My husband and I have been married for 6 years. He lied about his addiction for the first 2 years. I have begged him to get help but he will not...claims it is a choice and he likes to gamble. He will spend his whole months wages in only 2-3 days then expects me to cover his payments. The last 3 months I refused to make his payments and told him the next time he gambled I would leave him. Two weeks later as soon as he got paid he spent his whole cheque again. I asked him to leave the house as I was not leaving the house I have paid for. Am I wrong for doing this??
2007-05-06 16:39:47 · 11 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
As a guy I would say you probably made the right choice. More often then not he will be battling this for quite some time.
However, gambling is one addictions that people (not to sound sexist, but especiallly womem) have alot less sympothy for. Mainly because it is alot more rare and most people dont understand and condone it.
You have to ask yourself this.. if he was fighting alcoholism, would you have left him? If he had an addiction to prescription pills.. would you have left him? Because gambling is really no different then that.
The only person who can really answer this question is you.
2007-05-08 03:13:10 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Being married three times to alcoholics, I understand completely where you are coming from with the ultimatums, leaving, etc. First of all, I would have kept the house....if you're paying for it, definitely. If it's in his name, you are screwed!! A bad gambling habit is not different than a crack/cocaine habit. The person involved never brings any money into the relationship and you are constantly trying to make ends meet on your budget, accepting excuses and broken promises. Stand by what you have told him. Count him and the loss of the house as a LOSS on your part and a learning experience. He will not stop gambling because he is in denial (not accepting that there is a problem). Six years is a long time...but I'm certain that it's given you time to "think" about what's real and what's not. Get out while the getting is good!!
2007-05-06 16:57:32 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your not wrong at all for doing this you have tryied helping him and given him many reasons to quit and warning's if he doesn't. Your husband has a unhealthy addiction to gambling and well if you just let it carry on it will just tear your life apart.
I think you leaving him may be the only thing that could help him realize his problem. I would also consider you look into an intervention with his family and friends once in a while buying lotto tickets is one thing spending your whole pay cheque at the casino is a serious problem. It's all good if you win but really casinos would not be a billion dollar industry if they always lost?.
2007-05-06 16:53:31 · answer #3 · answered by Livinrawguy 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First, I am very sorry for your situation. I would rather have my children go through another divorce than have my child see me in a bad relationship with an alcoholic/gambling addict. You should stand up for yourself and your children and get a divorce. Next, if your husband has opened credit cards in your name without your permission, that is a federal crime!! You can prosecute him and he can go to jail. (you said he had not done anything illegal, but that is illegal and horrible!) Your husband has problems and needs help. If he refuses to stop drinking or get treatment for his addictions, you must leave him/divorce him. Tell him that if he does not leave the house, you will file charges against him for credit card fraud. I would talk to a lawyer and file papers for a divorce. You do NOT deserve this. You must put your foot down. In the divorce, if you let the lawyer know about the gambling addiction of your husband and how he has driven you into debt...you might be able to get some of the debt taken off of your name because it was not your fault. This may be a long and painful process, but you should do it for your kids, yourself, and ultimately your husband. He is a BAD example for your children. Do not let your children be around this any longer...do not let them be witness to a bad marriage. You do have legal rights (I worked as a legal secretary for several years). Visit a lawyer about the divorce, the debt he has accured gambling/situation he has put your family in, and about prosecuting him for credit card theft/fraud. (you don't have to take it all the way to jail, but it might ultimately help him if he got a 6 mo sentence or something...he would be locked up and cannot drink or engage in his gambling addiction...it might ultimately save his life). Please get help for your family. Good Luck!
2016-04-01 00:10:38 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
No, you are being abused. If he lied about it from the get go then how are you at fault. He must not care about you if he is not willing to try to stop or get help. If it has been going on for this long, then he expects you to bail him out and he is not going to do any better. File for divorce first, you have more rights in some states. I don't condone divorce but I don't like people being used. If you warned him and he still done it then leave him. You don't need him!!!
2007-05-06 16:50:51 · answer #5 · answered by CaseyK 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
HorseGirl, you are not wrong for leaving your husband. An addiction is an addiction and he eventually will bring you down with him.
As you know from experience, he'll stop when he has exhausted all of his finances, family and friends. The best thing that you can do for yourself is to leave before it becomes worse.
I know that marriage vows state, for better or for worse but as you know, God does not raise fools.
2007-05-06 16:57:02 · answer #6 · answered by lwheavenlyangel 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No, you're not wrong. You did everything you could but he refused to change and told you so. Sometimes people need to know when enough is really enough.
2007-05-06 16:48:50 · answer #7 · answered by Aurora 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are not wrong in doing this. He is the one who can't keep to his responsibility as a contributing partner in a marriage.
2007-05-06 20:30:27 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You go girl!
2007-05-06 16:50:05 · answer #9 · answered by linda m 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
no ma'am, you are standing for yourself and keeping your DIGNITY! three cheers to that!
2007-05-06 16:52:20 · answer #10 · answered by crazy little thing 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋