Ladies, does it bother you when your husband looks at pornography?

Question

Lately I've been feeling unsexy and depressed because my father died and I have been dealing with weight issues. I found porno CDs in my husband's DVD player that he watched while I was away with my mom grieving over my father's death. I also found porno pictures on his computer. I told him that I am bothered by it and he thinks it's okay to continue doing it eventhough it bothers me. It makes me feel even worse about my weight to see that he's doing this. I've read about why men look at porn a thousand times, and it still doesn't make much sense to me why they NEED to look at a picture of someone, especially bothersome when it's a picture of a girl that's not even his type.

Men don't listen, either... didn't I just say that my FATHER DIED?? Why would I want to have sex 3-4 times per week when I am dealing with this? I lost my job because of it and I can't concentrate. YOU flip it around and imagine your wife/ girlfriend masturbating to a guy who you think is ugly while you are trying to work through your father/mother's death. Yeah.. it's hard isn't it?

Answer 1

You should not feel insecure about that.My husband and I watch them together.Maybe you should try to watch it with him before you knock it.

Answer 2

First of all, I'm sorry to hear about your father. I think your husband is a jerk for looking at these things when he should be offering you his moral support.

Weight problems are something that I can understand. I know that I felt insecure when my ex was looking that stuff too. One way I learned to look at it is that as long as he's taking it out on me, at least he wasn't cheating. DON'T let him get away with that! He needs to be there for morally right now, not looking at other women and making you feel even more secure. My ex hubby had porn around all the time and for some reason, men think you're supposed to be okay with it. YEAH IT BUGS ME!!!!

Ask him why he feels he needs it. Ask him for reassurance that he stills loves you and ask him to stop for a period of time to help you grieve. Let him know that you're already feeling low and this is not helping anything. If he can't give you his support, then maybe he's not such a great guy.

As far as your weight goes, weight varies with stress and that could be part of your problem. Remember that you are a beautiful person on the inside and that should count much more than what's on the outside! Your husband needs to remind you why he fell in love with you - because I doubt it was all to do with outside. You can be gorgeous on the outside and have the personality of an infected toe nail. Beauty on the inside radiates throughout.

Good luck to you. I hope that helps a bit.

Answer 3

No it doesn't bother me when my husband looks at porn... watches porn movies or downloads porn from the internet..

It would bother me if he didn't put it away (movies in the locked cabinet, internet pictures and videos in the passworded file) when he was done... So our children don't get a hold of it... Other than that he can watch as much porn as he wants...

Men really don't have a type of girl when it comes to porn pictures.. all they see is body parts not the whole... As long as the boobs or legs or whatever part they are looking at interests them the compilation of the whole doesn't really matter.... Women in pornography pictures are normally not seen as women with anything other than body parts to offer...

If you don't make an issue of it and infact encourage his viewing the "forbidden" allure quickly wears off and his viewing will decrease greatly... "Forbidden" equals fun to most people and they will continue to do something long past it's initial appeal for the thrill of the "forbidden"...

Try viewing some of the porn with your husband, you may be surprised at what you learn by listening to your husbands comments..

As per your addition, seek counseling pornography viewing isn't the real issue here it's just the issue you have latched onto... Grief and you inability to deal with it and move on are more the issue... You have allowed the death of your father and the grief to invade your life and stop you from living it.. I.E. lost your job over it...

If you do not seek counseling and mighty quickly your life, body image and marriage will continue to spiral out of control...

Answer 4

First of all I would like to express my sympathy for the loss of your father, it can be a very hard time when you lose someone that close. I know you were looking for input from females so I hope you don’t mind me answering your question. I know it bothers some women for their husbands or boyfriends to look at pornography.

I think you should talk to your husband about it, tell him your feelings about it.
All I know if my wife or girlfriend came to me and told me that something I was doing made them feel as bad as you feel about what he is doing I would stop doing it right away. I could never make my wife feel that way; I hope your husband feels the same way.

If he is not willing to stop then maybe its a good time for you two to take a break from each other. It might do you both some good to live alone for a couple of months.

Answer 5

First off ... I'm sorry about your dad. Losing a loved one is never easy.

As for the porn ... been there ... done that ... have the scars to prove it :-( If you want to talk more about this feel free to e-mail me.

Here's some info from Dr. Phils web site
"Is internet porn cheating?"
http://www.drphil.com/articles/article/54

It is not OK behavior. It is a perverse and ridiculous intrusion into your relationship. It is an insult, it is disloyal and it is cheating.

Consider how it makes your partner feel. If it makes your partner feel ugly, hurt, deceived, lied to or inadequate, then it needs to stop. If it is eroding your relationship, it's gone too far.

Pornography isn't real, it's a fantasy. It's makeup, beauty lenses, hair extensions, camera angles, lighting and silicone! It's also somebody's daughter who has taken a really, really wrong turn. She's demeaning herself, debasing herself, humiliating herself and she's being exploited by people who are funded by you. It is a sick, demented, twisted world. It's not healthy, it's not natural and it's not normal.

Answer 6

Just because your husband is looking at porno doesn't mean that he doesn't find you attractive. He should definitely be more respectful of your feelings about it, but maybe you could take this as motivation to do something about your weight. If you're unhappy with how you look, do something about it. Once you feel good about yourself, it wont bother you so much that he looks at that stuff. And if the girls aren't even his type, then what are you worrying about? Being on a diet doesn't mean that you can't look at the menu, and everyone enjoys porn every once in a while

Answer 7

Pornography is basically a drug addiction, though the drugs in question are ones manufactured by the human body itself. Neurotransmitters such as ephinephrin and seratonin are produced during highly intense emotional occasions, such as during sexual climax. With each climax event, the brain craves these chemicals more and more.

Pornography is one of the worst and strongest chemical addictions. The materials you found are simply the means to "manufacture" the chemicals if you will. He should dispose of these materials and seek help in a group therapy. He will always be a recovering porn addict.

Also, keep him away from MSG. This compound interacts with similar receptors in the body and may create a craving in him to search out porn. It's in a lot more things than you think. Ever wonder why "nobody can eat just one" Lays potato chip? They are LOADED with MSG.

Answer 8

Does your husband love you, it sounds like he doesn't.When I fount porn on my husbands computer it made me sick.The porn it's self I don't care it was the kind of pictures he had.I just got red of them and he just got new ones.Look hon, it is what it is,the damage was done to him long before you met him so there really isn't anything you can do about it.If you have son's of your own that is where it starts. If you raise him right he won't have the need to look at porn.I'm not talking about looking at pictures all guys do that I'm talking about someone that hides it and who needs it,they are the ones we can stop before it's to late.Most mother are afraid to talk to their kids about sex let alone talk to their son's about porn.If we want it to stop then we as mother have to get on the ball here and do something about it.I have with my son,he says he doesn't get it, why do guy want to sit around and watch that.
Him and his friends would rather watch wrestling or play games on their computers.My son is 26 years old.

Answer 9

They NEED to look at it becuz men are turned on visually unlike women who are emotionally connected to sex. But as long as he is not having sex with any of those women I personally don't see a reason to get offended. Men do not expect us to look like the women in those pornos....although it would be nice--they live with us and those women are basically fantasy for them. He will do it more when you keep making a big deal out of it. Let him have his privacy and maybe if you relax your mind off of it you may even benefit with some great sex from his porno "habit". My husband & I watch them together!

Answer 10

No. Why can't he enjoy himself? It is very normal and very healthy. At least he gets a hard on. At least he likes sex and sex with women. Who cares what they look like.

I know you are sad, but there is nothing wrong with him watching a little porn. At least he is not cheating on you. Let him fulfill his nbeeds while you are preoccupied. He is basically waiting for you to get back in the swing of things.

Answer 11

Men tend to only think about their needs. It is all about fantasizing about stuff that you won't do. So don't feel bad. Well you will, but talk to him about it. If you married him, he must love you. The girl in the picture don't have to be his type, any slutty girl will do. They have no value to him whatsoever, except the price he paid for her.