I have a friend who asked the question "how long" should u date a guy before you ask him what direction the relationship is headed. She has gotten answers from, just ask him what harm could it do, to it's to early you have only gone a few dates, to u are going to scare him off. My question is, if people are saying wait until you know him, u have people who have been married for 10 years who say "I never really knew him/her once it was over. I am a believer that sometimes you will only know the person they want you to know.
An abuser is normally not an abuser until you have time vested into a committed relationship. That's not something you see in the first couple of months. So I am going to ask, if a guy keeps dating you obviously he is interested or he would not waste his time so after 2 months of dating is it really so wrong or to fast to ask where is the relationship headed so two people won't be wasting their time or do you date for 6 months & in this day & age who does that.
2007-05-06 17:09:36 · 14 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
She said that she is not expecting him to say yes I want relationship she just wants to know if the dating will always just be dating or are they working towards a future relationship. I think by the 3rd date both of them should know, but that’s why she asked yahoo answers to get another opinion. I am a little bit older then her, and I feel a man knows what he wants from the beginning just like women, that’s why the dates keep coming week after week.
2007-05-06 17:09:44 · update #1
I would think after a couple months, with four or more dates, it would be a good time to ask.
2007-05-06 17:13:18 · answer #1 · answered by Jess 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I wouldn't ask where the relationship ship is headed, b/c that is something that you never really know. I would ask "What his short term goals are & what he would like to get out of the relationship". That way you not only have a better idea of where you stand but you also know if realistically this is someone that you can see yourself with outside of just friends. I say 2 months rather than 4 to 5 dates. You can have 4 to 5 dates in a matter of weeks.
2007-05-07 00:20:32 · answer #2 · answered by Franny 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I don't think I would just come out and ask him if he intends for the relationship to work toward marriage. That his a huge commitment and I think it would scare him off. But, I do believe that a couple should discuss within the first few dates what it is they are looking for. Some people are ready to only date seriously with the intent of finding someone to settle down and start a life with while others are just having fun and looking for someone fun to do it with. There is nothing wrong with either, but they are not compatible in the dating world, and you don't want to get a year into the relationship, expecting a proposal and find out he is nowhere close to ready to give up his wings.
2007-05-07 00:22:05 · answer #3 · answered by Michelle 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
In this day & age,ppl call dating or sleeping together for a period of time,a relationship!
What happened to being friends with ppl until you fall in love ?
A relationship between a man & woman is to be committed to a marriage & a future together,not just using each other's bodies until you see someone else you lust after more or get tired of the person you are with.
Relationships today are more of a contest to see how quick ,or who, a person can obtain & vent out their lust upon.
Questions like this have only one answer......I can't stop you from screwing around,so go ahead & do it!Why be shy?It is wrong no matter what & God definately is not gonna give His permission!
Anyone can be an abuser,even to themselves.
But you are right.Men & women don't let you see their true selves sometimes,no matter how long you date.But there are always signs.
Everyone slips up.With a lie or an unacceptable action.Just Keep your eyes open & mouth shut & you will learn.
2007-05-07 01:52:59 · answer #4 · answered by Frogmama2007 3 · 1⤊ 1⤋
In what I've seen, successful relationships just happen.
And they don't happen because somebody pushed the other partner by asking "where is this relationship going?"
If you're enjoying yourself, and enjoying the other person's company, how is that a waste of time?
re: abusers: true, sometimes people don't show their true colors until you live with them. But a lot of times you can see the red flags well before then -- i.e. drug addiction? alcoholic personality? violent temper? violent family background? violence in previous marriages / relationships? in frequent trouble with the law?
I know of some people who saw the above things early on and then wondered why their relationship turned violent.
I sometimes wonder if it's because they were too busy worrying about "where this relationship is going?"
I don't see any harm in your friend asking the guy what he wants out of life, what he looks for in a mate, etc., to get a feel for what the guy wants. In fact, it'd probably be a good thing to ask.
I doubt any of that was any help, but it's my 2 cents.
2007-05-07 01:41:19 · answer #5 · answered by joe b 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Well if a girl asked me if the relationship was going somewhere the first thing that would pop into my head would be the word "marriage", and that would freak me out a bit. However if the girl makes it clear she only wants to get a bit more serious than casual dating (and not have babies/move in/get married...or other things that feak some guys out) then 2 months should not only be enough time to ask that but also enough time to start dating more seriously. Hope that helps.
2007-05-07 00:18:10 · answer #6 · answered by joel g 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I like Ang's response. If I was her, I'd definitely ask if he wanted an exclusive relationship at this point, but that's all I would ask. If he wants to date multiple people still, then he's obviously not ready to take the dating too seriously yet.
If they're already committed to only seeing each other, then there's no point in asking. Just ride the wave & see how far it can go.
2007-05-07 00:27:05 · answer #7 · answered by Just Jane 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Don't ask him where the relationship is headed. Instead ask him where he sees his life in a year. Are they still together? Does he see himself engaged, married, what? Because, there is a good chance that he doesn't know where the relationship is headed, but he does know he wants to get married and have kids. So yea, in a case like this the roundabout way is often better.
2007-05-07 00:13:38 · answer #8 · answered by Tami 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well some guys never know what they want untill they have lost it. I think your girl friend needs to take her time with this guy where is it written that we need to wait for the guy to make up his mind if he wants a relationship or not. After all dating is the way to build a relationship. If she needs to ask wheather or not they have a future she needs to watch out the guy may feel she is going to fast. I hope the two can work it out others putting their two cents in.
2007-05-07 00:22:25 · answer #9 · answered by Reta, Bears mommy 4 · 1⤊ 1⤋
I would say maybe the three month mark is a good overall time period. It allows both parties to see if it is going good and they want to continue or they see that a future together is not there and you can end it mutually. I think you can sense if the realtionship is going somewhere or nowhere and allow your gut instinct to play a role in your life and decisions!
God Bless and Best Wishes only you know how long you should wait and it is fine to ask you can't read minds can you?.
2007-05-07 00:19:41 · answer #10 · answered by Livinrawguy 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋