How can I get my husband to get a job?

Question

My husband has a master's degree, but can't seem to keep a job. He's had at least 5 jobs in the past year, and I can't even count the number he's had in the 12 years we've been married. When he's out of a job (due to being fired or quitting because of some lame excuse), he's terribly depressed and he does NOTHING. He feels sorry for himself and I don't know what to do... He can be a great guy, and I would hate to end this relationship. I've always believed in the "for better or worse" part, but it doesn't seem to let up, ever. Then, when things start to get bad financially, he starts fussing at me for "spending money." (groceries, children's school lunch, and crazy things like that)

He can't find time to get a job, but manages to find time for a daily afternoon nap.

I think I would take it better if he would help out around the house while he's laying around in it all day every day, but he doesn't. About the only thing he manages to do is to get his cereal bowl to the kitchen!

My husband has a master's degree, but can't seem to keep a job. He's had at least 5 jobs in the past year, and I can't even count the number he's had in the years we've been married. When he's out of a job (due to being fired or quitting because of some lame excuse), he's terribly depressed and he does NOTHING. He feels sorry for himself and I don't know what to do... He can be a great guy, and I hate to end this relationship. I've believed in the "for better or worse" part, but it doesn't let up. When things get bad financially, he starts fussing at me for "spending money." (groceries, children's school lunch, and crazy things like that)

He can't find time to get a job, but manages to find time for a daily afternoon nap.

I think I would take it better if he would help out around the house while he's laying around in it all day every day, but he doesn't. About the only thing he manages to do is to get his cereal bowl to the kitchen!

UPDATE: He's bipolar AND in therapy.

And is medicated...

Answer 1

bi-polar is really hard to deal with as you know. There are so many different medications that he can be on to treat it. Not all work for all people. If it has been this long and the Psyc. has not found the right combination of medication for him then you really need to find someone else for him to go to. He will not hold a job if he is not stable. I do not know how involved you are in his therapy but you should attend some of his secions or at least have an appointment with the psyc. your self so he/she can really understand the propblem. I do not believe that you can trust your husband to give a complete discripton of ehat is happening. Try for disability until you can get his meds regulated. Ok so that is what i think.

If at any point you feel you or the kids are in danger then you are going to have to leave. That does not mean you have to divorce him, but keep your kids in a safe and stable place until he is able to be stableized. Leaving for a little while may be the push he needs to get better help. Just remember do not go back until he can show that he is stabilized and can hold a job. I truley understand how hard it is to deal with someone who is bi-polar but I also know that if on the right meds they can live a normal life.

Answer 2

Perhaps he is getting into the wrong kinds of jobs. And that's why he doesn't last on them very long.

With a master's degree being a junior employee can be quite humiliating and demoralizing. Being ordered around by people who know less than you do and perhaps in some way are less competent than you are is no fun.

He should try to look for a job where he will be his own boss most of the time, even if it does pay less money than some other job.

And if possible, he should try to be self-employed or go into business on his own.

Also with his master's degree, he probably could work for a private company from home providing customer assistance and help over the internet and phone. Here is an article about it with internet links where he can apply and work from home.
http://abcnews.go.com/GMA/Careers/story?id=1843365&page=1

Answer 3

There are a few issues you are dealing with here. I can only suggest that maybe he needs to find a job where his degrees are not necessary and where he has limited contact with others. It is hard on a person to always get fired. Maybe find out the real causes of the loss of jobs, such as n ot getting the work out, or not in a timely manner, or in a sub-standard manner, or his mood swings are a problem for other people on the job. Knowing the exact causes for being dismissed from a job could lead you to know where he could work and feel good about himself. Forget the degrees and let him seek a position that will make him happy, where he can work for a long time.

Answer 4

Okay it appears to me that your husband has some issues he has to resolve I have been in the same job for 6yrs now and the only reason people get fired or quit is becuase they are total buttheads on the job and well when his boss tells him to smarten up he just goes berserk. I would have you husband look into some counselling and some therapy since he is also dealing with some depression. I would plainly ask him to clean around the house since he is not working it is the least he could do. If he doesn't want to clean then tell him to go look for a job. Also tell him that you are getting annoyed with his behavior and are going on a sex strike until he smartens up and grows-up!

God Bless and Best of Luck

Answer 5

OK, why isn't this person in therapy?
I know all about his kind of problem, because I've got similar ones.
It just took me to get so messed up that I qualified for Medicaid before I could go back and get help again.
So, if you've got insurnace, you HAVE to get him help.
or leave him.
You are enabling him, and this isn't going to work.
Therapy coudl work.
But you can't allow this anymore.
It's tough, because he most likely will not go because you say so. When you leave, he might do it,
When you suggest it, he may actually be relieved that you don't judge him, but want the best for all of you.
The nap is NOT something he finds time for.
He's stuck, and the lack of compassion you seem to have is NOT going to make it better.
In fact, any guilt you give him will make it WORSE.
So, INSIST that he get help, or you leave.
That's all the choice you have, hon.
Good luck.

Answer 6

It sounds like he might be suffering from depression or he could have Adult ADD, or both. He should see a doctor and a psychologist and be tested. If he has a treatable problem the doctor will put him on meds and that will help - along with therapy.

Answer 7

RUN!!!