Do Asperger's people have normal male/female relationships?

Question

I'm wondering if Asperger's people are more prone to being single rather than married or in long term relationships? I ask this since Aspies often have problems reading emotions and responding. Perhaps someone who has Asperger's or experience in a relationship with an Aspie can comment. Thanks.

Answer 1

I am married to an Aspie guy, and he's a wonderful husband. The "aspie" traits do get in the way a lot, but we have learned how to make allowances for them and work with them. For example, I might tell him, "I need you to come give me a hug now." when I am obviously upset. Sometimes, he remembers without my saying anything, and sometimes not, but now that we understand his disorder, we're both OK with being more flexible. He does have trouble reading emotions, and know the appropriate response, but he's a really good guy - loyal, smart, kind, and hard-working - so I can deal with it.


I was my husband's first real girlfriend in college. He had been on a few first or second dates before, but he needed to be in a bar with a few drinks in him to even be able to be approached by a girl. He would not have asked me out at all, but we met at the bookstore, and struck up a conversation over one of his obsessions (leonardo da vinci). I have always need to be the one to move things along - from setting up our firat date, to deciding to get engaged, etc. Aspies can be very loving, but always seem to have a little trouble with changes. I needed to "drop" the idea of moving house, for example, let him think about it for a month, let him complain and worry over it, and then gently push him along when he decided it was the right choice. That's been a difficulty in our relationship.


I should note that our son has autism, and it really helps me to understand my husband. It's easier to see that my husband just needs some alone time when he's "tantrumming", since he has trouble dealing with sensory overload, too. I try not to be judgemental when he's stomping around angrily, just encourage him to spend some time alone in his home office.

Thank God for diagnosis - my husband says he really wishes he had known about Asperger's syndrome as a confused little boy constantly being called to the school psychologist's office. Our marriage would be a lot more difficult without understanding his "issues". He's a great husband, and I'm happy to have him, Asperger's and all. After all, he will never cheat on me, and spends his time relaxing with his family instead of going out to the bars with friends. He's smart and logical, and quite literally cannot lie to me. He's really a great catch!

Answer 2

I am married to man with Asperger's. We did not know when we met that he had Asperger's..this was diagnosed years later, after our son was diganosed with autism and we realized there were many similiarities between the two and sought an evaluation. My husband had had two other serious relationships prior to me, however they both ended when he became overly focused on the person and/or when the relationship developed to the point where more compromise became part of everyday life. Our relationship has not been an easy one. I am very social and outgoing, my husband has a harder time making friends (he only has a few and none that would be considered close friends). The things he is interested in become the overwhelming focus of his life and this has nearly ended the marriage more than once when he is so involved in whatever his newest interest is that he no longer is an active participant in the marriage or parenting. I have often found myself having to explain his "odd" behaviors and remind him that not everyone at a gathering will be as fascinated with the few lines from his latest favorite movie. We have gone into couples therapy three times over 14 years and he has made progress and does try very hard. It is not an easy life, especially with an autistic child and another with learning issues, but I do love him and am committed to trying to keep the marriage.

Answer 3

Aspies vary a lot...
(and yes, I too consider that an acceptable short-hand term.
I was diagnosed 2 years ago)

But I'm 50 and single, and will probably remain that way.
Yes, I have had girlfriends, and I'm not a virgin, but short of a life-changing encounter I feel no desperate desire to be part of a couple.

I did when I was younger, but that was something of a mistake... I was unhappy, and noticed that people in couples tended to at least look happier. Therefore, to be happier, I should get a girlfriend.
Wonderfully logical Aspie thinking, I now realise. Not "fall in love with someone", but acquire *a* girlfriend. As you might guess, this was not successful.
I can do committment, honesty, reliability, humour, consideration, and I'm good at putting up shelves.
But "love" I'm not sure about. I can't define the term well enough to be happy using it.
(A problem for any prospective partner for whom "love" is important?)

Answer 4

I have maintained a seven year marriage with someone else who has trouble with emotions. He spends all day online and doesn't mind so much that I would rather be single/alone since he acts single/alone too. I have a lot of trouble making and keeping other friends though. My interests are often too narrow or I think too black and white for many people to tolerate my reactions for very long.

Answer 5

A few guys liked me and I didn't know until I got to be more high functioning. There was this one guy who had me over to his house many times. He said that most people who are friends end up dating(I asked if we were this and he said no so I didn't think he liked me), he gave me a valentine cookie(and said it was for being a good friend), and was really nice to me and spent a lot of time with me. Another guy spent a lot of time with me and asked if I liked anybody and I said nobody and he said he could see that I liked him. It can sometimes be hard for someone with Asperger's to see if the person wants a friendship or more because it's harder to pick up the subtle cues. I liked a guy last year. I think he liked me back because he spent the most amount of time possible with me usually and gave me a valentine cookie. I don't know if he know I liked him or not. We never officially went out.

Answer 6

What is an Aspie. People have Asperger's syndrome, they are not the syndrome. Anyway, people with Asperger's may have more difficulty with relationships, but many that I know are great people. I have known many people who don't have any disorders who have more difficulty in relationships.

Answer 7

If you wish to learn to create greater ties and build more meaningful relationships with girls, then that https://tr.im/R89ww is worth examining out.
Tao of Badass is a useful information if you'll need a deeper comprehension of why women are attracted to strong, confident men.
Tao of Badass covers a lot of the key concepts that are very important to increasing your success with women. Explains essential subjects such as for instance why girls check men and the significance of gender tasks really well.
It also provide stable home elevators making rapport and contacts with women and has lots of extra content in the people area. 

Answer 8

my bro has asperger's.. he is very hard to read and most chicks think he is a mystery. a couple break through though and he has learned to ask about emotions for people he gets close to so that he doesnt hurt them unintentionally (he can be very brutal - honest but brutal.) his relationships have been fairly normal for a young person and one lasted quite a while and only ended because she was a moron. i think people with asperger's need to educate loved ones about their condition as well as understand their problems and learn to navigate other ways. people without it need to understand that your signals dont always come through loud and clear and that what you feel may be hurtful to you is just a fact to them. keeping these things in mind, anything can be accomplished.