Serious question for a very serious issue. I have been married to the father of my child for one year. I can't say enough how unhappy I am. We argue almost every day, I've seen numbers and text messages from other women in his phone, and he can't keep a job. Since we have been married he's had 4 jobs. He just started another one a couple weeks ago, and almost called in late today bc he was 'tired'. Our bills are backed up. We've lived off credit cards for the past 2 mths, and all my income has gone directly to bills, which @ times isn't enough. I'm a full time employee, full time student, and come home to be a wife and mother....and needless to say, I'm emotionally drained by all this (him). His promise in our marriage was to be the leader and to take care of me and his child. Honestly, all I want is him 2 hold up his end of the bargain...he constantly lets me and our daughter down with his instability and its weighing heavy on me. Ive considered a divorce but I want my child to have both parents. I love him, but I have to love me more, and do what's best for us all. That's my issue...I don't know what the best IS.
2007-05-06 12:12:58 · 45 answers · asked by Kimmie 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I feel your pain. And i do mean that. I am going through the same thing. The only difference is that there are no other women calling him or involved.
We argue alot and most of the time now, i wonder if he even cares or even loves me anymore. We were in credit debt up and over our ears (all credit under my name of course) and we finally were able to pay a really big chunk of it cause we sold and bought a house. Well, credit card is rising again and i am pissed. I haven't bought anything for myself in years. I finally bought my self 1 pair of jeans, the first time in over a year. He's always thinking of himself. He gets new jeans, a new computer, cause his sopossedly puked and i get nothing.
I feel my role in this so-called relationship is a job, a job with no incentives. He doesn't appreciate anything i do for him.
But you have to do what is best for you and your child, (which i am in the process of deciding). Talk to him, tell him how you feel. Go to a marriage counciler. If he doesn't change, then leave because all you will be doing is "killing" yourself. Cause thats how i feel like i'm doing to myself. Good Luck
2007-05-06 12:25:12 · answer #1 · answered by Proud mommy of 2 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It will not be easier alone, but if you believe that he is seeing other women then you are in danger of catching a fatal disease and you should walk now.
He will probably someday learn to hold down a job, but if he is acting like you say he is then he may be doing drugs, in which case he is not capable of being responsible or supporting a family.
Prepare the best you can. Get a lawyer. Taks advantage of whatever social programs there are and make sure you take from the relationship what is yours. Act soon. Don't let your emotions keep you from saving yourself and your child.
2007-05-06 12:22:10 · answer #2 · answered by Cattlemanbob 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Love yourself enough to know when is ENOUGH. Sometimes outside viewers see it more clearly than someone who is so drained and tired as yourself. You are wise to seek opinions of others, but I advise you to also ask family and close friends how they see it.
Your child can be raised to have both parents, but that does not mean you have to live in the same house, and be married. Best to you
Laura
2007-05-06 12:19:43 · answer #3 · answered by laura_va_2002 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
You obviously didnt know him well enough before you married hi Usually it takes drastic steps to get a guys attention to MAKE him realize something is wrong it is serious and if he wants to keep his marriage he is going to HAVE to make some changes.Tell him he has a month to get it together then your filing for divorce, and if he doesnt, then file for divorce, move home,then give him time to realize he has messed up.Then make him PROVE he is able and willing to be the husband and father he is supposed to be.
2007-05-06 12:21:04 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Kimmie,
How will your situation improve leaving him? Where will you go? If you have the support system set up somewhere else while you finish school and people elsewhere to help with the baby then you don't have a lot to think about. Without that though... I would stay stick it out finish school, make sure you can take care of yourself and the baby first. It may seem like you do everything and with school and work and mothering are exhausted but take some time to observe and appreciate what he puts in, because if/when you walk you won't have that anymore. Probably pretty unpopular coming from a girl but why can't he keep a job and why do you fight everyday... what were your promises in the marriage? Is he getting that?
2007-05-06 12:32:30 · answer #5 · answered by maria e 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Even if you don't walk it is def time to have one serious talk. I have a friend who went thru something similar except no children involved. Keep in mind, altho divorce can be bad for a child sometimes staying together simply for the sake of him/her can be even worse. No child wants to watch their parents constantly fight.
2007-05-06 12:19:40 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I didn't read your whole paragraph either, I just skimmed through it. Sounds like the same old stuff, why did you get married in the first place? Marriage is tough because you have to accept the person for who they are and if they can't accept you then maybe you need to talk about it. Women always seem to think they can change a guy but you can't people are who they are and you need to deal with it or just accept that you shouldn't have gotten married in the first place.
2007-05-06 12:22:21 · answer #7 · answered by cuvelx 3 · 0⤊ 2⤋
You're daughter will still have both her parents. Would you rather your daughter grow up in a healthy environment were both parents are happy or were both are miserable. Do yourself a big favor and love yourself enough to walk away. She'll still have here parents if you both let her.
2007-05-06 12:20:55 · answer #8 · answered by clarnely_2001 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Show him this post. Let him know how you feel. My heart goes out to you. I would recommend asking yourself if you are better with or without him. It sounds like you can take care of yourself.
Maybe give him an ultimatum.Either shape up or ship out.
Best of luck my dear.
2007-05-06 12:21:09 · answer #9 · answered by shania3949 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You need to sit down with him and show it to him on paper how bad off financially you are. Then explain to him how you need him to be the leader he is supposed to be. You also need to ask hima bout the phone numbers and messages. If there is infidelity, then it is time to go.
2007-05-06 12:20:48 · answer #10 · answered by mpblackbelt 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You are doing alot. He will want time from you too. Maybe he is behaving like this because you are so busy. Other women=other attention. I am disappointed with the man I married too. I'm sure he reacts badly to what I do and say.Some men just want a wife to give them a home. But who needs it? Life is short. Do what you have too.
2007-05-06 13:09:16 · answer #11 · answered by sheila 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋