Tell me what you think?

Question

Tell me if you like this song(i have an australian accent and the song goes kinda fast):

Sitting at the beach
wettin' my feet
looking at the sun
having much fun
Girls getting tans
Couples holding hands
Boys playing catch
others at the v.net
me and my friends,will be tight to the end
this is our place,our summerland
Were off to the boardwalk,
where we will talk,
about the new craze
or our boy phase
Well be loud as possible,
Screaming is suitable

Answer 1

You have some good links there, Maybe expand the thought of each line? It reads rappish which is a pity, I think you could do better.

You know, maybe;

Sitting at the beach, with the sun in our hair.
Watching couples walking by, holding hands.

Hey, who knows, maybe you are trying for the hard ares rapper image. You know what, that's a fairly poor image to try for.

Anyway, keep at it!

Answer 2

The concept is good, but you rhyme your words too much. Its your song though so if its meant to sound like that then don't change it. But if you want my advice try putting an odd word in everyone in a while.

Answer 3

Its cute its like the start of a summer to look forward poem or a cute memory of a summer good job

Answer 4

Great

Answer 5

Very cool!

Answer 6

I Love It!!

Answer 7

i like it!