.
But I’ll still think of you as the most amazing thing to ever happen to me, me

Don’t cha see that girl walkin down the hall, she looks so shy, so fly, I gotta go say hi. The smile on her face is just, just amazing,
Don’t cha see that girl walkin down the ha all, her eyes… so beautiful,

Looks like she’s gliding on the air when she walk when really she’s just an ANGEl

Don’t cha see that girl walkin down the hall, she looks so shy, so fly,
The smile on her face is just amazing.

im trying to write a song for my girl cuz i thin it would be cool.

Answer 1

one tip. Don't post anything unless it's copyrighted first cause anyone can steal it if it's not.

It's kind of hard to know the tempo and the genre too. I tried.

Here's what I think.

"So lets find a way to make this right, to make it that we can be cool,
Lets think about it, talk about it, and then we can finally choose…
Do we wanna go out, do we just wanna be friends, and if not than I’ll let you choose.
But I’ll still think of you as the most amazing thing to ever happen to me, me"

I don't like the choose, choose part in the 2nd and 3rd line. Also, you say in the 2nd line "WE can finally choose" then in the 3rd line you say "and if not i'll let YOU choose". That doesn't work. I would say...

So lets find a way to make this right, to make it that we can be cool,
Lets think about it, talk about it, and then we can finally choose…
Do we wanna go out, do we just wanna be friends, Anyway I can't loose.
I’ll still see you as the most amazing thing to happen to me.

That's what I think. The rest of it needs some more work. Make somethings rhyme. It's easier. Try to sing it to some music or a beat. It helps to keep the tempo. Plus point out the verses, chorus', hook, bride, etc...

Hope I helped.

Answer 2

You don't have to rhyme the last word of each sentence if you don't want to.indie bands don't do that and they still can write good music.as long as the lyrics are deep and 'mature'.

i think you should change 'do we wanna go out,do we wanna be friends,and if not then i'll let you choose' because this line sounds amateur.if you want to add more lyrics instead of repeating the words that would be cool,coz then the song would have more substance.

Answer 3

let the last word of every sentence rhym.trust me.

Answer 4

Sorry, can't get into these lyrics