what can you do if youve had a traumatic life, and some people say to you,'' the damage has been done'' this

Question

makes me really angry, to think people have done the damage to me, plus it annoys me when people choose them set of words to you, like trying to rub it in, that people have done irreversable damage to you. and your lifes over
its like their trying to wind me up by sayin it...
is it normal to feel like i wanna hit back at people after enduring alot of pain and trauma at the hands of other people throughout my life?

Answer 1

it sounds like they are trying to cover up what they did to you by telling you you're "damaged" and there for, not fixable. This is a lie they're telling you. the fact that you are angry at them is a good first step toward healing your wounds and if they are saying those words to you they are not worth talking to. It takes hard work and a lot of self-honesty to reverse the damage of abuse but you sound like a survivor and I believe you can do it. Good luck and god bless you.

Answer 2

You can never undo the past, never really recover and trully never be able to gorgive until you can feel some form of justice has been done. I do not believe all the psyco bable people tell others who have endured such pain and suffering by others. The only thing you should watch out for is that you do not turn around and do the same to other innocent people. Get even leggaly if that applies, write about it, expose the ones who have done this to you. That is the only way you will ever feel whole again or feel a sense of dignity.

Answer 3

It is so sad that whoever said this to you cannot even recognize your pain and your need for resolution. If they can't say something intelligent like "I'm here for you" or just sit with you in silence while you work things out for yourself ...in whatever way you can...then they shouldn't say anything at all! Sometimes people just skip the thought process and let their mouths run wild. How utterly irresponsible!

It is important for you to realize that no emotional damage, no matter how traumatic, is irreversible. Yes, it is normal to feel the way you do, but in doing so, you are draining your own life blood and feeding it to a monster within. I would urge you to seek out people who "get" you. With gentle kindness, caring and compassion, you can and will learn to deal with the anger in a positive manner and start to live life as it was intended. The world is so full of beauty and wonder but you can't see it as long as you have that dark cloud hanging over you.

I am in no way suggesting that you can or ever will forgive those who abused you in the past, but you must let go of the anger for the benefit of your own future. I hope you think about what I said. Best of luck to you.

Answer 4

Seriously, I freaking HATE when people say that. Oh, and what pisses me off even more is when people say, "everything happens for a reason." Well, no. I often wonder why this would happen, and for what reason. To make my life even more of a living hell? To make my life even more unbearable? Point blank, the damage has been done, but if people haven't gone through what you're going through they're going to be less sympathetic. The only thing they can think of to say is that. It's pretty much the universal way of saying, "damn that sucks, I'm glad I don't have your life." I've had that said to me SO many times, it makes me want to vomit.
It's VERY normal to feel like you want to hit that person, perhaps even kill them after they say that. Seriously lol. It's crazy but man I know what you mean. Really there isn't anything you can do. Just smile sadly and say, "I know." Or you could hit them. But I think hitting them would make them think your life or you are even more fuc ked up than they thought. :)

Answer 5

Of Course it is normal to want to hit back at people. The thing to do now is to show all these people that keep saying "the damage is done" that what was done to you did not cause your life to end, but rather made you a stronger better person as a result. Find your niche in life and prove to them that you may have had a hard life, but life is not over, for you, it is only just begun.

Answer 6

My Foster children have had traumatic pasts and I tell them the past is just that, the past. And yes, the damage is done, but that their lives are now heading in the right directions. Whatever they want their lives to be the possibilities are endless! They were as low as they could be and there is nowhere to go but UP. My Son has actually stopped hitting back!

Answer 7

Ya, I think that's normal to feel that way. I think what they're really trying to say is that they have no clue how to help. Maybe they dont think you're open to receiving help from them.
You need to focus on hitting back at life instead. It feels good to say "I went through ALLLL this crap and look at me, I'm doing ok for myself." The pain is gonna be there for a loooong time, but do what you gotta do to take care of yourself... get a good job, do right by your friends, your family and yourself. Try not to keep any habits that are common for whatever you went thru.....example, if you were molested, dont go from guy to guy to guy and dont sleep with every boyfriend you have. Be single until you find someone who is truly worth your effort.
Your life is not over. Fight to have the kind of life you deserve. Fight because you refuse to be refered to as 'damaged'.

Answer 8

My wife and I both have had traumatic lives before we met.
She wouldn't hit back. I put my past in the past. I know I'm not what I would have been had I not gone through it.
And , yes, Every now and then some morron really is asking for something he would regret if he pushed too far, and now and in a long time ,,,someone does push that wrong button.
They'll think twice the next time.
But the one thing I have discovered in my wife and in me,,,,
We are stronger by a hell of a lot, if we hadn't gone through it.
As long as I control myself the way she does so darn well,,,,
I'm going to be just fine.
Turn your past into a strength,,,,,,You'll be amazed of the people you can help,,,and that includes ,,,,YOU!

Answer 9

Sure, it is. But would it do any good? They wouldn't learn anything, you'd get into trouble, and the pain would still be there.
I don't think they're trying to rub it in or wind you up. They're probably trying to tell you to get over it. And yes, that's just about as bad but they don't know what else to say.
Are you in therapy? It might be very good for you. It doesn't make much sense to talk to lay people about the problems you've had in your life when there are trained professionals out there who know how to help you cope with them.

Answer 10

People can't help commenting on you. If you want to heal from such traumatic life. What happened is the past. What's important is the future. It's up to you because you're handling your life. It's not them so just ignore. Remember,

Hope is everywhere
Even in dark paths,
As long as you live
Learn to feel it.

I made this quote.