How can i stop her from wrecking her life!?

Question

My daughter is 15 going on 16 and is out of control! i just found out she sneaks out almost every weekend to go get drunk and high with her friends. the other day i was cleaning her room and found condoms and a homemade bong made from a powerade bottle! also alchohol has been randomly missing from the house. you can constantly smell the pot on her hair clothes and breath also she is obviously stoned most of the time. im scared that if i talk to her and tell her to stop this i'll lose her. i tell myself its just a phase and she'll get over it but im scared for her safety. out of her group of friends (about 20 people) there is maybe 7 girls one of her closest friends has even been to juvy! i told her not to talk to him after that but she just disobeys me its really upsetting why cant she just be a normal teenager like my friends daughters? they all get good grades and their idea of fun is playing netball not getting drunk and stoned and having sex like my daughter! help me

Answer 1

You really have to talk to your daughter, you may damage your relationship.. But if these things continue, you might lose her for good. I'm a 17 yr old girl, and i've been there.. and without my mom's guidance and courage to stop me, I may have been pregnant or worse dead by now. Sure, i hated her, but i realize what my life could have turned out without her stopping me.

Have courage and be a REAL MOM for your daughter's sake. You have to be serious in getting her out of the bad lane. Give her strong punishments, my mom locked my room and windows to make sure i won;t sneak out, maybe you can do that too.. And take away her phones or any line of communication from her..

I know it's really hard for you doing this, but i think it will be harder if you totally lose her..

I hope for your daughter's change.. God Bless You!!

Answer 2

really there are more like your daughter than you think. She is 15. You still have a little time to get her straight. Just talk to her and be willing to listen to what she has to say with out getting upset and angry. Then maybe the two of you could understand each other better. You can still make her stay at home and not allow her to be with certain people. You just have to be more strict on her and tell her to change or she'll end up in juvy like her friends. Also where I live you have the right to sent your child to like boot camp. Maybe that could help her open her eyes. I know that sound horrible but if she doesn't change then she may be there anyway!

Answer 3

I have Multiple Sclerosis, I discovered while I was once 18 and I'm 29 now. I understand my incapacity and ailment is exceptional than your and I did not have got to manage it in High School however optimistically I can support a bit of bit. Some of the predicament you may have, feeling on my own and exceptional and depressed are shared by way of so much if no longer all High School pupils. You'd be amazed how the various "ordinary" individuals believe one of the vital equal matters you do. High School is an excessively difficult time nevertheless it handiest lasts a couple of years. You can get by way of it and someday you'll be able to appear again and it will not do any harm or hassle you. Maybe speakme to different individuals each your age and older in a organization for Cerebral Palsy could support, if there don't seem to be any for your discipline I'm definite there a a few on-line. Talking to anybody approximately what you're going by way of who's both going by way of it too or has been by way of can support plenty! Hang in there and first-class of good fortune.

Answer 4

Well, this is really really sad. I work with troubled kids like yours Linda and here is what you are going to have to do.
1. Take control. YOU ARE THE ADULT HERE SHE IS THE MINOR. YOU MIGHT LOSE HER "LIKING YOU" RIGHT NOW, BUT SHE WILL LOVE YOU IF YOU SAVE HER.

2. SHE IS A MINOR SO YOU STILL HAVE TIME TO TAKE ACTION. You have to be the parent and put your foot down and demand change. Also, try to run off the friends, they are a huge problem in cases like this. As far as the sex part, no offense, but at least she is using protection-we hope. I know many times kids don't for whatever reason.

3. Telling yourself it is a phase WILL NOT MAKE IT GO AWAY. SHE ISN'T GOING TO BE ABLE TO GROW OUT OF THE PROBLEMS/TROUBLE SHE COULD GET INTO. For example, my sis did this when she was this young and has just got her life completely together and she is 30. Think about that. You HAVE TO STEP UP AND TAKE ACTION SITTING BACK AND LETTING IT GO WON'T MAKE IT GO AWAY.

4. Try to re-establish a relationship with her, if nothing else slowly but surely. I am dounthing she goes to school, too. Most of these kids don't go and/or don't do well when they are there. Getting her back in school and involved in positive stuff will help some. Another thing is, YOU NEED TO HAVE THAT SERIOUS TALK THAT YOU SOMETIMES HAVE TO HAVE. TELL HER SHE IS KILLING HERSELF AND KILLING YOU AT THE SAME TIME WATCHING HER DO THIS. LET HER KNOW YOU CARE. LISTEN. TRY TO FIND SOME OF THE ROOT OF THIS IF NOTHING ELSE. TELL HER OF HOW THINGS WILL GO IF SHE KEEPS UP. I think getting her in "Scared Straight" might do some good since she isn't in the system yet from what you have said. Once they go to juvy, the whole scared straight thing is worthless. But for her, hearing from other girls who (can and may be close to her age--late teens--) might get through to her and/or scare the hell out of her.

5. Pray and try to bring good influences around her, not blaming yourself, but maybe try to find those in the family who she does admire and have them try to get through. Just don't give up.

Answer 5

That is hard my daughter was doing the same. We moved and it has gotten better but that isn't an option for most people. From my experience you need to talk to her but not to tell her what to do and what is right and wrong she knows that, but to let her know that you are there. She doesn't need to run to her friends and hide/numb her feelings with drugs and alcohol. However, the subject has to be approached smoothly. I myself OD'd when i was 15 ended up pregnant at 16 And my mother was a drug and alcohol abuse counselor and Social worker. You have to know that it is not your fault and the more you push the more she will pull. If you can get her to go to counseling that may help. What has seemed to work the best with my daughter now is to occupy her time with any and every available thing church, school, any youth programs or activity's where she is in a semi supervised environment and still allowed to be social. don't just let it go she may start to think you don't care. Let her know you care and you worry. If it is hard for you to talk about it, write her a letter and leave it where she will find it when you are not home. That way it can all sink in and there is no big blow up. I hope this helps??

Answer 6

Stop posting and go talk to this girl. Forget about your friends kids. Your friends probably aren't afraid of laying down the law and also being open to talking with thier kids.

Also...alcohol missing from the house. Time you remove ALL alcohol from the house since you haven't locked it up.

My sister had to take her child out of public school and find a way to pay for private school when my niece got in trouble for running away.

You have already lost her by letting her get away with this. The only way you can get your daughter back is to do your job...be a parent.

Answer 7

I'm so sorry, I'm sure you're at your wits ends. My step-sister was like that as a teenager, she ended up in rehab 3 months after she turned 21 (and has really turned her life around is just finishing up her second year of law school). I minored in chemical addictions counseling and I fell like you really need to have an intervention. Get a professional to help you (contact a drug and alcohol counselor in your town). Also, take her to a gynecologist for a thorough exam--maybe that will help knock some sense into her. Get rid of all the alcohol in your house to help create the most positive environment for her. Get counseling for the whole family. Just do whatever you have to do to help her.

Answer 8

YOU CAN NOT BE HER FRIEND AT THIS POINT! You have already lost your daughter to drugs, alcohol, and sex. You are not supposed to be her friend, you are supposed to be her mother. You need to be raising her to be a responsible adult. That means guiding her and teaching her to do the right thing. YOU need to be the one in control. PLEASE, don't be that kind of mom that screws up her daughters life by not paying attention, and ignoring things when they go wrong. PAY ATTENTION AND GET HER HELP! I can't stress enough how important it is to be involved and know what is happening with your kids.

Also, remember, your daughter is not the same at your friends' daughters. It's the parents' influence that shapes what kids grow up to be.

I'm 15. I go to a high school where I'm surrounded by kids who are just like your daughter and her friends. They have gotten pregnant, gotten expelled for drug and alcohol use, and things I don't even want to know about. One girl I used to go to elementary school with has recently had to drop out of high school at 15 because she was too pregnant to come to school anymore. Another girl from my elementary school was expelled last year because she managed to get drunk at a school dance and fell off the stage. She's back from rehab and looks terrible. I constantly hear kids discussing their plans for the weekend; whose house they're going to get high at and whose weed they're going to smoke. One guy was complaining that his parents were going to drug test them the day after 4/20 (Pot Day). I think that's a good parent. I am personally asking you, please, take some kind of action, however drastic, and save your daughter.

Answer 9

there is no such thing as a normal teenager your friends daughters may just be better at hiding it than your daughter is and as far as talking to her you can talk but you really have to talk dont yell and dont tell her what you dont want her to do tell her how you feel about it and listen to what she has to say but youhave to actually hear what she says you have to take it in because as parents we have a tendency to listen and not hear a word our children say becaus ewe always want to be right you have to talk to her and find out why she decided to do the things she is doing there may be something going on that she really needs to talk about and she just feels like you are not there for her to talk to you have to open your door of communication try to do things with her so that she wont feel the need to sneak out and sometimes you should run interference so she wont go and more questions email me

Answer 10

You say you are afraid you are going to lose her if you confront her. Look at it this way, you WILL lose her if you DON'T confront her. Whether she admits it or not, she wants and needs her mom. She wants and needs boundaries & concequenses. Be her mom, do the tough love thing if you have to. Confront her, you will regret it, if something happens and you never said a word.