Its been 2 yrs and it aint gettin any better.
2007-05-05 17:08:18 · 27 answers · asked by standman 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Cheating's bad, but it doesn't end marriages. Marriages end because they're not working, for a variety of reasons. What cheating can do is force people to look at their marriage--then, if you can fix the things that aren't working, the two of you can actually come out stronger.
If you've been together for 20+ years, that's a big deal. You didn't stay together for no reason when most other couples were getting divorced. Don't give up on those 20 years without a fight. Get marriage counseling--that will help you two communicate and work out the kinks in your relationship. Everyone has weak moments--staying for the long haul, that's what counts. Let her (or him, sorry, I don't know if you're a guy or a girl) know that you love her and will always be there--that you're committed to the marriage. Listen to her for at least 10 minutes every day, without saying anything. There's nothing bigger than really listening to someone.
Good luck!
2007-05-05 17:18:00 · answer #1 · answered by kacey 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you are not getting along then maybe you should consider splitting. But you should sit down and talk about what is wrong with the marriage first. If you have been hiding the fact that you cheated and it is not getting any better because of the quilt you feel then be open with your spouse and the two of you can decide what you want to do about it. If he or she knows about the cheating and there is trust issues then maybe you should see a marriage counselor or split. No matter what you two need to communicate on this matter before taking the next step.
2007-05-06 00:22:05 · answer #2 · answered by susie 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It really all depends on why you cheated. Why are you staying? those are the real questions you need to ask yourself. Did you cheat because you really wanted the easy way out thinking she would leave you when she found out? Did you stay out of guilt and a sense of obligation? You say you can "never" make it up. It sounds like you have already made up your mind. My advice is no matter what you do. Have some dignity and give your spouse theirs by leaving before you start a new relationship.
2007-05-06 00:13:50 · answer #3 · answered by Shoshanna B 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If your spouse can forgive you and you feel that you cheated for a reason other than the love is gone. The world today allows us to cheat for so many reason and gives us the false feeling that we can justify it. There is no justification for hurting another person. If you feel like you will do it again or that the relationship is not worth saving. You should then go to your spouse and explain your feelings in a kind way and move out and wait for them to adjust a little before moving on. You will respect yourself more and it will be easier on the one left behind that was faithful and gave you so many years.
2007-05-06 00:16:00 · answer #4 · answered by Sherrie C 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Don't stay out of guilt. If this isn't the right person for you, sometimes it time to call it quits. I would try and make it work, but if it isn't getting any better, do both of you a favor and end it. There is no use waisting years of your life on a empty relationship.
2007-05-06 00:11:19 · answer #5 · answered by bluechick 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Then leave your spouse alone! You've tortured him/her enough. Cheating is never okay. You owe it to him/her to let them move on with their lives.
Have a serious talk with your spouse and find out what he/she wants. If they want to continue the marriage, go get some counselling to get your issues dealt with once and for all. You either continue from scratch, or walk away from each other, but don't continue this way.
2007-05-06 00:21:43 · answer #6 · answered by Shannon H 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
why would you throw 20 years away? It takes a bigger person to be faithful than unfaithful, anyone can cheat.
You can still work thru this, you married this person for a reason, you have been together 20 years for many reasons, remember those reasons.
You can still fix it, don't give up.
2007-05-06 00:12:16 · answer #7 · answered by fatima_mst 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
My dad left for a while, but came back.. he left i guess cause it was hard at first, but with time and patience and all, my parents worked it out and have been back together for like 3 years now.
Don't know your situation exactly, but I do know they've gotten much better with time and forgiveness. And you have to realize she's gonna be mad and hurt for a while.. try not to hold it against her, till she gets it out of her system.
2007-05-06 00:12:18 · answer #8 · answered by Katy B 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You stay if you want to stay with your person. You will nevermake it up and you will have to live through that mistake. Your question tell me that you are not willing to work on the realtionship. Maybe maybe not ??? Figure that out first.
2007-05-06 00:23:06 · answer #9 · answered by Marisse R 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
In my opinion, it really depends on if your spouse wants you to stay or not...If it hasn't gotten any better, maybe you should have a "heart to heart" about what needs to happen, one way or the other...
No reason for both of you to be unhappy...
2007-05-06 00:11:49 · answer #10 · answered by TT143 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋