I want to DIE today :'(?

Question

am depressed and I feel like I want to DIE .....

I am one of those Type - A women who is totally impatient about getting pregnant. I was diagnozed of having anovulatory cycles 2 years ago by a professional gynecologist (my aunt) who specializes in endocrinology and infertility treatment.
Since then the fact that I will have to undergo infertiity treatment has been bugging me. My problem is that when i was diagnozed of having anovulatory cycles, i was only 22. I was pursuing my Masters degree and could not afford* to have a baby then. Now i have completed my Masters and am planning to have a baby in another 1 year. So i am trying to lose weight, but its not working no matter how hard i try.... :-( ...I cannot go take any infertility treatment until I lose the weight :-(

am 5.7 and weigh 200 pounds. I do look OK and dont look overly obese cos most of my body weight is muscle.
But for any infertility treatments to work, I have no option but to lose about 60 pounds or so before I can get pregnant. So i started my weight loss regime some time ago. I always lose about 20 pounds, and my weight does not EVER come down below that. It stagnantes. I try so hard, run the extra mile on the treadmil even if my Back and leg hurt and even if i have to take a painkiller and damage my liver. I have been over excercising and over dieting, all in an attempt to lose weight soon and have a baby soon. Its been a struggle trying to lose the stubborn fat :( .... I feel so hopeless and tired sometimes. The restlessness and anxiety is killing me :( .... I never have a single day without thinking about my LIFE without a baby! and thinking about what I should do to lose more weight .... Life sucks bottom line. Ok thanks for listening to me....

If you have any advice for me, its well appreciated

I am not emotionally unhealthy or have clinical depression. Its just the circumstances in life are making me hopeless...and am unable to find the strength to deal with it :-(

And for those of you who are thinking I am over eating. I swear I am not. I literally live on fruits and veggies :-( .... And I excercise 6 days a week. I am not putting on any weight, but am not losing any either :-( ..... sucks really. I hope u understand what am saying here...

Answer 1

Sounds like PCOS to me which means you should see a Reproductive Endocrinologist. If it is PCOS, it is not just getting PG, but maintaing the pregnancy.

Here are just a few of the symnptoms as it applies to you:
Weight gain and have trouble losing weight.
No periods or irregular periods.
Trouble getting pregnant.
Depression and mood swings
PMDD

I have included a link for you to a topic overview of PCOS. I hope you don't have it, but if you do, remember that it IS treatable and manageable and many of us get PG and even carry to term without too much intervention. In fact, for some of us, just taking the drugs to fix the insulin resistance (IR) causes the cycles to become completely regular and you can get PG as soon as that happens.

Good luck, HTH

*******************Aftre your update****************
I TOTALLY understand. The IR makes it nearly impossible to lose weight. The good news is as soon as that is treated the weight drops off of most of us incredibly fast since we are already eating fewer calories to prevent gaining more.

The emotional stuff could be hormonal (and clinical depression IS caused by circumstance as well as hormones) so don't disount it.

I hope you get the help you need soon, because I have a feeling once you treat the physical problems most of the emotional problems will clear as well....like they do for a PCOSer LOL

Answer 2

This may sound crazy, but stop exercising so much... you said your weight is mostly muscle, well, exercising tends to build up muscles. When I was 19 and in the military, I went from 145 to 162 (I am 6' tall) and it was all muscle. Then I got pregnant and stopped all the heavy exercising and after I had my baby, I was at 135 pounds 6 weeks later. I haven't worked out nearly as much as what I used to and I'm still only at 138. I have lost all my muscle mass. So you might want to try this... eat LOTS of fresh fruits and vegetables, eat plenty of protein, milk, juice, and water. Be sure to get your whole grains and carbs in as well, and cut out excess sugar and caffeine. Then instead of running all the time, just go on brisk walks (It'll help burn calories, but you won't be working your muscles as hard as running) and maybe your muscles will start to shrink and melt off a few pounds and you'll continue to lose fat weight by eating healthy and walking to burn calories. But you're going to have to be committed, and give it time, maybe 6 months to a year. Be patient and persistent! Good luck to you and God bless! Cheer up! :-)

Answer 3

NOW NOW NOW..So you want a baby,,
Why not concentrate on losing weight first and reward yourself with pregnancy.
you need a diet from a dietitian.
People aways say that they cant loose weight...Guess what They are liars.
IF YOU DONT OVER EAT then how can you possible put on weight.
Try walking on the foot path instead of your machine get out a smell the fresh air, Get a friend to go walking with you.
And turn it into a competition for yourself.
Start out going around the block then extend the walking time every few days. Make sure that you include some hills in your walk and walk on flat ground for 15 minutes when you have finished you major walk.
May be if you lost some weight your fertility will come back to normality. Get a walking partner who will encourage you

Answer 4

Please talk to your primary care dr if you have one to see about getting checked for thyroid problems. Symptoms of thyroid problems can include depression, problems with the menstrual period (this one my gynecologist told me is the most common symptom of a thyroid problem that causes women to go to their gynecologists to find out why they are having irregular periods and bleeding), as well as having problems with losing weight.

Answer 5

i am more concerned about your mental health by the looks of your posting...
have you considered adopting? there are plenty of unwanted children out there who need a loving home. why put your body thru such a life threating process of pregnancy and labor?