women --men and NAGGING?

Question

I dont class myself as a nagging wife but after today i do question this.. my story is that as usual a woman has 1 million things to do.Sometimes i would like alittle help to do this. So i ask my husband could you do this to help out please or that to help out. i try and get the kids to do their bit also. and i feel as though im asking all the time . im exausted planning organizing asking sorting and all else that goes with the job of being a mum ,wife ,student no wonder we get classed as being NAGS when we have to ask all the time . I am at the stage where i feel as though im begging for help and dont like to ask im fed up listening to my own voice . ive even made a list for all to see. Then im told im a NAG Why cant hubbys spare a thought for all the jobs we have to and OFFER to do them .I wish he would just take charge of the house and kids one day so i could catch my breath.So its like this if i ask for some support in the house and kids im a NAG cheers DAD

lydia i did make a list. and i do ask nicely

Answer 1

No way are you a nagging wife...Its about time someone showed you some appreciation and helped you out. All those things that you think are your duty are not just yours. Your husband doesn't know he is born bone idle if you ask me!!! Stop making it so easy for them. These lists you make should include a very important job you normally take care of...like if your husband needs his shirts ironing for work put that on the list. Make it easy for him leave the ironing board and iron out. With the children decide what they have to do for you and state that if they can't do the list that you have left them then you wont be able to ...lets say for examle ...take them football training. With every thing they fail to do on the list tell them that you will take something off the list that they expect you to do for them....Have fun and when they just dont do it dont say anything until they expect you to do something for them....and so on.

Answer 2

Are you really nagging or is he just not listening?. You should tell him that there is no I in team. You have a partnership and he isn't holding up his end of the deal. If you allow him to get away with this then it will only get worse

If you ASK him to do something that isn't nagging, its a request for help not an order. If you have to ask repeatedly then he is being an ignoramus and not listening. Also your kids are learning from the way you communicate with eachother and they will pick up his bad habits. Tell him this is not a laughing matter, tell him you wouldnt have to repeat yourself if he listened to you. Make sure he knows how unhappy it's making you, he may be shocked at how bad you feel. If he's not listening that is bad, and will effect all levels of your relationship. Tell him all of this before it becomes a really serious threat to your relationship.

Sit them all down and talk to them, say that you are not the only person living in the house and its about time everybody did their share. Tell them that if they do this then you will have more time to do nice things because jobs will get done quicker. Explain to them that you can't do it all alone and that their behaviour is making you miserable and eventually it may even make you sick. When you organise who will do what make sure they agree to it and have some input into who accepts responsibility for what. Do the list together as a family. This way everybody will be assuming personal responsibility for something that they agree to. It's good for your children to learn to do this. It is negotiation and an important part of healthy relationships. You can teach them that people solve problems with discussion, listening and negotiation, not by ignoring it not listening or simply trampling on other people's feelings.

Organise some chores that the kids can do regularly, and reward them with praise for doing them. Kids usually like being praised and will do as they are told if you praise them for good stuff. They will probably put him to shame.

S
x

Answer 3

Can I suggest you plan a night out with your man where you both agree to leave the worries of home, school, kids and college at home. Enjoy being in one anothers company and share something like a trip to the Park, Restaurant, Cinema, Gym or other area of interest.

Can the kids go to the Grandparents or to friends houses so you can spend some quality time with your husband?

The operative word is SHARE.

Let him know you do not want advice just for him to listen. You can start by being a listener.

When you do something is it with an expectation of something in return? Does your husband do things for you without expectation?

Good and Bad is Shared.

Sometimes we need to learn what sharing is.

You may have to sacrifice some things along with your husband.

If you want your husband to lead then that means you have to listen and obey, and not usurp or undermine his authority. You may not agree with his methods as he may not yours but there is an oportunity for him to explain. Although the time to explain could be the valuable time and the Job would be over and done. It may not make sense to you, it does not have to.

The Valuables of a marriage

Trust
Love
Communication
Time together
(Finance)

Some are not seen as valuable and are discarded frivourously. If they were money investments you would want them to go up in value and give a return. They only way they do that is when you first invest.

Answer 4

(*laughter*) The age old dilemma..Mom doing fifteen things at the same time, and Dad standing there wondering what whirling dervish just smacked him up side the head.

The best advice I can offer you is to stop doing everything for everyone. Or adjust to the fact that, yes, you'll be considered a nag if you ask him to do something, or give him a list. It's not right, but it's reality.

He doesn't do things because he knows YOU will!! If he doesn't have clean clothes, he'll learn to do the laundry. If dinner isn't on the table, he'll learn to cook. You have to let things go so he has the chance to step up. He may not, but IF he does, make sure you give him a big kiss and say "thank you..I think it's so sexy that you care enough about me to do things".

I got tired of "begging" and just did things for myself and my child. If he wanted clean clothes, he had to do his own laundry. The marriage didn't last, but it wasn't going to anyway. I just quit torturing myself by trying to do everything.

Answer 5

Oh, yeah...

So, make a list of what has to be done each day. Monday, Tuesday, etc.:

Get the kids up and ready for school.
Try to feed them some breakfast.
Drop kids off on the way to work.
Pick up _______(whatever) from the grocery store.
Go home, cook dinner.
Set table.
Wash dishes.
Take out trash.
Feed the dog.
Supervise homework. / Do your homework.
Supervise baths. / Take your shower.
Throw in a load of towels/jeans.

Make little columns with each persons name at the top. then check off what everyone is responsible for. Post the list where everyone can see it and then let them know to check the list every day. Then do what you checked off. Act like you just expect them to do what's on the list. When you sit down to dinner, ask, "Son, did you get the list done?" If not, then let him know it has to be done tonight or X consequences are going to happen. Be specific. "then the TV stays off tomorrow." and enforce it.

Establish a routine of dinner, homework, chores, bath and bed. At X hour , the house is settled. You can do a breif review of the list with each child before they go to bed so they can make sure their assignment got done.

If Dad doesn't follow through, just ignore it. You did what you were supposed to do. Eventually the kids go, "Dad, werent' you supposed to dump this yesterday?"

Now whose the nag?

Answer 6

This notion of women still doing everthing round the house and bringing the kids up alone does my head in. Listen love, this day and age most of us men do just as much (if not more) than our wives do, if your fellow isn't pulling his weight, tell him the Dalai Wiseman told him to get off his lazy a rse and pull his finger out. Wouldn't worry about the nagging we get more worried when you don't

Answer 7

Just don't nag, period. Change your approach. Make a list for him. Just ask nicely, once. If it doesn't get done, do it yourself if it's that important. Men just think differently than we do; we need to adapt. Usually with women who do this, it's a control issue - sometimes you need to just let go..... a guy is usually totally happy to help, but may not want to help if he knows you won't like the way he does it anyway...

Answer 8

adult men nag too sweetie!! :) over all whilst one isn't getting something they are desiring and there's a partnership in touch like marriage or perhaps boyfriend lady chum . and one does not pull their weight. are yo ugoing to permit it purely take a seat there are you going to handle it take action? my lover loves activities i frankly admire them yet do in contrast to staring at them on the television. i don't nag him yet i be ya adult men will say something like i do simply by fact i carry it up! so hun, are you going to be staring at soccer all day long? yea - ok will you to a acquaintances abode. or are you able to record that crap tonite i prefer to spend the day with you .. or please emtpy the dishwasher before you watch your video games... if i stated this and that is not performed then possibly you prefer reminding? my substantial different needs me to remind him.. so i wager maximum of you adult men take that as nagging? if not then candy! and keep in mind taking action beeats the sidelines any day acceptable!!!

Answer 9

Nagging is in womens genes but men don't have to like it. Why not try being kind instead of bossy. Roses works better than thorns in making friends. Nagging detroys intimacy..Be kind and patient while still asking for help. You can be forceful w/o nagging.

Answer 10

Don't ask, TELL.
If you have to ask, then no more than 3 times...when you get the third time, make sure you have a heavy blunt object casually swinging in your hand...that should get the message across...

Oh, what do you say to a man with 2 black eyes???
Nothing.
You've already spoken twice...
;-)