My fiance and I were arguing and he sprayed me with a water hose, and said I needed to "cool off". I mean, that is something you would do to a dog! I was so humiliated! His son told me that he (my fiance) had done stuff like this to his ex wife. (namely pouring a pitcher of Kool Aid on her head. Is that demeaning or what?
2007-05-06 16:50:19 · 21 answers · asked by Ms. GTO 7 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Absolutely! You were humiliated,weren't you?That is considered 'emotional battery'. Someone who would pour kool-aid on someones head or spray them w/a hose is a 'bully' and you've probably only seen the tip of the iceberg.Hope you aren't the type who would marry someone just because they asked,afraid that no one else will.You must see the writing on the wall here.He's divorced how many times?( Remember,we only get the guy's version of why their marriage failed.)Do you really want to be married to this man?(I should say 'guy',a Man wouldn't act like that)Have you ever known a bully in school?Have you noticed how they just don't give a damn about their victims feelings?That could have been your fiance'.Do yourself a favor,call off your engagement.Not only have you seen him in action,heard he's done it to an 'X',but now he'll think he did that to you &you're still going to marry him anyway.That's like giving him permission to do it again.He won't change that behavior,he has a history of it. Such disrespect will only get worse.And when you're married,you'll be his to bully all he wants.How dare he think he could do that to you?He won't change,he will only get worse.Do you want your self respect back after being so humiliated?Tell him the engagement is off.Amagine how powerful that will feel.Do yourself a favor & Feel The Power!
2007-05-06 18:30:35 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
If you feel humiliated, it is abuse. Let him know that one more stunt like this and you are out of there. While you're at it, review his other behavior and ask yourself if, maybe, you should be out of there anyway. If you decide to stay, the two of you should pursue some sort of counseling to help you communicate more effectively. Marriage and Family Therapists have training that is geared very specifically toward this sort of thing, as opposed to other licensed counselors. You may want to start your search there.
Consider: This is the time in the relationship where you will have the most leverage to get him to do something like this. A refusal on his part, will be a great predictor of what you have to look forward to in future. So many women are so frustrated because their husbands absolutely refuse to seek help for problems that could easily be solved. Don't become another frustrated wife.
I'm routing for you!
2007-05-07 00:17:10 · answer #2 · answered by Dove 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
abusive relationship can be compared to the story of the frog placed in a pan of water and placed on a stove. The fire under the pan is slowly increased. At first the frog swims around happy, with no worries in the world. As the heat increases, however, he becomes more and more uncomfortable until at last the heat is too much and he dies. The temperature of the water increases gradually, therefore the frog did not detect the problem early enough to do anything about it. Unless verbal abuse is dealt with early, the relationship may eventually die as well.
It sounds like the son even knows this is wrong. Hope this helped.
2007-05-07 00:23:57 · answer #3 · answered by renee125 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It sounds like your engaged to a five year old and that is why he is divorced in the first place?. I would seriously reconsider the engagement?. If he acts like this now what makes you think he won't be more of an a ss when your married?.
I'm sorry but this just looks like another possible marriage then divorce scenario.
I would not say that demeaning I would say it is pathetic and inmature.
Have you not stopped to consider this why his first marrriage failed?.
He needs to grow-up and if you love him get to some pre-marital counseling if you still want him as your husband?.
Don't let him get away with treating you like crap if I did that to my wife in the middle of a conversation or a argument well then I would expect to be in the dog house for quite sometime
so to speak.
I think really the question you want to ask is should I marry this idiot?. My answer is what ever you gut is telling you, and NO!
2007-05-07 00:00:19 · answer #4 · answered by Livinrawguy 7 · 4⤊ 0⤋
It depends. If you feel humiliated it might be a form of mental abuse. He didn't physically hurt you, right? No bruises, no scars, he didn't beat you with the water hose. I think it was very disrespectful and you should reconsider if that's what you want to deal with every time you get into an argument. Think about it. Good Luck.
2007-05-06 23:58:56 · answer #5 · answered by K9Girl 2 · 2⤊ 1⤋
Yes it is abusive, and to be honest it will only get worse. namely he did it to his ex- wife therefore he will do it to you. spraying you with the hose is really actually no differant than hitting you. it was a mean to control your behavior, he was angry, he was unable to shut you up, so he took physical action. You said it that would be something you would do to a "dog". I would not even do that to my dog.. but come on?
2007-05-07 01:55:42 · answer #6 · answered by Laine 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It depends - he could have also done that to make you laugh. If you laugh, you stop arguing. If it bothered you that much, you should tell him and then he's either going to tell you that he did it to truly try to "cool you off" or that he did it to end the fight and make you laugh. My ex did that to me a few times, but when he did it, I would laugh and then it turned into an all-out water war.
2007-05-07 00:17:53 · answer #7 · answered by melissa_53105 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
IT is emotional abuse. And very degrading. Dump that hot tempered jerk.
OMG that frog comment was just horrible! I know it might fit the situation, but seriously. That was a little too far. I'll probably be depressed all day now. I guess i'll just have to imagine it's my ex-husband in the pan instead of a poor little frog, that might work. He's the same kind of person your finace is. Mean, really mean. Don't suffer for four years like i did.
2007-05-06 23:56:45 · answer #8 · answered by linda m 4 · 3⤊ 2⤋
yes it is you don't need that and this might be the way of starting remember that there's psychological abuse making you feel down less humiliating you i think you should think about this relationship it wont get any better it could only go down hill from now and you don't need that
2007-05-07 01:01:02 · answer #9 · answered by cutebunny1122 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Well at least I would say this is borderline abusive. It certainly shows that he doesnt have much respect for you. I suggest a long engagement...He may be feeling you out to see how much he can get away with... If he breaks out the cool aid ... get the hell out of there.
2007-05-06 23:58:25 · answer #10 · answered by mpasnick 4 · 6⤊ 1⤋