He says he is confused and doesnt know what he wants... he is not even sure if he still loves me. He says he has felt this way for a long time but didnt want to hurt us. There is a third party involved - but he says she means nothing. I am so numb that I am not sure what I am feeling.
2007-05-06 00:19:08 · 20 answers · asked by lrlle 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
You need to change the locks on the door, and find a good attorney to protect yourself and the children. This is the time for you to be practical and you can cry and be numb later. Right now, you have to step up and make sure you and the children are taken care of.
It sucks. It's going to suck. But you can't change the fact that he's behaved this way. You can take care of yourself and the kids. That has to be your goal.
2007-05-06 00:26:01 · answer #1 · answered by Kaia 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
They always say that. Like the standard, "It just happened." Why is it , they can just walk out, and leave you behind, with kids, cooking, and everything else ? Once you get past the numb, look at it in a different way. Maybe he did you a favor ! And believe me, there's plenty of people out there that will know what you are going through. If there is a "third party", it's probably not a bed of roses anyway. (Slykchyk is right. Do you want your kids to see a smiling mom, or a mental case mom ? And that's the hardest to do ? Smile through the pain. But, you will !)
2007-05-06 07:45:22 · answer #2 · answered by Scorpius59 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First, I'm so sorry. No one should ever be made to go through that.
Second, maybe if he had been more open with you and discuss his feelings when he started having them, he wouldn't have become so confused. If he doesn't know how to communicate well with someone he loves, then he's not going to be able to have any truly happy relationships.
Third, to say the other party doesn't mean anything is ridiculous. She, specifically, may mean nothing to him, but she means a lot to you. She means infidelity, deception, anger, hurt, betrayal. And to think about it, she does mean something to him. She was a search for something he was missing inside himself, not necessarily in your relationship.
It will take a while, but eventually you will get through this. I wish you and your children peace. Give them lots of hugs and attention to help them get through this too.
2007-05-06 07:27:35 · answer #3 · answered by CenFlMom 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm so sorry that this happened to you and your children. What you have to keep focused on is you and your kids. In my experience, men only want what they can't have. If he fails to take care of you, then its about that time where you need to start taking care of yourself. For anyone, if there is a will, then there's a way. If he truly wanted to work at the relationship and be faithful, there would be no doubt in your mind that that's what he's working towards. Coming to recognize and accept that he is the sum of his actions may be difficult at first. But what may be even harder is making sure your heart follows. Be prepared to make some extremely hard decisions, but I promise you that if you stay focused on what's good for you and your kids, you can't go wrong.
2007-05-06 07:46:00 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Could your husband get any lower? That's awful, feel so bad for you. Men are arrogant, selfish pigs when they think they can promise a woman a life together, get you to carry their children and then claim 'I'm confused'! Right now, all you can do is take some time to wrap your head around all of this. Be with your kids, and maybe even make some plans, like what you might have to do if your husband decides he's done with this marriage. In my opinion, he shouldn't get to decide, you should decide for him: DON'T COME BACK.
2007-05-06 07:27:05 · answer #5 · answered by ayse e 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
All is not lost its early days yet he may take this time to come to his senses and realise after all that what he wants is to be with you and his children. However, he has got some serious making up to you to do, about walking out and about third party. You call the shots if you still want him that is you may also wake up and smell the coffee and find that actually you dont want him back!
2007-05-06 07:49:50 · answer #6 · answered by Magster 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I can't imagine what you are dealing with. Do you still love him? Do you think that there is a chance for reconciliation? My husband dropped the bomb that he is extremely unhappy and while we have been trying to work through it I too have been competing with third parties "that don't mean anything" and it doesn't change how I feel about him or them. This is going to be one the hardest things you could deal with...the loss of love and a marriage. Has he said how he wants to deal with this...permanent seperation or counseling or anything to try and fix what has happened. He is being selfish and he probably will, with or without this third party. He owed it to you to talk to you sooner and so you can't blame yourself for that. In hindsight, I know I could have changed things for the me but I was dealing with similar emotions and it makes it really hard to focus on the big picture of making a marriage work...it actually is WORK. Right now he is just taking the easy way out, by just leaving and you have to accept that right now even though you are feeling awful. You need to be good for your children right now, it is not going to be easy, but your children are your focus. If you can talk to your husband find out what he is thinking about doing so that you can prepare yourself for whatever battle while be fought. I don't mean yelling and arguing, but a certain amount of preparation on your part could really help you to cope with whatever future you have. I'm so sorry but I know how you feel...even though my husband is here, he isn't totally here. I don't know what is worse, wondering what he is doing or having to accept what he is doing right in front of my face. I wish you luck. and if you think you might want someone to talk with you can email me. Please don't work through this alone...you need all th help you can get.
2007-05-06 07:41:32 · answer #7 · answered by superwmn315 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
What is the age of your children? I know its not easy to advise some body in a situation like this. But still i think the only thing you can do is to start consentrating your children's life. They are Innocent &they should not suffer for the breakup of there parents. IN worst case apply for a Divorse so that you will get suffisient money from your Ex-husband to keep going on your childrens future.
2007-05-06 07:30:41 · answer #8 · answered by Bablu 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Check this out:
Why has my husband come back??? Men, please help!!?
He left me after 7 years of marriage, said he did not love me, would not go to counseling, then came home in 6 weeks!! NOW... he is here, still won't go to counseling, won't sleep with me (literally and figuratively) and says he wants to work on it. What is going on?? What do I do? Does he love me? From Yahoo Answers, Questions.
Apparently, dear, men do this. So my best advice is to keep on doing what you do and ignore the behavior for now. If you are worried about finances, go file for child support. You can go to Family court, you don't need a lawyer, and you don't have to be divorced, and actually he doesn't have to be out of the home. So should he decide to return, you still get child support. Ok?
See if you qualify for a housing subsidy, or daycare subsidy, or WIC, if you need it.
Do things that will make it possible for you to financially survive maintaining where you are.
Ignore him. Don't let him discuss divorce, a legal separation, anything. Give him, say, 6 weeks (see paragraph above). Remember that men can be quite stupid, and yours seems to be having an albino moment.
Don't put yourself in a position where you fuel the fire. Keep your options open for now. So, this means speaking with respect and tolerance should you have a minimal conversation with him. Treat him as if he was your roommate who moved out. Objectively.
You can tell him now is not the time to discuss the future of your relationship. You just need to recover and get things at home on an even keel, and that's enough of his mess to deal with for now.
Chill, allow interaction with the kids, look nice if you are going to run into him, and keep conversation to just a polite, "Hello." and "Good bye."
If he's still "confused" in a couple of months, then you call the shots on how this is going to go.
2007-05-06 08:33:23 · answer #9 · answered by Puresnow 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Welcome to the club, sister!
Believe it or not, you will get over this. It will hurt like hell for a very long time, then one day you will wake up realizing that you do not miss him quite as much.
Keep yourself busy and do not let your children see you sad. Carry on as if it is life as usual. If you go into panic mode, they will too.
Take this as an opportunity to do all those things that you have always wanted to do. This will give you a sense of continued satisfaction and remind you that life is worth living.
2007-05-06 07:50:01 · answer #10 · answered by LovablyMe 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋