We've been together 15 years, most of them rough. I'm unclear why, but my husband had a falling out with his family 8 years ago, they blame me and say that they won't speak to him until we are divorced. He's been tough to live with since, he flies into rages, will not communicate with or plan anything with me. He's a good man and a good father but this conflict has made him so angry that he cannot love me.
We have separate bedrooms. I run the household, clean and fix the meals but spend the evenings/weekends and holidays alone in my room in order to avoid the fighting. It's become so weird; he refers to himself as my ex-husband, wants me to change my last name, and even told me that I could see other people but he will not consider a divorce under any circumstances.
I have distracted myself with hobbies, school, our kids, and volunteering in order to keep busy. The loneliness is really starting to get to me. What do other people do to cope in bad marriages?
2007-05-05 19:57:53 · 17 answers · asked by Sheila 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
The first night you agree to sleep in different bedrooms, the marriage is dead. Cut your losses and move on. You deserve to be happy and vibrant, not a prisoner in your own bedroom. Start a new and happier life as soon as possible. You will be glad you did!
2007-05-05 20:43:12 · answer #1 · answered by Bob 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You didn't say what caused his family to all be against you and your marriage? He must feel that they are right about the way they are treating you. He has shut you out of his life the same way they all have but is still in body only. What ever happened is in the past and life goes on. Evidently none of you could come to some kind of understanding to resolve the problem. The only choice you have is to leave the marriage. Noone can make you stay married to him if you really want to get out of the relationship. What you have now is nothing with this man and you are settling for an empty and lonely life without meaning. No one could live this way unless their self esteem was so damaged that they were scared to death of having something better. Well, it could not get any worse than if you just gave up on life and died! You are in a marriage that is a walk away from a living death. You need to get counseling for yourself to get the strenght and the courage to walk out of this mans life and the family thats connected to him! This is no good and no good will come from you staying in an emotionally abusive relationship. There is a world out there full of people that could help you and support you to have a better life. There is nothing in the world you could have ever caused or done to these people to outcast you to the point of not treating you like a human. Please go and talk to somebody to understand that your world like this isn't right. I wish you luck sweetie.
2007-05-05 20:28:43 · answer #2 · answered by Lindsey 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
You are not avoiding the fighting you're avoiding LIFE! You only get 1 chance in this life why would you spend it living the way HE has decided to live. You don't have enough time to live with ANGER DESPAIR DEPRESSION NEGATIVITY!! There is light outside! Just go to your window and look outside, that's where the rest of us live! I used to live in your world but not anymore! i left behind a man who was very much like your guy I was very young and had 5 children when I left and my life is ever so much better because NOW I'M LIVING MY LIFE. YOU NEED TO DO THE SAME!
2007-05-07 17:44:24 · answer #3 · answered by Starfire 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He can say no divorce all he wants but in the long run he can't stop it. Get yourself a divorce and find yourself some happiness. Why tie yourself down with this weird man? Find a good lawyer, get a good job, find a new place to live and start living your life. Good Luck.
2007-05-05 20:08:52 · answer #4 · answered by maigen_obx 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
The man is waiting for you to divorce him, because he doesn't have the courage to divorce you. What appears to be anger is actually pain, which he has been in for quite some time. If you know in your heart that you were instrumental in causing a breach between him and his parents, you need to beg his pardon and help him mend these fences. If, on the other hand, you had nothing to do with their separation, you're dealing with a man who doesn't have the courage to stand up to his parents as well, and you will find no happiness with him. You need to be honest about what has happened and deal with it accordingly.
2007-05-05 20:31:40 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would date you :) I think you should try opening up more.. My ex was also secretive and shy and reserved it made me CRAZY!! Not in a good way either... work on your communication skills try letting your feelings out no matter how emberassed or dumb you think you might sound women always appreciate honesty even in the most random places. Wear cologne too, for some reason when i see an average looking guy i think bleh but when he pass's by and I smell cologne it automatically grabs my atention.
2016-04-01 10:27:01 · answer #6 · answered by Michelle 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Oh dear, dont worry about how other people cope. Other people have different circumstances and history.
These are the things most women put up with losing their integrity and confidence from an unsupportive marriage.
Both of you definitely need help. Have you tried : http://www.marriagemax.com very interesting alternative
Try to send this to your husband via email too. Maybe he might read and be open about it.
2007-05-05 20:07:22 · answer #7 · answered by laleelo 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Divorce him and move on. He does not seem to appreciate and love you at all. Don't be afraid of leaving him. Just make sure both of you make arrangement to give your children the attention they need. You'll find a better person who'll love and cherish you. Good Luck!
2007-05-05 20:08:41 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Other people get out of the situation. You don't have to live your life that way. I think you should do yourself a favor and file for a divorce. You do not need his permission or consent to divorce him.
2007-05-05 20:59:05 · answer #9 · answered by treasuredwife69 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Jesus is the only hope you have.My marriage has been really hard but I know that everything will work out for my good because that's what Jesus says in the bible.Ask Him to come live in your heart and He will take care of the rest.
2007-05-05 20:09:58 · answer #10 · answered by Kay H 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋