I want Out!!?

Question

I have tried and tried to be considerate, patient, and loving to my boyfriends kids 10 and 6 years old. He gets them every other weekend. For the past couple of months I have felt that I am (intentionally or unintentionally) being left out of the "family" fun plans. This week, knowing they would be over, I had planned on a pizza and movie night at home, but my boyfriend abruptly made plans of his own for a movie and fast food without me. He asked me if i wanted to go, but not til last minute and it was right after i got off work. He totally disregarded that I had already made plans. I feel that either the kids don't like me, have told him about it and he doesn't wish to deal with it, or his controlling ex-wife is pressuring him because she doesn't like me. I feel like I just running away from the whole situation.

We have been living together over two years, and we have discussed marriage in the fall.

Answer 1

Have a talk with him, that is very disrespectful. Ask him where do you stand in this relationship, I know its hard to deal with step kids, thankfully I was in my stepdaughter's life ever since she was 1 year old and we have a great relationship, she went through the terrible twos and it was very hard for me to deal with it, I had to talk to my husband and let him know if he is going to continue undermining me than I was just going to be out of the picture. I was not going to allow a two year old to run my house, no I don't think so. Finally he understood and he gave me the rights I deserve as his wife. Like I said it is hard to deal with step children but its doable. I wish you good luck.

Answer 2

You don't sound like you like the kids very much either. I don't know if you get how hard it is for kids to adjust to new changes. Maybe your boyfriend just isn't ready to bring you into the picture full time yet. If his kids have indicated to him that they don't want to spend time with you yet and he's listening to them, I applaud him for putting his kids first! It's not fair to blame it on the ex wife either - try to put yourself in his family's shoes.

However, that being said, your boyfriend owes you an explanation. Sit down with him and find out what's going. Ask him flat out if there's a problem with the kids not liking you. If he says they need more time, give it to them! When you do start coming into the picture more often, try to spend individual time with each kid and really get to know them. Talk about common interests and what your likes are.

When a man has been a family man, you don't just be with him....the kids are part of the package too. Try not to think of it as anyone's fault until you get the full story from your boyfriend. Remember that divorce is not easy on anyone, least of all the partner who's been left behind and the kids. If you can't do that, then run away. There is more to the story here than just how you feel.

Answer 3

I too deal with similar issues.

When my husband and the kids get to acting like that, I do my own thing. I go with my friends, or if I want to relax at home, I have a 36" TV with surround sound in our room. I go get what ever "girl" flick just came out and go live in my own little world for an afternoon or evening. Between the two, and the fact that it is only every other weekend, it passes swiftly and pleasantly.

I get my alone time, they get their daddy time, he gets his kid time. All without resentments. It has been like this for ten years and i would not change a thing.

As the years have passed I am no longer a threat to them. I am always asked to join them now, and sometimes do.

Good luck. Blended families can be rough.

Answer 4

Well sugar It is all about the kids.They deserve the right to spend as much time with dad as possible.Instead of making this about
you find innovative ways to help your boyfriend become a good father.There is no situation,only a jealous woman who does not know how to handle a simple situation

Answer 5

You didn't mention whether you loved him or not? that's reason enough to leave, especially if you don't have children with him. Maybe you should try dating guys that don't have children for awhile, you might find a difference on how they treat you. At least dating someone without children will give you more of a chance for the both of you's to focus just on the 2 of you's.

Answer 6

well your not married so you don't have that commitment keeping you there, if you feel like it is to much then get out of the relationship, because the kids are going anywhere they will always be there.
but maybe you should ask him up front what is going on, maybe he really isn't trying to leave you out he is just an inconciderate person, i dont' know
well if you are going to decide to break it off do it now BEFORE you get married.

Answer 7

Been there, done that, and actually got through it. If I had to do it over again, I would not have gotten involved. I was already married to the guy and his three kids came to live with us because there Mother was beating them. I didn't have a choice the way you do.

Answer 8

Have I got some advice for you. I have a 17 y.o. stepson who almost broke up my marriage. The main reason is because his father was unable to demand his son treat him, me, and our rules with respect.
Perhaps I'm bitter but if I had to do it over again, I probably wouldn't. I saw a wimpy side of my husband that's not very attractive and I saw a child with a lot of potential grow up to be a selfish, out of control child.
Since you're "only" a step parent, you truly have no say. You have to sit back and watch it happen.
Please demand your husband respect your wishes. Of course the kids are important but his leaving you out of this part of his life is selfish.
Good luck. You're gonna need it.

Answer 9

if they are leaving you out, then make plans for your self and some Friends.mention it in front of them so they ask to come along but say it is just for u and ur friends. make them feel the way you felt.

or...

talk to your boyfriend and explain to him you situation and ask him to tell u about the plans he made before the last minute.

Answer 10

Boyfriend is inconsiderate, but he did try to make it up by inviting you (albeit at the last minute). You should have gone. But this whole thing makes you unhappy, so consider ending it asap. It will only get more annoying, especially if the kids don't like you.