I've been married a very long time, but will be divorcing soon.
Why is it that men seem to stop looking & wanting their wives after a couple of years?
I have treated him like a king, had sex countless times a day.
I keep the house clean & food on his table.
I always fix myself up in sexy clothing,,,but he just seems like its all old for him...like been there done that.
What am I doing wrong ?...all he ever does is scream at me & say I never do anything right.
He degrades me & insults me infront of people...Are all men this way..ive neem married 22 yrs and will be 40 in August.
2007-05-05 00:56:14 · 15 answers · asked by earthangel_candy 4 in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
hes a very abusive man..........atleast he was..now its more verbally
2007-05-05 01:23:43 · update #1
he hasnt let me have a friend in 22 yrs...since i was 17
2007-05-05 01:24:24 · update #2
No, not all men exhibit this behavior. I recommend a counselor to work through your experiences and wish you the best of luck in romance in the future.
Personally the dressing in sexy clothing shows that you have a good self-image which is going to help you in recovering and moving on.
2007-05-05 00:59:55 · answer #1 · answered by khrome_wind 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I am sorry but I had to answer. Not only do I understand how you feel, I also know that it isn't you! So stop at the word why. For one, it sounds like it's him that owns this set of issues and if he can't see that he is losing a good wife and is doing the best, then to be honest...let him go!
You don't need to be insulted or put down. He can't control you, only himself. vise versa!
I hope over time you will see that there are just some people that you can't please no matter how hard you try and put effort in.
If you want to save this marriage go see a counselor and work out these issue. 22 yrs of marriage is a hugh investmen to a person, and hard to just let go of. There could be a issue deeper in him, having nothing to do with you! But, if you want to save it, do all you can before you divorce him!
If nothing can be saved count your blessings and take your time to make you right emotionally before you find a man that will treat you with great respect and love you like you should!
Pray and ask that your not alone because divorce sure does do a good job at making you feel useless and no good. I hope you never feel like that.
2007-05-05 08:07:18 · answer #2 · answered by SDC 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
IF what you say is true about your behaivor then I'd say move on. Im a lucky husband of 13 years and get almost exactly what you described I haven't stopped looking at or wanting my wife. Life is great! He clearly has other issues, whatever that may be. Don't blame it on yourself or think that we are all like that. Hell I have a list of men that would like to meet you if really are
"I have treated him like a king, had sex countless times a day.
I keep the house clean & food on his table.
I always fix myself up in sexy clothing"
That.
In the future just be yourself and do it for you. We all like a little challenge, as childish as that sounds. Make the next guy work for it a little.
2007-05-05 08:06:00 · answer #3 · answered by David R 1 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Not all men are like that. What it seams like is he is a weak person who was not really in it for the long haul. Every man (and I presume women), come to a point in a long relationship where everything just seems to be old and theres no excitement; visualize this as a hump or a low point. From this point the relationship goes in one of two directions; 1. The man starts to see someone else or searches for another partner (essentially giving up). 2. The man realizes that a relationship is more than physical and puts his heart into it and works to make the relationship a loving one (which eventually leads to new excitement). And then of course the series keeps repeating itself through life.
It seems like he has more or less given up and cannot find his way past the hump. This is nothing you personally done wrong, it just happens to be the man your with; someone weak and uncommitted. It's good you got this out of the way now :)
2007-05-05 08:06:28 · answer #4 · answered by Vincent C 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
The truth IS he was like this BEFORE you married him but didnt take time to see him as he really was.His true self came out after the "honeymoon" was over.How long did you date him before you married him? Chances are you can save the marriage if you will tell him "go to counseling or its divorce".Many guys have to be given that ultimatum before they realize there really IS a problem.If you do divorce,just remember next time , it takes a while for a person's "mask" to come off so date a yr or 2 and NO sex, which will help to keep those masks on longer.By the way ALL men arent like that,just the ONE you picked.
2007-05-05 08:06:13 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Not all men are the same and not all women are the same. Causes for divorce are differnet: sometimes it's the fault of the husband, sometimes it's the fault of the wife and sometimes the fault is on both sides.
I cannot comment much on your particular case but from what you wrote you should get a divorce. You aren't doing anything wrong. Sometimes men have eyes for other women, sometimes they just cannot be satisfied. Take your time after divorce, spend time with your family and your female friends, it'll help you to recover, after that, sail into your new life! There are good men around and I hope you will find one. Good luck!
2007-05-05 08:14:33 · answer #6 · answered by AQ - מלגזה 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I don't know you. But if you are a good wife as you say he should treat you as such. And no all men are not like that. My father always told me, "son if you got to fight to keep her, don't, just let her go! I think that should be for women also.
I'm 28 and had three serious relationships. Talked about marriage but just didn't work out. Now I find it hard to date. Most women my age are either already married, worthless lazy fat slobs, or a house full of kids. Of course a lot don't like my life style. Good luck in finding a good man.
2007-05-05 08:09:53 · answer #7 · answered by solow321 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your not doing anything wrong. Its not your fault your a beautiful woman and your husband is taking you for granted. And also you don't need a man who verbally assaults you. Why would a woman want a man who treats her in that manner. I know your married and all. But its time to move on, before things get worse, or maybe your man has problems that you don't know about. Like alcohol or drugs. Good luck on whatever you decide.
2007-05-05 09:17:24 · answer #8 · answered by Warren H 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Peolple change over time. Thats alomost a given. It seems you both were young when you were married. In my circle of friends it seems that those that were married later(30 yrs old or more) have done better that the couples that were married early. There are exceptions but..........
2007-05-05 08:02:21 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Maybe you took all the "chase" out of the relationship by treating him "too well". It isn't very tantalising to get everything that you want. You should have denied him more. On the other hand, he might just be a feckless waste of space.
2007-05-05 08:01:16 · answer #10 · answered by The Oak 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋