I've been married for nearly 3 years to a military man. On his 1st deployment, I ended up seeing someone else and eventually came clean about it. When he returned I later found out he had been talking to someone, as well, way before he deployed. We constantly bicker. He can be controlling and manipulating and is contantly telling me he can't trust me or forget what I did (when he too cheated on me as well). When I got pregnant, in a way he pressured me to have an abortion because he was always like: "Make a decision", "we can't afford a child", "what are you going to do?". So now he tells me I am to blame for having the abortion. He's currently deployed again and in a way I'm taking care of my mom who just got diagned with cancer. He gets mad b/c I can't be next to the phone when he calls and says I don't have him as my 1st priority. I'm trying to be a good wife. I love him and it hurts me he treats me like this. I feel like he's pushing me away. Help?!
2007-05-06 14:55:13 · 11 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I now it won't make it any better b/c I understand I was in the wrong, but he was seeing someone way before I met the other guy. He had been talking to her since December. I met *Chris in February and broke it off in August-before I told the husband. He in the other hand kept talking to her even after he got back.
2007-05-06 15:11:51 · update #1
The first thing to do is get counselling. However get it for yourself while he is deployed. Use the time that you are apart to figure out exactly why you married him in the first place and were those reasons the right ones. Decide if you can accept him if he is unwilling or unable to change. You have to come to terms with the fact that he may not and you need to know if you can live with that decision first.
2007-05-06 15:27:46 · answer #1 · answered by Elizabeth F 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Oh sweetie...the pressure of a deployed military husband and a sick mother is an awful lot to bear. So don't beat yourself up too much. But you shouldn't have cheated, and it is going to take a while to rebuild trust. I read a book that basically says to rebuilt trust after infidelity you have to be ABSOLOUTELY transparent about everything for a very long time. That is probably why he is getting angry if he can't reach you whenever he wants--becfause his imagination runs wild with fear.
I know counseling is an easy answer for me to give you--but I think you need some help from someone who is independent. And since he is deployed, it really is up to you to make a greater effort toward the marriage at this time. (I wish that wasn't true but it simply is.)
I'm sending good thoughts your way.
2007-05-06 22:05:43 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Being a military wife is, indeed, a hard life to adjust to...Also, having an ill parent makes it extra tough....You said that you love your husband....Remember that his life is no bed of roses right now either...You're his only connection to "life at home"...I'm sure that he does feel disappointed when he calls, if he doesn't get to talk to you...[Could you get a cell phone, if you don't already have one?] I'm sure that both of you really love each other, but your marriage maybe didn't have time enough to "jell" before he was deployed...Please try to "hang in there" til he's home and you can start fresh...Don't dwell on the abortion issue...It was a sad thing to happen, but you can only learn from it; not judge the rest of your life by it...Remember, "God has a plan for you and your husband." Keep your heart open and have patience....Good luck to you.
2007-05-06 22:18:02 · answer #3 · answered by mom 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hate to say it............but YOU CHEATED FIRST , so he cheated, and NO two wrongs don't make a right, but uh, at this point I'd have a hard time trusting you as well.
So my suggestion when he gets back THEARPY THERAPY THERAPY!!
A major trust has been broken. You probably don't wholly trust him, he doesn't trust you.So, just what exactly is your marriage based on? If you wanted to be w/ him and stay w/ you NEVER should've cheated on him to begin w/.
2007-05-06 22:07:00 · answer #4 · answered by blazing_fire 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He's abusing you. You both need counseling or it's finished. You shouldn't have cheated, he shouldn't have cheated. Obviously w/both people cheating nobody is getting any needs met. Is this even a marriage? I don't know.
2007-05-06 22:10:57 · answer #5 · answered by prouddaddy 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The Best suggestion for your marriage is to pray on it. Ask God to give you guidance, strength and courage in your time of need.
2007-05-06 22:12:14 · answer #6 · answered by Inviter2Truth 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
To an outsider it is clear. Your heart knows it too. It is over.
2007-05-06 22:21:51 · answer #7 · answered by ? 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
either you both grow up and decide to put 110 percent into your marriage and start from scratch (sounds like you both are guilty here) or divorce him ....
2007-05-06 22:05:12 · answer #8 · answered by abc 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
you both need SERIOUS marriage therapy
this is a BAD situation
2007-05-06 22:04:02 · answer #9 · answered by bronzebabekentucky 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Believe it or not abortion can destroy relationships.
2007-05-06 22:07:26 · answer #10 · answered by ? 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋