Can i save my marriage?

Question

Everything changed after we got married. He started complaining about every little thing. We fight all the time, because he ain't listening at all, not to me, not to anyone, he says stupid things for me and my family, and if we are not fighting then we ain't talk at all.
Because after he makes all the mistakes he is acting as if nothing happened, and that is so annoying. I mean so far because it is impossible for me to live with somebody and talk at all, i always initiated a discussion, but i cannot take this any longer.
I need him to show me that he cares, that he is aware of all that he has done and how much pain he has caused me.
I need him to start showing some responsibility, and get him to undestrand that marrgiage is not a game, it is something we should work on.
Is there any chance, i can get him to talk to me by his own initiative, or am i seeing an end to this marriage?

Answer 1

I think that it is important for you to realize that you CAN NOT change him. Nothing that you ever do or say will. So what you need to do is say "is there anything that I can change that will make me happier". Because unlike the guys in the movies, He will never all of the sudden see all of his wrongs and change all of his ways. So if there is something that you can do differently, Such as, handle situations differently or change the what you expect of him, and be a happier woman because of it than you need to try it. But if you truly believe that you are doing everything you possibly can to make it work and nothing wrong, than you need to find a different path. Remember you will never change the way he is. Also try to remember that we teach people how to treat us by example. For example you have to love and respect yourself in order for anyone else to. That was the best advice I ever received. And because of that advice I am married to a wonderful man.
Good Luck.

Answer 2

It's a lot easier to associate with someone than it is to marry them. The reason is that once you're married, you now represent each other and you have now become a part of each other's identity. It sounds like he was not ready to take that on.
To be honest, I had the same problem when I first got married. Ending the relationship is not the answer. You'll do that all your life if you start now. Nobody is perfect.
I strongly recommend good old fashioned marriage counseling. Someone who specializes in reconciliation is a must. If you're a church-goer, find an experienced minister with a successful marriage and well mannered kids. The older the better (unless he's senile, of course).
If you're not a church goer, churches are still a good place to start looking and most ministers will be able to provide you with referrals to professional and competent counselors who focus on reconciliation. Many, many successful marriages owe their happiness to some good counseling along the way. Don't be afraid to go for it. Good luck.

Answer 3

I have read a couple of the replies and some of them have asked you if this is how it was before marriage, I agree if this is how he was before you got married he may not change unless he wants to. If he was this way before it probably didn't bother as much or maybe you thought he would change after you got married...how long where the 2 of you together before you got married? did you live together before? did you spend alot of time with each other? I think if you stop and think about how he was before the 2 of you got married it might shed some light on why he is this way now...However if he was not this way at all and he has totally changed than you need to ask him why...... I don't think its as cut and dry as giving him an ultimatum as some have suggested. You need to ask your self what has changed as a whole, has your life style changed at all, do you have kids now, has his job changed has your job changed, has your social lives changed...you get the point...there are alot of things that could explain the change..IF he has changed.. which leads us back to the first Question was he this way to begin with........ one more thing talk to him even if he doesn't talk back tell him how you feel and tell him you love him and that you may not know why he has been acting the way he has been but it hurts you and its hurting your relationship, keep in mind that men by nature ( although it sucks) are not the best at communicating .but I do believe communication is very important in a marriage well in any relationship... Good luck

Answer 4

Hi...I know your problem oh so well..been there myself. Unfortunately after years of trying and some marriage counseling it still didn't help to where it ended up in a nasty divorce. I hate to see anyone go thru what I did if the marriage can be saved. Of course your issues may not be the same as mine was. In my opinion, take it for what its worth, you have three options. 1). Ask your husband to have a private conversation with you and discuss your problems and issues concerning your marriage. 2) If he declines your suggestion, then tell him it's either the two of you discussing the problems and trying to resolve them or going to get professional help from a marriage counselor. 3) if your husband can't agree on neither 1 or 2 then I would tell him he has no other option and that since he doesn't have the consideration or the "love" for you to sit down and discuss the matter then you will have to separate until he faces the issue at hand. Or accept him for who and what he is and ignore his behavior and go on with your marriage and grin and bare it. I wish you all the luck on your decision. Have a blessed day.

Answer 5

First of all. I`m sorry to hear that things aren`t working out for you. Your husband sounds like a lot of men who are on their best behavior until they " get " the girl. they never say, do, etc , anything wrong. They won`t share problems for fear of seeming " Weak " in their partners eyes.What does he complain about ?. Are there things or conditions that HE could change if he tried ?. Are there outside factors that might be affecting his behavior towards you ?. Perhaps he might be having problems at work for instance . Unfortunately it`s impossible to force another person to open up or to talk to you. If you`ve tried your best - and I DO mean your very best, then perhaps threatening to leave might be the wake-up call that he needs to let him know just how serious the situation has gotten !. You don`t say how old he is, a younger, less mature person will necessarily see things in a different light than a more mature person who`s had the experience of years to guide him. I do believe that it`s time to take action, I hope it goes well for you.

Answer 6

In a mans point of view, i can tell u it all comes down to one thing. Pride. I have a 7 yrs relationship and i realize alot of times when i dun wanna admit my mistake is because of pride. Even though i know very well i was wrong i wouldn't admit it because my ego doesn't allow. I don't know about female, but i do know sometimes we guys quarrel with our partners its just not only because of what just happen but rather what has been happening. Me and my gf have a very good solution when such things happen. Either she or me will just keep quiet and say u r raising your voice lets not talk and leave each other alone. After a good cooling down few minutes, we both realize we can talk to each other with a more rational mind. Eventually the ones who raise his voice will apologize and explain y. Sometimes when we realize we have alot of problems and is gonna erupt soon we will just find a quiet place and talk things out, no hold barred! We just let each other know what we feel towards each other recently but in a nice manner. Its not an argument session more like a let u know whats going on thing. Always remain peaceful during such session and it will make u accept whats wrong with yourself. I believe it takes two hands to clap, just a matter of which hand uses more strength. But if you love ur husband and vice verses than always put love infront, constantly remind each other why you both tie the knot and how u both promise to love each other and stay forever no matter what. This is a very good fuel to keep u goin. Good luck and hope my advice would help. Ps: vote me as best ans if its workable.... :)

Answer 7

I do believe there is a very big chance, and not just that, but a responsibility of the two of you to come together and realize the importance of the vow you have taken and the promise you made to eachother and to God that you will love and cherish and respect eachother without the option of divorce. Just erase that word from your memory and think "What can I do to be the best wife I can be?" and he will fall right into the place he should be, but don't be afraid to initiate the apologies and the make-up. If you have a video or a picture album of your wedding day, it's nice to look at that once in a while to remind you of the dreams and hopes you have in eachother. Your marriage is what you make of it. God bless you and your husband.

Answer 8

Well with a marriage that I had he started beatin on me.I left and never been with another beater but find the guys who love you yell.There is a couple ways to deal with it. 1.Get a close friend of both of yours to sand in the room and make sure there is no yelling and talk. 2.When the yelling starts one of you go take a walk to cool down.Then when that person gets home talk it out. 3.Women can hold sex till they get what they want.Even if you are married you can still say no sex for you. Depending on the bread winner of the family it could be a number of answers but a nice surprise romantic dinner for two might help then say I`d like to talk not yell for once dear. If he starts yelling you yourself go take a walk to a friend`s or family members house.Don`t talk to your friends about what you did for him.Just say you needed air when you get by your friends.They should understand that.When he shows up or gets back he should feel like an *** unless he`s a beater then you should get out.

Answer 9

Well, it used to happen to me at my earlier days of my marriage. We both are from two different world and jus like u, I could not take anymore. I often heard people say that the first 5 years is always very hard so I tried my best to save my marriage. For your info, I m still married for 14 years with 4 kids..

My advise to you is if you believe you can change him or make your marriage work, do your best. Try to communicate with him. Try to "shove" some responsibilities little bit one at a time. For example, maybe paying bills on time, buying groceries or etc. You have to observe his movements and see whether he achieve the responsibilities u gave him. If he did achieve it, it is a good sign. But if it is not, don give up. Give it another try. Tell yourself, nobody is perfect, everyone needs a chance to change. Give him time and preserve to the end.

I wish u luck and hope you don give up on him after all u have been through. God will help u to overcome this ordeal. Have a little patience with him, ok.

Answer 10

You were in denial in your courtship and you are in denial now. You cannot change people. Your love cannot save them from themselves. You are right when you said marriage is not a game and it is something you should work on. How do you tell that to someone who is immature and thinks he can only be heard if he yells? How can some one care for another when they don't care for themselves? The best thing you can do, Is when he yells, leave. Just for a few minutes, go. You don't have to be yelled at. Each time he yells you stay gone longer. If this continues explain to him that you are not a verbal punching bag and when he treats you this way, You are not going to stick around. One day you will leave and it will be for good. You know this as much as I do. Do yourself a favor in the future love someone for who and what they are, not there potential.