Children out of wedlock - the male's or the female's fault?

Question

I often visit an ethnic american message board to read and contribute to discussions on various issues. One issue that often crops up is rises in the numbers of out of wedlock children.

Many of the men on the site feel that women are ultimately responsible for OOW children because all they have to do is "close their legs". They feel that women are more responsible because women are ultimately the ones left "holding the baby" so to speak, so its down to them to take greater preventative action.

I feel however that men and women are equally responsible, as i do not see why the fact that the woman usually shoulders the responsibility of caring for the child, has any bearing on the rights and wrongs of OOW children.

I want to ask the question here, because there is a broader spectrum of races here, so i can get a more international perspective.

I realise not everyone believes in marriage, so lets change the focus from OOW children to unwanted pregnancies.

Ascoile, read the question again, slowly. No-one is suggesting that its all the man's fault, but some people feel its all the female's fault. I think both are equally responsible.

Answer 1

You are absolutely correct.. no question about it. Men and women are equally responsible. As others commented on here, "It takes two to tango". The guys that feel that the women are more responsible are just absolute morons. The statement that "all women have to do is close their legs" is really stupid in my eyes.. because one could just turn around and say "all men have to do is keep their pants on!".. AND.. just because a woman is the one that actually has the baby, that doesn't mean that it's up to them to take all the preventative action.

EITHER party.. if they don't want to take responsibility for their actions, shouldn't be having sex in the first place then! It really, truly is that easy. Don't do it.. and you won't "get in trouble".

I am not looking at this from any ethnic/racial perspective or anything either.. This is my opinion wherever you come from.

Answer 2

I think both also. I have a son OOW, and I never once felt it was my fault/my boyfriend's fault more over the other. WE did it, and WE are working it out. I would also like to pose another question - Children in broken families - the male or female's fault? Here I would say the male. The female under no circumstances should pin the blame on ANYone but herself for deciding to lay with a man she most likely knew was a deadbeat. But the male should also try to work it out with the female instead of running from the sound of the word pregnancy. I don't think it's anyone's fault when a child is brought into the world - as long as it's a happy, healthy, and comfortable environment. One without the symptoms of the typical broken family, for the child will learn about the harshness of life later in life.


And also to comment on those who brought up the pill - condoms may sometimes be the only method to prevent pregnancies, etc. I am a prime example - my side effects with the pill/depo shot were so terrible, it was in my best interests to use the condom exclusively. My doc agreed also for the record. And the patch has been linked to blood clots and sometimes death, so I wouldn't recommend that to anyone. And true, anytime someone is having sex no matter the number, 1 is more than enough, condoms should be used. And condoms break too... The only foolproof way is abstinence, and since only a small percentage of the population actually partakes in this, females and males should try to work together to know eachother better before jumping in the sheets. Period.

Answer 3

ultimately it is both of the parents faults though i don't see children as mistakes there are plenty of preventative messures both parents can take to ensure that there is no conception i have children myself and they were born out of wedlock but that doesn't make them any less special than if they had been born if i was married to thier father if the world is so concerned about children born out of wedlock maybe they should start promoting marriage a little harder than what it has been lately divorce, so it seems, is a cool thing to do, how hasn't been divorced i agree with you when you say that it both of the parents qwho should be responsible for caring for a child but then you can **** in one hand and wish and another and see which one fills up faster the way i see no matter how the situation ends up, there should be at least one figure in a childs life that loves, cherishes, and shows them how to become the future leaders of america that is the most important part it's not the childs fault he or she was born out of wedlock or that they where unplanned, they never asked to be born into the situations they were born into the question that should be asked is how can i change the cycle try and instill better values and morals and good habits and behaviors how can we as parents make the future better for our children, how can we make sure that our children don't make the same mistakes that we have without totally alienating them

Answer 4

The responsibility rests evenly with both parties. The ease with which a condom can be purchased means there's no excuse. Plus they're dirt cheap, as opposed to an unplanned pregnancy.

What I have witnessed, however, that I find disturbing, is a woman telling a man she was using birth control pills when she wasn't and then ending out pregnant. I would still argue both the male and female were at fault because he could have easily used a condom. In any case, the woman sees the baby as a way to tie herself to the man. In short, the child is a pawn.

While there are children born to committed, unwed couples, the number of children born to unwed mothers who are not in a secure, long-term relationship is staggering. Clearly this is a societal concern that ought to be addressed. For lawmakers, educators and parents to preach abstinence in the face of such a crisis is insane. It makes more sense to speak to the social and economic issues of the situation. It makes more sense to give young people the information they need and the tools to protect themselves. I have a feeling it's going to be a long time before we get to that point.

Answer 5

it is the "fault" of both. No birth control is 100% so if you have sex you risk pregnancy.
I don't know why being borm OOW matters. It works for many people however many families are now made up of step children etc.
Me and my partner are not married and have a child. My sister was married for nearly 20 years and has told me that she doesn't agree with having children when not married (that I should get married because I am wrong) despite the fact that her husband was shagging around for years and had another baby with one womanand got a prostitute pregant while they were together!
What matters are 2 parents who love their child. I wont have anyone look down on me or my baby because I am not married. At least I will never get divorced!

Answer 6

I believe it is the responsibility of both parents when a child is born out of wedlock. It takes two to tango as the saying goes and I find it irresponsible for men to think that they have less of a responsibility in making a baby.
Men can say No, or wear protection...as can women. We can all make our own choices and just because the women is "left holding the baby" does not make the act of conception any more her "doing"...it's unfortunate though that in so many cases the women is in fact left alone to care for a child that two parents conceived.

Answer 7

Both a man and a woman are responsible for bringing a child into the world. Whether the child is born to a married couple or not is irrelevant. I've known both men and women walk away from marriages where there are children involved.

Answer 8

As I see it, Both are equally responsible because it takes two to hook up. Sure the women can say no and that is where the baby will land, in the mothers lap if she doesn't. But the guy is equally responsible to wear protection if he is going to initiate the process or not hook up at all. This is a case of two people who are just doing something because it feels good. They have no thoughts or regard for the consequences for their behavior. Why is life always name and blame? Be responsible and master your life. Easy to say and hard to do sometimes. Right!
Rev. TomCat

Answer 9

Men are primarily responsible because you often have a situation - particularly prevalent in the Caribbean - where a woman refusing to allow her man to have his pleasure will not be given any housekeeping money. A woman with three or four children needing money to buy food is totally reliant on the whim of the man as to whether or not she gets any money for shopping. There is also the situation whereby if a woman "closes her legs", the man she loves will simply leave her to find some open legs. Men can be extremely selfish when it comes to sex using various threats (no shopping money or desertion) in order to get what he wants. How can anybody say it is women who are responsible? Even some married women are virtually sex slaves to their selfish oafish husbands who have no consideration for the feelings or the dignity of the woman he is married to.

Answer 10

I don't agree with alot of the answers. Yes, it does take two to make a baby, but alot of women are so naive, they fall for all the sweet talk. If a man had any real feelings he would make sure he was wearing a condom. Some women don't seem to realise that it is them who will have to give birth, while the father is having of with another naive girl. If a man was ever to give birth, it would be the end of civilisation!!! This isn't only an ethnic problem, it happens world wide.