If you are separated from your mate is it ok to..?

Question

Is it ok to act like your single, possibly date other people, or just make out with people if you are separated? I am curious what most people would say? I am separated and so confused. Am I supposed to remain chaste and wait for things to get better between my mate and I? Or am I supposed to just do whatever I want, assuming that he is also doing whatever he wants? I just want to see what the general view is. I am going to therapy so no suggestions about that please.

Answer 1

The Question is why are you separated?How are things supposed to get better when your separated? Do you have any idea how long this separation will go on before you both decide things will get better? Maybe you should ask your mate what his intentions are? If he plans on seeing other girls then so should you see other guys and not feel guilty about it. Just be careful that he dosen't lie about it though other wise he will be having his cake and eating it to. Some men will lie about seeing other girls to their spouse just so they know that their spouse will be sitting at home just waiting for things to get better. Do what you feel is best for you and your future!!

Answer 2

It depends on your situation. Are you and your hubby trying to work things out during the separation? If so then your answer would be no, it's not okay to date, etc. If you are not trying to work things out and this is just a prelude to the divorce you would have to decide how you want to look back on this time. Even if your husband is doing whatever he wants is doing the same what you want? I would use this time to rediscover yourself. You are already in therapy which is great but look to other avenues also. Go back to school (it's a great place to make new friends), take an adult enrichment class (often offered by local schools), start going to a local gym or taking a yoga class (this is great for dealing with the stress of what you are going through), garden, spend some quality time with your bff (who you've probably lost touch with during your marriage), reconnect with your family (yeah, I know, they're your family - you marry to escape, lol - but I'm serious. You need your family during times like this), volunteer at the local humane society, church, school, etc. The options are endless and will do a lot to carry you through. The people you meet and connections you make during this time can make all the difference in the world. Don't go into anything with the intent to start dating again - you're probably not ready yet. This is your time - use it wisely.

Answer 3

I have been here too; it is very confusing. You feel separate, but are still legally joined.

If there is any way you are going to reconcile I wouldn't date anyone. If you fooled around and then got back together, it would legally be adultery and could be used against you. It's better in this sitch to be chaste, Love.

But (Like my first marriage :O) if there is no possible way ever in Hell that you would ever EVER EVER EVER recolcile, and you kNOW it's over (which I don't think you are quite there, thankfully) then I would not see much harm in dating.

It's a religious question really, so consider that too if you are religious. Most religions frown on separated couples dating.

Good luck in therapy, I hope all goes well; I hope you BOTH are willing to work things out... Heaven knows a marriage can't be saved by an individual.

Answer 4

I don't really know the answer to this but isn't the point of a separation to see what either of you really want to do in the way of your life together? If so then it stands to reason that that might include a little bit of exploring other options before making a full commitment of divorce. Now if the point of the separation is just to take a break and think than no you shouldn't be with anyone else. I myself don not understand separation it is like saying I don't want to be with you but I might want to again someday. In my book either you do or you don't and if you aren't sure your wasting time.

Answer 5

It really depends on the nature of the separation.
Ultimately you've got to ask yourself if there is a real future with this person or are things just being dragged out to delay the inevitable.
You also have to take into account what the other person is feeling. If they truly are expressing and acting as though they want things to work between the two of you that is much different from them acting aloof or uncaring towards the relationship.
Once you've answered these questions, than the answer to your question becomes much clearer.

Answer 6

I don't think that is would be helpful to your marriage if you started any relationships right now. You are simply seperated, not divorced. Seperation means you are taking a break from each other not from the marriage. You have to lay down the terms because your husband could be confused about it too. If you think that talking, making out or dating is ok then you better make sure that he is on the same page.

Answer 7

I think a lot of people don't care and once there seperated, they do whatever they want. But I think the best thing to do is wait until your divorce is final. Just stay friends with people for now and don't be intimate with them, that can be used against you by a good lawyer.

Answer 8

A separation is NOT a divorce. You are still LEGALLY married and phucking around while you are separated is the same as phucking around when you are together in a marriage. You are STILL cheating on your marriage. Separation is NOT a disillusionment of marriage only a final decree of divorce is and until you have that final decree of divorce signed and stamped by a judge in a court of law you are STILL MARRIED, so act accordingly.

Answer 9

All that stuff in nothing more than paperwork. If you feel you are through with him, then go enjoy your new life. If you have a desire to get back together, then wait till you know what your plans are.
Pay no attention to what he is doing, but if you do find that he is sleeping with someone, make him have an HIV test before being with him again. He will be embarassed, but he earned it.

Answer 10

My friends call me sister Mary...Im officially declared a nun. I think you should wait a little longer, find something else to do except date for a while. Legalities can ruthless should his lawyer finds that you were intimate with another. It's not so bad after a while, trust me.