I have been married before and had issues with that as well. to young for one thing and very immature. This marraige has been going on like we just exist. I am at odds. She had an affair last summer and then denied it even happen. Now I have a new child and worry that she may not be mine. Other circumstances surround this and that is all that will be brought up.
So now I feel as if our life is just an existance and not a happy marriage. I am thinking of a divorce and am heart broken at the whole thing. What is a good way to approach, therapy, family? not sure.
2007-05-04 22:02:40 · 7 answers · asked by Brian B 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
just so others know the other involved also told me, and then they both changed their story.
2007-05-05 01:42:57 · update #1
First of all how do you know that she had an affair? I have seen so many people accusing their spouse of cheating with no verification and it often turns out they were wrong. You say you had an issue with it in your first marriage. this alone would cause you to be untrusting and suspicious.
If you push the issue and get the DNA test done and it confirms you as the father, your marriage will be ruined because your wife will not be willing to forget your accusations. If it confirms that you are not the daddy, your marriage is ruined because it will show that she did have an affair.
It is a lose/lose situation you are trying to dig into. If you don't trust a woman, you shouldn't be with her and if you want to make your marriage work, you better let go of your past before it's too late.
2007-05-04 22:18:26 · answer #1 · answered by dadof7n2001 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Go and get a DNA test for you and the baby, and then go from there, if she was not honest with you about the affair and then still denied it when you found out, she is obviously full of sh*t and your relationship will never work out, if she can admit to it and you are prepared to accept it and work at moving on then you may have some hope, but from my experience once a cheater always a cheater, are you ever going to trust her again?, if not end it and move on , it will be hard for a while but it will be even harder the longer you leave it and you will become more bitter and you will take it out on your next relationship....and the longer you leave it the older the child will be and the more hurt they well feel, if you can move on, great, but if you cant get out....Good Luck
2007-05-05 05:12:26 · answer #2 · answered by mumma_of_4 2 · 1⤊ 1⤋
First thing is the DNA test for the child, and secondly what brought you to this point? after she had the affair and you accused her? You need to talk to her and see where she stands, and see if she thinks some type of therapy would help you two... but if there is no interest in mending this relationship its time for you to cut the ties...cant make someone love you... and no one deserves to be that unhappy life is way too short...
2007-05-05 07:55:43 · answer #3 · answered by Renee 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You should never stay in a situation where you are unhappy. If you are willing to work things out with her then counseling is the best approach. However, if you are that unhappy my advice is move on. I agree that the DNA test could go either way. She is most likely going to be mad if you suggest it..and you are going to be uneasy until you know for sure. But, that is your right as a parent.. to know FOR SURE. If you have definite proof that she cheated on you, but she isn't admitting to it either way..chances are she isn't going to ever admit to it. Only you can make a decision to forgive or forget. That is within you. You have to sit down with her..iron out your issues and decide where to go from there. Best of luck to you..
2007-05-05 06:16:35 · answer #4 · answered by Christine 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well, for starters, go get a DNA test on your child. If your marriage doesn't work, you don't need to pay for a child that is not yours (unless you want to). If it does work, you will not have this in the back of your mind every time you see your daughter. I would first take care of yourself and go for some counseling. I'd follow the counselors advice from there. Good luck and best wishes!
2007-05-05 05:09:22 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
It sounds like you moved into a nest of problems to start with.
You have two choices: one, get a divorce, Two go see a marriage consular, if she's willing. If she won't even talk about it, then there's more to it then what the eye sees and she's not ready for you.
Explain the consular, then if she's not willing, and, your not even sure of the daughter, and she's more then likely saying "they only did it once" then my friend, I'd see a good lawyer and, make sure she sees the other guy about child support or your going to be raising someone elses baby.
2007-05-05 05:16:24 · answer #6 · answered by cowboydoc 7 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Brian---------first off I want to say I can feel your pain-------been there---done that----burned the tee-shirt.....well of course infidelity does give you every right to get divorcement-----however it may be in your best interest to make an attempt to mend things and forgive----------this can only work if you both try really really hard to give each other respect------and try to regain the intimacy that is lost----------now that intimacy phase should not be rushed------there are two hearts that would have to mend before that intimacy could be sincere.------------also-----for this to work she would have to agree to not stray again-----and your part would be tough-----to REALLY try hard to forgive and put the hurt aside and NEVER be throwing up past mistakes in her face-----doing that would throw away any chance in rehabilitating your marriage--------you need to decide if this is what you want---------ask yourself if you feel if given another chance would she do better?------and are you capable of being strong enough to now whip her over and over for past mistakes?-------------------you mentioned the key factor------------you got married young-------you have been married 11 years--------between teens and 30's we change drastically----------and we grow in different ways----------it is not uncommon at all for two people who hook up when young to one day discover the 'stranger' they are with does not have very much in common with them anymore----indeed may even be repulsive---------you have to sort this all out for yourself first-------and when you do you need to sit her down for a peaceful discussion on which direction you need to go with this---------------Good Luck
2007-05-05 05:22:16 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋