thoughts on swingers and open marriages?

Question

I think swingers and people with open marriages have no morals,no respect for their marriage vows and husband/wife,are not fully committed to each other,not satisfied with their sex life,have a weak marriage and something is missing,if they were really happy with each other they wouldnt need sex with other people and have no idea what a real marriage and true love is all about...Wedding vows say "forsake all others" not f**k all others.

Answer 1

I disagree with you. If a married couple is comfortable with swinging then they should do it. If a couple can have an open, honest relationship and swing with another couple, or have a third sex partner then that shows just how much that they love, respect, and trust each other. It shows me that they are committed to each other even more than all of the couples who have to sneak around and have an affair to be with someone else. It is a natural human feeling to be attracted to more than one person. I think it is great that some couples can have an awesome sex life with each other as well as others that they are attracted to and respect and love each other to do it together and not have an affair.

Answer 2

Swingers Board.com

Answer 3

Ah, jennifer v, you are making some huge assumptions there. First, you are taking your personal definitions of marriage, true love, and morality and thinking everyone should think and feel the way you do. Well, everyone is different, and what works for one doesn't necessarily work for someone else.

Now morals? I think anyone that knows me, including those that know my wife and I are swingers, would probably tell you that I'm one of the most moral people they know. I'm fair to a fault in all my dealings in both my personal and business life. I live by harming no one - physically, emotionally, or financially.

Committed? Forsake all others? My wife and I are very committed to each other. In fact, our relationship is built on trust and love, not suspicion and jealousy like so many others. We can truly not see ourselves married to anyone else. We have each other's back. We are each other's best friend. I think again, many of our friends would tell you we're the most committed and happy couple they know. We are partners for life.

I don't know about your wedding vows, but nowhere in the ones we took did it say anything about not having consensual non-monogamy. We did take a vow to never "forsake" each other, and we won't. Websters defines forsake as "to renounce or turn away from entirely; to abandon." To forsake someone you harm them through deceit for your personal gain. You "throw them under the bus" so to say. That we will never do.

Missing? Nah. Not at all. Now granted some get into swinging because they feel something is missing and think se with others will magically fix or spice-up their failing relationship, but those that are not just a flash in the pan in swinging are successful at it because nothing is missing in their relationship. They swing as a natural extension of their relationship. It's an overabundance of love, not a lack of it. We don't "need" sex with others, we like to include others in our sex life as part of fulfilling our fantasies. We can take them or leave them. But, since we can do it without the jealousies that many others exhibit, we do.

All in all, you did not ask a question, you simply stated your opinion.

Answer 4

I'm not going to waste a lot of time on this because it's falling on deaf ears anyway. You want to believe what you just stated, Jennifer, so my arguments won't make much difference. But it really irks me that such blind assumptions are put out there like they're fact, spoken with the "fiery breath of righteousness". Give. Me. A. Break.

Here we go.

"I think swingers and people with open marriages have no morals,"

FALSE.

"no respect for their marriage vows..."

FALSE.

"...and husband/wife,"

FALSE.

"...are not fully committed to each other"

FALSE.

",not satisfied with their sex life"

SOOOOO FALSE.

",have a weak marriage"

LOLOLOL (ahem.) FALSE.

"and something is missing,"

BZZZT! Wrong again.

"if they were really happy with each other they wouldnt need sex with other people"

TRUE. The key here is the word "need". We don't NEED sex with others. We just like it.


" and have no idea what a real marriage and true love is all about..."
What, you mean like valuing our spouse's happiness and quality of life over our own negative insecurities? Like FORSAKING the rest of the bloody world and it's small-minded opinions for the comfort and peace of knowing that, no matter what, you will always have one another? That we can rely on one another to have our back when we're not around to defend ourselves? That we KNOW for a fact that, given the choice of any other lover in the world, they prefer us any day of the week and twice on Sunday? I guess we are pretty clueless, huh?

"Wedding vows say "forsake all others" not f**k all others."

I promised to be my husband's best friend, and spend my life improving his. Period. I don't care if he reciprocates or not. If I died tomorrow and I could know that I have improved his life at all, I will die feeling that my work here has been done. My happiness only exists when HE is living the life he was meant to live. I REFUSE to limit him as a human being, and that includes his remarkable, beautiful sexuality. I love him too much to fence him in when he's so much...more...when given his liberty. All I ever ask of him is that he respects the fact that I have given him an entire human life. And he does. He enjoys the company of other women (and I enjoy other men's company) because it makes us happy. I'm sorry if you find this offensive.

Answer 5

You have never been involved so are hardly in a position to give an opinion. For those of us that are, it is an adventure we go on with our soulmates, it requires absolute honesty and trust, It is definately not about not being satisfied with our sex lives, as a matter of fact the people we meet are normally in very longterm marriages and have fantastic sexual relationships with their partners. Swingers enjoy seeing their partner satisfied more then themselves, they are able to put aside jealousy. Swingers statistically have a lower divorce rate than non-swingers, swingers in studies decribe themselves as very happy at a rate of 61% vs. 32% for the rest of the population. On average they are mostly republican, upper middle class, with an average age of 40.5 yrs. .... And....I can almost gaurantee you that at least one couple you know, a coworker, relative, neighbor, friend, or that couple next to you in church are swingers. Ive have run into doctors, lawyers, coworkers, a cousin, and one of my neighbor at clubs.
www.ejhs.org/volume3/swing/body.htm

Answer 6

Some ppl like that. I'm not into it but I understand it. Sometimes they want to try something new, like to experiment. Or think that it'll save the marriage or spice up it up. There are a lot of reasons. But whatever floats their boat! If they enjoy it and it's not hurting anyone else, then more power to you. But if you don't like it, not like u have to participate or see it so works both ways. It doesn't really matter to me, everyone has their own life to lead. ;)

Answer 7

I TOTALLY AGREE WITH YOU TODAYS SOCIETY HAS GONE TO THE SHITTER WITH THE VIEW ON MARRIAGE AND FAITHFULNESS. I DO BELIEVE MANY PEOPLE HAVE FORGOTTEN WHAT THE VOWS ARE ALL ABOUT AND THAT THEY ARE SAYING THEM UNDER THE EYE'S OF GOD AND HIS COURT. I HAVE BEEN MARRIED FO ALMOST 8YRS NOW AND WOULD NOT LET ANY PERSON TOUCH MY WIFE INTIMATELY OTHER THEN MYSELF.

Personally I think alot of marriages today lack the love and commitment they once had. That people would rather screw around with others then work at keeping a marriage going strong. I think if more people like you and myself would realize the importance of commitment to the one you marry
that the whole divorce sector would crumble.

It is so pathetic that people think man my wife or my husband has no sex drive I need to go cheat on them. Rather then rationalizing the reason for the change hormonal imbalance,
stress, anxiety issues, and any other medical issues. If we as husbands/wives are to be there through sickness and health
why do so many married people just screw over the person they are suppose to love and cherish?.

God Bless and Best Wishes in Life and Marriage.

Answer 8

For the sake of trust and commitment, I would not dream of an open marriage. Would you want to be with another man? It is hard to think that someone is doing something with your significant other. Would you blame him if he really enjoyed it. What will happen to your special bond? In the short run, it can be very nice but think of the long term effects for both of you.

Answer 9

i have in-laws that r swingers i dont know them well b/c they dont live locally but its well known in the family b/c they r open about it as people they r nice and have been married 4 a long time and have grown children.she had an affair once so maybe thats something to do with it???anyway i personally dont agree with it but as long as they dont try to involve me(ha ha) its none of my business

Answer 10

And you're entitled to your opinion...as are they.

Welcome to America.

I don't think they're a serious threat to our way of life.

If any couple can survive happily for at least 8 years, they're beating the odds, and I could care less if they have "clown sex."

Take care of your own relationship.