I don't know why, I usually keep it together. But my ex introduced our kids to his new girlfriend this weekend. We have only been apart 5 months. I admit it I am jealous. It seems like he just hurts people with no care about it. And everything is made easy for him. He lives with his mother rent free, he is 41. His new girlfriend is 45, has a brand new Cadilac, and a beach house. I can't even get a date. It does make me sad and jealous sometimes. I really don't want to care anymore. But it still hurts me. When I try to talk to him about it, he says your just jealous and hangs up on me. Our boys liked her, and her car. Please god! just make my feelings for him go away! I am just feeling sorry for myself tonight, sorry. Thanks for listening.
2007-05-06 16:07:21 · 22 answers · asked by Teslajuliet 4 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
It's never easy when two people seperate, especially when there are children involved. Five months is not a long time to be seperated so you are probably still feeling a lot of guilt and lonliness. Just hang in there and someday you are going to realize that it doesn't hurt so much and you can start moving on in life. It sounds like all this other woman has going for her are mere possesions anyway so there's nothing to be jealous about, and it also sounds like your ex is attracted to bright shiny objects and he's trying to impress the kids with them too. Hon, it doesn't sound like he's worth the powder to blow him up, so cheer up and feel better please. I know it hurts, and it probably will for a while. You should focus on yourself and the kids right now and how you can go about making a better future for yourself and build yourself up and feel good about things again. Talking from experience here, so you're not alone. There are a lot of us out there who know just how you are feeling. Good luck in the future and I will say a prayer for you and your kids.
2007-05-06 16:21:20 · answer #1 · answered by Judy W 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I kinda know how you feel. I am recently divorced too. Although, luckily, I have nothing to be jealous of my ex for. It is more like the other way around.
I am not saying my life is so wonderful yet, but it is a lot better since I left, and getting better every day. This is the key. I don't know what your situation is specifically - like what happened or whatever, but you have to just make it a point to move on and to make a better life for yourself. I know it is really hard, especially when there are kids involved.
You can do it though. You just have to concentrate on the good things that you DO have and not think about the things you don't have. When you think about and are grateful for the good things, more good things will come your way. No, it might not be tomorrow (although it could be!), but if you keep a sincerely positive attitude, things will just get better and better.
I don't mean to sound like I am giving you a pep talk or anything. This is just stuff I actually believe. Some days are easier than others to keep going, but just stay positive and whenever the negative tries to sneak in, tell it to go away, you are a positive person.
As far as talking to your ex about it, I really don't know what purpose that would serve. Bringing it up just keeps the jealousy coming. Just ignore it as much as possible and just go on and get your own life. You say you can't even get a date. Well, maybe you should just take some time to find out who YOU are and spend some with YOU. This would also be a great time to rekindle some friendships with your girlfriends and hang out with them.
Join a club, take some lessons, take a class -- do something!
Believe me, I really know how you feel, but it will get better. Just keep trying. LIke you said, you are just having a bad night.
Best of luck.
2007-05-06 16:21:22 · answer #2 · answered by animal lover 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Awwwe, I am so sorry for your hurt! It actually brought tears to my eyes reading your question! I guess because I can relate. It truly does suck that he has found another girl and especially that your boys like her and her damn car! Boy, I feel for you! The only cure is time, and shopping! But taking care of two boys must not leave you with much shopping funds...so either you can shop at somewhere like Savers (most of my wardrobe comes from there and a lot of times with tags still on!) or you could apply for an on-line credit card -in his name of course! or you could try becoming a stripper (yeah right!- but it does pay well I've heard) or try a free on-line dating service or even Craigslist has a lot of personals! I am sure someone will come along that will be way better than he ever was and you can look back and laugh at what a fool you were to let yourself feel hurt over his sorry butt! Til then just remember you are still young and beautiful and when you least expect it that special someone will sweep you right off your feet!
P.S.
Have you heard of the Secret? It has to do with the laws of attraction. If you want a DVD I have extras. Just email me and I'll send you one. Pretty good stuff! Take care now.
2007-05-06 16:28:21 · answer #3 · answered by gmoney 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yeah, it hurts. Emotions rule us. Once we realize this, we are better equipped to let those feelings flow through us without causing us to hurt from them. It's ok to have feelings for your ex. You may always have some feelings for him. This shows that you are a compassionate person. Five months is not a long time. You should talk to someone else about it and let your ex go. You should move on and find a more compatable partner. Someone who can comfort you and who will appreciate you for who you are.
If he is insensitive to how you feel, then you are better off finding someone who will comfort you instead of hurt you. Don't be concerned too much about what he has materialy, like cars and things. Instead, focus on what you would like to accomplish for yourself and your children. Set some short term goal about what you want. Then set a plan to make your own dreams happen.
It's ok to feel sorry for yourself sometimes. Healing takes time. There are many good books about similar experiences that you could read for inspiration. Make sure you fight the depression though because it will feed itself if you let it. Do something simple and kind for yourself and remember to think positive. Count your blessings and build on your strengths. Keep the company of people who like you and respect you.
You sound like an appreciative person. You should start by not talking to him about how you feel. Find a friend to talk with, or a family member you relate to. You could even journal your thoughts and feelings. This is a great way to ease your pain and it also gives you a tool for self reflection. Writing and reading your own journal has healing potential too.
Don't give up.
2007-05-06 16:56:07 · answer #4 · answered by brad 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
What you are feeling is TOTALLY normal, and it will probably never go away. Its like a side effect that comes when a family is broken up. I don't have kids (I'm pregnant) but just the thought of having to send my babies to some other woman to be mothered makes me nuts. I think it would make any good mother feel nuts. If you are jealous..that is normal. Your ex doesn't sound like a very sensitive person, but that's who you made babies with so it's what you are going to have to deal with. If I were you I would take advantage of the free time I had, and do whatever sounds good...eat a great meal, rent a movie you've been wanting to see....a comedy :)... and veg out. Try to think of this time (when he has the kids) as "your time" and try to focus on you.... And if it makes you feel any better, statistically, the chances of your ex's new relationship working for very long is VERY slim... very... so just be patient!!!
2007-05-06 16:20:54 · answer #5 · answered by katiebug 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I know the tough time that you are going through. I had a special someone who left me (we didn't have any kids though) and everytime that they would go on a date or a "gathering" it hurt, and sometimes, it REALLY hurt. The thing that I did to help me out was to call someone who is good at listening and just pour it out or to put in a movie that I really enjoy and grab some munchies and just try to relax. You just need to get your mind off of the situation so that you can unwind and become yourself again. I recommend a really "stupid" funny type of movie; they usually did the trick for me. Hope you feel like yourself again soon
2007-05-06 16:15:40 · answer #6 · answered by darthdawson 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
That sounds rough. I actually think it is way too early to introduce his new girlfriend to your kids. You guys just broke up and it is probably something your kids still have to deal with. And now he introduces someone else - it must be very confusing to them. Also, he can't know her long enough to bring her around them. I don't have kids but I would get to know a guy very well before introducing him to any kids I might have. You wouldn't want your kids to get confused by changing partners/dates.
As for him, he sounds like a loser. He lives with his mom without taking much responsibility. It sounds like he just wants someone to take care of him. Be glad he's not doing this to you anymore. He also sounds insensitive. So get over him. Let him babysit the kids and go out with some of your friends. Just take time for yourself to heal and only deal with him if you have to, to minimize contact!
Good luck with everything!
2007-05-06 16:21:06 · answer #7 · answered by binemaeuschen22 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Okay...marriage is like a three ring circus...you have your engagement ring, your wedding ring, and your suffer/ring!! I feel for you, honest!! You are okay...did you go to a local church today? Look for divorce groups in local publications...attend one or two. Between marriages, I was an absolute mess. I worked my fingers to the bone 7 days a week, nearly 16 hours a day. I went back east to visit my mom. I re-did her kitchen, fixed her car, and worked at a car restoration shop the rest of the time. I went to groups when the time allowed.
Besides, maybe your kids do like her car and beach house...question is, do they like HER? and, it doesn't sound like your ex is a fantastic catch, no offense. And will this girlfriend last? Chances are slim...I know, I had several girlfriends in the three years I was on the "re-bound!"
He IS on the rebound! He hurts...believe me, he does...although he has found a crutch to lean on. He sounds like he cannot deal with the situation by himself, so he has found comfort with a warm body.
Hang in there!!!!!! It is ok to feel sad. Time will tell...I will pray for you....
2007-05-06 16:27:30 · answer #8 · answered by not for now 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
cheer up, the new girlfriend has to deal with the jerk now and you DON'T!!!!! Do yourself a favor and don't talk to your ex about anything but your children.
You are allowed to feel sorry for yourself once in awhile, just put it in perspective though, he is 41 and lives with his MOTHER.......you on the other hand are an adult! Hang in there, it really does get better.
2007-05-06 16:12:36 · answer #9 · answered by abc 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Sounds rough. especially when you have kids together. Its alright to be jealous, five months is not very much time. You have not yet had time to heal from the split and get used to it. You could get a date I am sure if you weren't working so hard to take care of your kids. It will be easier tomorrow I am sure. Good luck!
2007-05-06 16:15:33 · answer #10 · answered by radice 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋