What i should do? Im confused, and sad... please someone help me.?

Question

my husband is addicted to porn. he does sex talks to girls online while im sleeping. I found him chatting dirty to a filipino girl while i was sleeping next to where the computer was and i totally faked my sleep and found him talking about oral sex and taking her to bed in a fantasy. Is it a warning sign? He also fakes his identity on the messangers, looks at naked girls' pics and views live webcams. I dont think he finds me attractive enough for him. Our sex life is also not spiced up; he rather prefers to look at the porn and naked girls than caressing, cuddling and loving me. When i ask him that why he is doing this, he replies by saying" im stressed out and i simply feel pleasure to watch porn and in a way it deals with my stress". However, i dont think its a valid reason for him to defend his nasty actions. Im pretty sure he doesnt date girls in real life because he mostly spends his day at home watching porn. i dont know what to do anymore. Im confused. what i should do? any sugg

Answer 1

I would be stressed also, this is improper of him and he has to make up his mind which he wants you or the fake life on the net. It has to make you feel terrible and I would speak to him and let him know how I feel. Something has to be wrong in his thinking to continue a life like his. He needs to grow up and be a real husband. if not you have some soul searching to do.

Answer 2

1st of all, this has nothing to do with you. You have no control over his actions, and you could get as sexy as possible and it won't change. I lived with a sex addict for 15 years before I realized how bad it was...he had the addictions long before we met. That is why it's not about you.

You don't need couples therapy. HE needs therapy. YOU need to decide whether or not you want to put up with this anymore. It doesn't stop easily.

I urge you to find out more about sexual addiction. You can google it and find a bazillion websites that offer insights, some good, some bad.

Then you need to protect yourself. You need to change all the accounts into your name, make sure that all your legal papers are neat and tidy, and then decide if you need an attorney. I left after a long tortured decision. The decision for me was made after I found porn and actually caught him in the act(MB was his mode). He had tried to make a move on 3 minor girls, one of which was a family member. After I put all the pieces together it painted a very ugly pic. To this day he denies any problem or sexual addiction, but someday it will be more than he can handle.

GL. I hope you also let God help you with your decisions.

Answer 3

OK I'm sorry you are going through this. He is in the wrong here. There is nothing wrong with you. He has all kinds of excuses for what hes doing. hes cheating on you talking dirty to other girls. come on don't just sit there and take what hes doing. do something about it. you deserve to be treated with dignity and respect. he is degrading you and women also. don't put up with this he has a problem he needs help. if he doesn't get help tell him to keep the porn because you are moving on to a real man that doesn't have to loOK at fake women. don't believe people when they say this is normal and what guys do. porn is a fantasy these women don't require anything of him. its disgusting and degrading. personally his *** would be out. no man should get away disrespecting his wife or girlfriend like that. absolutely not ok. you deserve a lot better. hes a loser you cheats with a computer? get rid of him. that's what i would do. lay the law down to him tell him how it is if you doesn't do what you require then you walk its that simple. don't settle any longer. good luck i really hope things work out for you.

Answer 4

It is toough to go through what you are going through. I know what you are going thorugh and how hurtful that must feel. Your husband is caught in a trap of sin and it has nothing to do with him liking or disliking you. So first of all do not blame yourself. I can tell that he does this like a person who is on drugs, to get a high and drift off into a fatansy world and he probably feels like he is not hurting anything because he has not done anything physically but he is. It may eventually lead to something else if he does not stop. If he is the kind of person that will allow youto have a heart to heart talk about the problem, I would really sit him down and let him know that it is not right to flirt, look at, and be involved in other women. You need to let him know that the more he is entrapped by on line sex, pornogrophy the more it is going to hurt your marraige. How can he be romantic with you if he is envolved emotional and feels satisfiedwith something else. Ask him to go to counseling, to pray with you that he can leave this pornogrophy addiction behind, and suggest ways that you and him can create passion together. Most men will not go to counseling but ask anyway and see I do not know oyur husband. One thing you can do is be the woman he is attracted to, go down on him, get a book or search the web on how to satisfy a man in bed, wear some sexy night clothes, plan a romantinc evening for the two of you, dinner-lingere-strip for him/tease him, give him oral sex. The romancing is a temporary situation, eventually he needs to come tog rip with the fact that pornogrophy is a trick to tear up marraige and leads to other things eventually. Your husband loves you I am sure he just has a problem and is engulfed in sin of pornogrophy. Pray forhim, your marraige, and always look your best doing things that make you attractive. Show him how much you want to please him, men love oral sex so just suprise him and go down on him when he least expects. When you have his attention turned back to you, sit andtalk the next day over breakfast or dinner and constantly reassure him that you love him yet the pornogrophy is going to tear you apart, bottom line. Fast and pray dear because he is caught in a strong hold, find friends to pray with you.

Answer 5

this is not right at all. He is wrong but maybe you could do something else to spicy it up, you know, be sexy, dress and pretend you are someone new to him, try to catch his attention, guys like that. If you love him with all your heart, don't let him go because of this. Guys are like this, they are crazy about these sites but I repeat: it is not right what he is doing to you. What I mean is, if there is love, it is worth fighting for it, even if you guys have to go for counseling...........and be smart: buy a sexy outfit, change the game, as we say here in my country. Surprise him and see what happens.........go naked to the computer room - lol, or wearing less than you are used to, oh well, you are a woman and I am sure you understand what I mean..........SEDUCE HIM and see what happens. If he still continues, then it is more serious and you should go for help. But try to talk to him and maybe you should stay there with him and see what happens. Tell him that this kind of thing can also catch your attention........boy, this internet really poisons happy families and I find it to be so sad!
Good luck. Let us know what happened, ok?
You can contact me to talk if you wish.

Answer 6

#1 Don't blame yourself or even think its about you. Alot of time men view porn or even cheat and women automatically point the finger at themselves. Look at all these beautiful stars getting divorced or having problems because their greedy husband/wife want more. Some people are just never satisfied.

Answer 7

Consider all first but tell him he has to stop. If he can't he needs help from a therapist. If he doesn't stop it probably means he needs help. I saw an answer to a question such as this a few weeks back and their answer was- that he was sick and that if one stays with someone like this they are an enableler. I agree and that is why I confronted mine with these things. Although I don't know if he was doing as much I do know he was looking regularly and probably communicating with them somehow too. If you lose respect for one it is hard to gain it back. Pray for answers. Tell him he has to stop. Maybe he will if you make it stick. It is very scarey and I will pray for you and me. It feels just awful to be in this situation and it hurts.

Answer 8

Sounds like sexual addiction. He might need therapy. Both of you should go to couples counseling. Look it up online. There's a lot of great resources and support groups for that. Get informed about it before you talk to him, though. Knowledge is power.

Answer 9

that's what you get for a packaged deal. that is not your subject. it is your spouse's. The extra you attempt to be their father, the extra severe it gets. i think of those young ones prefer their father. you won't be able to replace him no count how not undemanding you attempt. purely step aside and permit your spouse handle it. She ought to locate their father to play a extra lively function. All young toddlers at that age have confidence they are mature and have their own concept of acceptable or incorrect. they often insurrection against authority and oldsters besides. They use the excuse which you have not genuine authority considering you at the instant are not their father. No ingredient in forcing it. the shy away is in the journey that your spouse does not do what's stable, she would be waiting to create extra distance between the two one among you.

Answer 10

First, he is the one with the problem, not you. He needs counseling. If he doesn't get it, he will never have a satisfying sex life because none of us can measure up to the porn stars.