I don't know what to do. I'm 33, in a two year relationship and engaged, but have been having second thoughts. I love him and think he is great, but I'm also not sure he is the one. I get this feeling that I'd be settling with him, even though when I think about it rationally, he is a great guy. What is going on? Fears or instinct telling me this is not right? Also, when I imagine our future together, I can't help but get happy and teary thinking about how we'd get married, have kids and etc. But, those moments are replaced but doubts about if he's going to be enough, good looking enough, smart enough, fun enough etc. He is sucessful, responsible, easygoing, loving, puts me first in everything, supportive, we have great time together, BUT I get anxiety constantly. My parents also think (not so much say) that he is not good enough...
2007-05-06 09:22:21 · 11 answers · asked by GG 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
If you are having anxiety, it's for a reason.
If you really care about him, ask yourself if you would rather have him deal with this now or later ? Once you are married, things get a little more intense if these feelings don't go away. Add children to the mix and you are affecting more lives.
I would not get married until you are sure he is "enough". There are alot of reasons people get married, make sure you are doing it for the right ones or heartache will follow for all involved.
2007-05-06 09:33:00 · answer #1 · answered by MaxManning 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds to me like you are the one not ready for marriage. When you take a partner for (hopefully) the rest of your life, you take all of the person, not just the parts you like or don't like. It really sounds to me like you are in love with the thought of being in love, married and having a family. The reality is the friendship base you and the man has. Believe me, when you get married and start having children, the stressors really begin. Being a wife and a parent is not a game, it's work and you may not often get much reward for the work you put in. If you're having second thoughts now, it can only get worse. Hate to see another couple end up divorced. Suggest you and he set up premarital counseling with your priest, minister, counselor, marriage and family therapist or someone QUALIFIED to help the two of you find some answers now.
2007-05-06 16:58:46 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
This is only a sign that you are too immature to get married. If he is such a great guy the problem is not with him, it is with you. When you are mature in love you don't worry about if there is someone out there who is better - in looks, money, etc. because there is ALWAYS someone better out there because no one is perfect. And by the way, that statement is applicable for your fiancee as well! There is someone better than you out there. It is not about if he is good enough. It is not about settling. EVERYONE has FLAWS - including you! But, again it is not about that.
It is about being in love with someone and making a pledge to love them forever regardless of who else is out there. This kind of decision takes maturity and committment neither of which you sound ready for. Just remember no one is perfect rather you will have to decide who you is perfect for you - even with their flaws.
2007-05-06 16:59:40 · answer #3 · answered by Challenge 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well it sounds to me that you need to check yourself...first off...your only engaged...your not married yet....maybe put the wedding date back so you can do a bit more thinking. Don't worry what your parents say or friends(they aren't the ones who will be marrying your guy and living with him 24/7).
Sit down and really think the pros and cons about your guy. It could be just as simple as knowing deep down that you are just not ready to get married.
You maybe comfortable in your engagement situation but marriage is a more permanant thing. And you could just be not ready for that yet.
Before you say "I Do"....you might just say "I wait" take some time for yourself and ask yourself this.
"Will this marriage meet all my needs over time....and will it meet his?"
If you can't answer it....you need to pospone or cancel the wedding...you would just be making a lie.
Good luck to you!
2007-05-06 16:35:10 · answer #4 · answered by mshellrosie 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If you feel this insecure its best to wait and see, you are the one that is going to have to live with him and you cant let others influence you, he seems like a great guy and im sure there are things that are not perfect, but no one is perfect and therefore there is no perfect relationship...its about whats right for you...
2007-05-06 17:05:16 · answer #5 · answered by Renee 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
you probably are not ready for marriage. post pone the wedding til you are absolutely sure. so many marriages end up in divorce. mothers know best. but they are also sometimes not completely right. it also sounds that you are not finished going out and letting your hair down. also stop being so full of yourself. if he is such a great guy then why isn't he married yet?
2007-05-06 17:32:22 · answer #6 · answered by adk_in_ar 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hon, If you have any doubt now is the time to get out ! For not just your sake but his and the possible kids. Pray about it ! I hate to say it but parents instincs are usually right !
2007-05-06 16:51:15 · answer #7 · answered by lonewolf 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
do him a favor and cut him free....I would hope that anyone I married would not wonder if I were "good enough" "good looking enough", etc. I certainly hope you have one hell of a lot to offer, that you are gorgeous, and have a very high IQ...otherwise, I am sure you will not be "good enough" for others. Lord, what a bunch of malarky!
2007-05-06 16:37:22 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
Uhhh, you're not ready if you're having thoughts like "is he good enough, good looking enough.....etc....where did the 'enough' come from. Do you love him or not? Doesn't sound like you love him ENOUGH. Take stock in your feelings and decide if you're ready to commit for forever.
2007-05-06 16:31:28 · answer #9 · answered by prouddaddy 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
What ever but your not getting any younger time counting down for you .You better make your choice before its to late to get any guy at all.
2007-05-06 16:45:52 · answer #10 · answered by dad 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋