I love my husband very much and know that he is in love with me. He tells me every day how beautiful I am. I was having a big problem with getting help from him financially and found myself paying all of the bills. He has medical problems that affect his ability to work a strenuous job. I finally told him to help or leave. That he needed to get his %*$& straight and figure out his priorities. This is both of our 2nd marriages. I don't want to give up on someone that I know loves me. He had withdrawn and become unavailable to me. He says he's insecure and is scared of losing me. SO PULL AWAY? Does this make sense at all? Well since threatening to end things, he's improved. Yesterday he gave me $100 towards bills and the day before he gave me money also. Was it right to pull the b**** card??? Is he going to continue to improve or is this just temporary. I usually see these things coming a mile away, but this time I'm blinded.
2007-05-05 16:09:48 · 7 answers · asked by pcchocoholic 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
This was 2 days, I'm no longer angry, our relationship has been great in the last couple of days, he's trying much harder and being there for me. Plus helping me $$ wise. This, by the way, is not the first time we had this conversation. I tried doing it nicely and he let it in one ear and out the other. Plus we've only been married 2 months. Hope this helps the answers some.
2007-05-05 16:20:30 · update #1
He is insecure. Us men cannot admit we "cannot" accomplish something. It's too difficult for us to do so unless we are up against a challenge of losing something important, like our wife. If you want him to come around, let him know how you feel. I don't mean only about the bills, but have you actually, in detail, explained how you feel about the situation? Your best bet would be to clarify the dilemma before it does escalate to a separation of some sort. Be open, but gently, be honest, but do your best not to hurt him (emotionally). Settle this the right way and you both will win.
2007-05-05 16:25:00 · answer #1 · answered by ICYCUBE 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First of all, calm down. You are far too angry to be making any decisions right or wrong here. I understand that you love each other. I understand that he is limited in his ability to bring income to the household. It seems to me that he is trying.
Sit down with him WHEN YOU'RE CALM and remind him that you do love him. Obviously, he is capable of pulling some kind of an income, so write out what you make and what he makes. Make a list of all the bills and how much they are per month. Then, based on percentage, figure out which bills he's responsible for and which you're responsible for. Help each other. He needs to help you financially, but you need to be calmer about this before anything can be rationally worked out.
Pulling away might be his way of showing his insecurities. That's why you'll need to remind him that you love him too, but this is something that really needs to be addressed. Tell him you don't want him to pull away, but need to discuss options and ask him his opinion on how he thinks he can contribute.
Good luck
2007-05-05 23:16:52 · answer #2 · answered by Shannon H 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You said you are married only 2 months. I'm sure you were aware of your situation prior to marriage, were you not? So why the ultimatum? Problems can only be resloved when the problem is layed out on the table. "It's called communication" that is what I tell my husband all the time. If there is a problem, the problem needs to be addressed, discussed and resolved. Otherwise how can you work it out? Ultimatums are not even in the vocabulary of marriages, that is, it should not be. Problems should be worked out, not swept under the rug! Build a strong foundation in your marriage - not a weak one with threats! God Bless you both in you new life together.
2007-05-05 23:41:57 · answer #3 · answered by JAXXIE 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Absolutely not. You don't threaten people to get what you want. That is awful. No wonder he's pulling away, who wouldn't. You need to apologize to him ASAP and let him know that ultimatums are not acceptable behavior between two people that love each other. Good will, comprimise are what make a relationship.
2007-05-05 23:17:13 · answer #4 · answered by prouddaddy 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Your primary goal in life will be to put the wishes of others before your own. You’ll learn that true love is all about sacrifice and selfishness will be a thing of the past.
2007-05-05 23:36:36 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Have you ever heard of the person who was so terrified of burning alive that they ran back in the burning building??? Yes sometimes people do the exact thing they are so terrified with, and maybe he doesn't even realise that he is doing it.
2007-05-05 23:14:35 · answer #6 · answered by MARE 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like it worked. You received $$$.
2007-05-05 23:14:09 · answer #7 · answered by iyamacog 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋