Looking for a woman's perspective...(concerning a large family)?

Question

Me and my wife were recently married and I mentioned to her I would love to have a very large family....To my surprise she turned into what I can best describe as a scared kitten...To be honest, I will be making more than enough money to support a family with 6-8 children so that is not her worry...Is she simply worried about going through the process of passing 6-8 kids?....I have worked hard to be able to accomplish this in my life (honestly, I may have never mentioned my intentions with her completely--but she was happily expecting children)...What do you think is her true worry?

I thought I should add this little fact after reading these answers...
We both came from big Irish Catholic families. (easily 6-8 kids in each family)

Answer 1

Having 6 to 8 kids is a lot of responsability. It also ties her down as well.

Answer 2

Hello, I think you mentioned she hasn't had kids before. First of all you should let her decide when enough is enough and be satisfied with that. As a man, obviously, you are oblivious to the fact that chidbearing takes it's toll on a woman.

She may want to be a bride for a number of years before she decides to roll up her sleeves and become a full fledged soccer mom. Most mothers of large families say how wonderful all of their children are (which is okay) but will neglect to tell how much effort is actually required during the growing years.

I believe if she hasn't seen you as a man, giving effortlessly without complaint of your time/work around the house, then she has a reason to not see this as the most desireable outcome for her marriage. If you are a workaholic and barely have time for her now, how are you going to manage quality time with each and every one of those 6-8 children.

What about the meals that have to be prepared (10 people *3 meals a day = 30 servings * 7 day = 120 meals a week) not to mention laundry, diaper duty, nursing, bottle feedings, doctor appointments, illnesses, toys, birthday parties, school work, sports, fine arts, field trips, clothes, shoes, school supplies, graduation....nooo this isn't about the money at all, that's just the means to an end. We're talking time (24/7) and effort (120%) and committment(~) for their entire lives and mommy's happiness (:0) as well. Did you discuss that with her??

If not, let her decide what works. As a girl growing up in a large family, she may have already decided that she has had more than her share of doing "woman's work" to last her a lifetime. She might like an only child around the house, who might give you many grandchildren in return.

Answer 3

Ok... you have recently married and you "mentioned" to her that you would love to have a large family??? Your dreams for children and family are not things that you "mention," you sit down and discuss them. And you do this BEFORE you are married, not after, so that there are clear expectations and no misunderstandings. In addition, you also ASK her what her dreams and expectations are... and listen to the answers, and discuss them. Sure, people can change their minds, so it's not like whatever you say is nailed in stone... but you need to talk seriously and respectfully about this. And by the way, the fact that you both come from large families means nothing... maybe she hated being a child in such a large family. Who knows? None of us do - nor will you, until you ask her.

By the way, perhaps I should ask... what other serious areas have you two not talked about? Clear communication is essential to a happy marriage. I think there is a book called something like "100 Questions Every Couple Should Ask Before They Get Married" or something... why don't you two get that book and start talking? And don't be afraid of disagreement - it doesn't mean your marriage is over. I highly recommend John Gottman's "The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work" for more about this.

Answer 4

That is a huge responsibility. Good finances help, that helps a TON. But all the money in the world doesn’t raise those children. It’s fun, but it’s not easy either.

As for going through pregnancy and giving birth. Well the first baby is usually the toughest. After that as far as the labor, it generally gets MUCH easier. Not only would she be better prepared after her first, but the labor itself is a lot faster. I’m pregnant with my third right now, and I can say with all three of my pregnancies there are always some discomforts but that is to be expected. There can also be some bumps in the road. I’ve had two perfectly healthy pregnancies and babies, but before this pregnancy I lost one (technically this would be my fourth pregnancy). There was no known reason, it just happened. The doctor that did the surgery said his wife had been through this twice, and the other four children they have are perfectly fine. It was scary. VERY scary. And sad.

To sum it up, there are a lot of things us women worry about when it comes to pregnancy/children. It’s normal. Pregnancy can be excited and scary at the same time. And then finally having the children can be amazing but stressful. I myself, absolutely love children. But even me, I don’t think I could handle 6-8. I think four, at best!

Just keep talking to her, ask her questions. Hopefully she’ll open up her worries to you and better help you to understand. Good luck to you both.

Answer 5

I think that was a subject that should have been discussed before marriage, just to be sure you two were on the same page. Having one child is a big enough responsibility much less 6-8. Sounds like she wants to have children but maybe not that many, and you should really listen to her and maybe you can come to a happy medium. Good luck

Answer 6

It's probably not the money that she's worried over and you should have mentioned it before you got married. From this woman's perspective the thought of one pregnancy is terrifying, let alone being tenatively pregnant six to eight times. During pregnancy, she may or may not have to deal with the following issues:

Gestational Diabetes (which is sometimes temporary or can remain permanent)
Hair and tooth loss (depending on quantity of kids and quality of self care)
nausea
chronic body aches and pains
heartburn
fatigue
vericose veins
hemmorroids
edema (swelling of body regions esp. the hands and feet)
toxemia
stretch marks, the list goes on.

Honestly, she may desire to suffer through that a couple times, but not six or eight. Heck, its enough to put me off kids all together, especially since pregnancy lasts normally for 9 months. Also, you just got married. Allow yourselves to enjoy the honeymoon phase and quit talking about kids; believe me it will end soon enough. Allow the two of you to have your privacy and time to yourself.

Answer 7

IF before you were married and your wife was fine with having a large family, she tricked you just to marry her and thought that you would change your mind.

In any event, you're married now and you have to accept her being scared of having such a large family. As time progresses, and you have the first child, talk with her about a second, third, fourth, etc but only after each child is born and she's over the reminder of birth.

I have eight children myself and I didn't want to have as many but I love my husband very much and he wanted a large family so I went ahead and had eight children with him. My husband is the sole provider of our household but I do have a full time job as well.

Tell your wife that it is so easy raising the children when they are stair step births instead of many many years in between.

Good luck....

Answer 8

My best advise to you would be just take it day by day. Don't set a number yet. Start with one see how you feel then have another and so on. It is easy to say what you think you might want but in reality you never really know what life may hand you. Just be glad you can have children and let it be natural. Chances are you will end up with the perfect number if you just let destiny take its course.

Answer 9

who is going to carry those 8 kids for 9 months each?who will wake up in the night to change dipers or feed a howling baby?who will take care of the kids,cook for them,dress them up for school in the morn while u r away at work?having 8 kids isnt a joy ride,women arent child pomping machines and men should understand that.Your wife gains horrible weight after each pregnancy,weight that is very hard to lose.....and im sure u as a man wont find her as attractive as she used to be.Plus giving birth is excrusiating pain my dear,imagine spending hours with the sensation that something is splitting u and sawing u in half,there r also risks when giving birth.....does she really have to go through that 8 times?
Plus 8 kids to worry about?that's allot of work esp for the mother who is more sensitive.And wait until u have 8 teenagers in the house......God's speed men.

Answer 10

I would freak out if my husband said he wanted any kids.
I am freaked out by stretch marks, swollen feet,weight gain, the possibility of high blood pressure, labor, poopy diapers, sleepless nights, having to take time off work, not being able to go on a spontaneous trip for years, college tuition.
Now multiply that by 6 or 8.