I am a married man. I am attracted to a married woman.I also have a wife who is suspicious. What to do now?

Question

I reside in an industrial township. The woman is the wife of one of my collegues. I first saw her in a social gathering 2 1/2 yrs back. Only looks were exchnged (more from her end). I did'nt do anything abt it for almost 2 yrs but of course the attraction was there (both ways) My family life is ok, no major prblms in my marriage. Abt 3 months back in another social gathring I commited a major blunder under the influence of alcohol (I feel). I touched her physically and her response was positive. Since then my attrcn towards her has increased. I am now friendly with her spouse, have visited their house. I know this is not right but looking at her response am afraid very soon I will be involved in a long term affair.

Is this wrong? What is the harm in sharing a person? I do not own her and she dosent own me. But it is possible to share temporarily. Of course we should always keep it a secret from our respective spouses.

Please give your opinion / suggestions/ analysis

Answer 1

Enjoy your life with her if she too wants to with you, till your respective spouses come to know it otherwise it will be a big legal, moral & social problem for you both. Now no one can stop you two indulge in an illicit relationship as this wave of sex is stronger then that of oceans so no use giving you those entire old morality lesson which you must have got here itself. Best course is be safe from medical point of view, hence use condom whenever indulging in sex ; Be safe from legal point of view don’t leave any evidence behind you whenever & wherever you two meet ; Be safe from social point of view never meet her in a place common to both of you, least you get caught in the act by some known person ; Finally behave in a very formal way with each other in presence of every one else as if you two are just knowing each other because of you & her husband work together nothing personal every thing official. I hope you understand this lesson of illicit relationship which I should not have told you but what to do sometimes there should be some change in my stand too.

Answer 2

Yes, its wrong. Its wrong on a whole bunch of levels. You must not be very happy in your marriage, or you wouldn't be doing it. But, you are a man and some men can never be faithful no matter how great they have it. You either need to end it or ask your wife for a divorce and tell her why. If you are man enough to cheat, then be man enough to come clean. You have every intention of starting a relationship with this woman and you know it. So your " am afraid very soon I will be involved in a long term affair", says it all. You have already thought it through. So stop making excuses for yourself. YOU DON'T SHARE WHEN YOU'RE MARRIED. You made a committment to your wife. You actually are pathetic.Sharing temporarily? How could you be such a slime ball and go over to your collegue's house, knowing you and his wife are having an affair? I really wish I knew who you are, because I would tell your wife and your "collegue" exactly what you and his wife are doing. And believe me, sooner or later they will both find out. I hope to God you don't have any kids with her. What a great father you are huh?

Answer 3

Well if you're "afraid you will very soon be involved in a long term affair" keep away! It seems you are putting alot of the blame for this budding relationship on this woman. The harm in sharing a person is that her husband (and your wife) don't KNOW that they're sharing!! I totally understand that it feels good to get attention from the opposite sex, but I think it would be a mistake to take it further than that.

I also think it's a bit two-faced to be all friendly to her husband, then have an affair behind his back. Why would you keep it a secret? For your partners or for yourselves???

Answer 4

You need to be real careful. You are about to head down a road that has only one way, nasty ending. Think on what you would do if your wife did what you are about to do. She will never look at you with the same eyes and you have children. How are you going to explain to them that their mommy and you split up because you were not faithful. If this happened to your daughter would you have the same point of view. Girls marry men that are just like daddy. This is an attraction that you are talking about. You are risking everything for a piece of tail. MY husband did that..We are still married and I have forgiven him, I trust him, but he is no longer my hero. I no longer have that sigh when he walks into a room. Our marriage will never be the same. There is no secret in a marriage. She will find out and you will break her heart and you will loose a friend and you will be thought of as a dog. You know her husband, how will it be if her husband an your wife go it on? Think my friend and think hard.

Answer 5

What's wrong in this is that u feel right in what u r doing but it is wrong on others behalf. Say if u'r wife starts liking some one else and she feels strongly about the other guy &starts caring about him & not u how would u feel at that moment.It's easy to say but hard to do & think about the whole matter. I understand u r feeling guilty some or the other moment. but think the other women whome u love is also married she has her life ,her husband (may be her children).It's right that she has also mistaken but take care that u make her understand & get away as soon as possible. There r Thousands of women towards whom men get attracted so r u going to make relations with all of them. No Right. So think of u'r wife u'r children u'r future .Think positively.
Make u'r wife happy rather than making the other women happy.See that you own a Beautiful Family & Life.

All the best .
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Answer 6

If you go through your question carefully, you should notice (in your own words), "I know this is not right...". Is any opinion/suggestion/analysis really necessary after this? I might try to give my opinion and also explain the same. But wouldn't it be infructuous after you have pretty much decided to disregard and ignore your own conscience?
You want to know, "What is the harm in sharing a person?" (in your own words again). I would say none, if you are magnanimous enough to share your own wife with the other woman's husband or any other man. Your wish to keep your affair a secret is proof enough of the guilt associated with it. But you still want to go through it all the same and are devising alibis which can't stand the test of reasoning.
Finally, to borrow your own words for one last time, "My family life is ok, no major prblms in my marriage". Do you still have a reason to deviate other than blind lust? To bring problems, misery and sorrow on your wife and kids and the husband of the other woman? You really don't need an answer, because you already have one. You only have to decide whether to heed to that or not.

Answer 7

Dude, "Is this wrong? What is the harm in sharing a person? I do not own her and she dosent own me."

No, you do not own her and she doesn't own you. BUT your spouse DOES "own" you in a sense. And your amour's spouse owns her TOO! Review your wedding vows and you'll probably see...you GAVE yourself to your wife and vice versa. Remember the "forsaking all others" part?

Do you REALLY want to hurt your wife like this? Why, do you hate her? Wouldn't she be devastated? What kind of husband are you? She' be better off marrying her enemy. Funny thing is you will BECOME her enemy if you do this.

Plus, as someone else said, would you like it if your wife screwed around? Don't be dippy. And what if her husband owns a gun?

If your conscience were OK with this, you wouldn't be on Y!A asking for help. No one aks for help when things are OK. When things are WRONG and in serious conflict (such as in your sitch) that's when people ask for help like you are now.

You're clearly in conflict...You want her... but KNOW this is wrong. Who hasn't gone through temptations even EXTREMELY intense ones while married?

But in your case it's causing you to question morals I KNOW you believe in. Questioning whether long-held morals are valid is a pretty convenient way of ridding your conscience of any guilt, isn't it? Maybe for now that'll work, but once you see the damage you cause, eventually the guilt won't go away.

Last thing: try using the head that has a brain instead...

Answer 8

some people always end up in doing what they want, forgetting about whether it's right or wrong. and most of the times, it's just about opportunities.
i would do it if i want it, without thinking of the consequences. now since u know from all these answers what are the consequences, if you still feel it's wrong to do it, don't do it. but if u feel the urge to do it and think that u could get away with it, then go ahead and do it!
there is no point in asking such questions to public as everyone has two faces, a public and a private one! most of the men here i'm sure, if got an opportunity like urs, wud def.jump for it! i said most of the men, not all.

Answer 9

OK... here is the truth...
Sure it will be "fun" for you and the other woman...you will actually think you like having secrets... but after a while there is NO way that you are not going to fall in love with her...I mean come on? You are willing to put your everything on the line for what? a few hot times with her? you must have more feelings for her than you are ready to admit...just weigh out all the possible outcomes and if you are still not bothered than proceed... but i will warn you... it is NOT easy to split the human heart and soul between two people it will take it's toll on you and in the end you will figure out that you ended up hurting everyone involved in this situation and guess who you will have **** on the most?? YOURSELF... it would be better to just be honest of course, but im no dummy i know this is nto always possible in REAL life so do what you feel but dont think you are invincible and that you can handle all of what you are about to get into... even the most sneaky people make mistakes ...and it is up to you to decide whether you mind being caught eventually... But mostly all I can say to you is be careful with emotions...they are more powerful than we give them credit for... you will cry yourself to sleep like a little baby more than one night if you begin this affair...I promise you...for one woman or another or for the pain you are causing yourself...if this other woman and you like each other so much...than you both have to be having problems with your marriages even if you dont "think" you are... something must be wrong- it's driving you away from your wife...so be real with yourself and everyone involved...decide why you have lost the strong love you had for you wife when you got together then decide if these feelings you have for the other woman are something more than sexual... if they are than you should stand up for yourself now and divorce her...even if this other woman is not right for you in the end you willof at least been true to yourself and you will find a woman to love you forever but i will tell you this...it;s going to be a lot harder to find someone better than your wife if she is still your wife...youd be surprised how that can turn another woman off ;0) Just look inside your heart for the answer...you dont need the internet to figure this one out :0) Good Luck! and be strong the right road in life is NEVER the easiest...

Answer 10

If this is OK why would you want it to be kept a secret from your respective spouses? even if you can hide it , think about it, what about your wife & kids before you do this thing. If you want a strange pc of A** go to a ***** somewhere or a bar. Don't humiliate your wife and collegue by having an affair right under their noses. This is WRONG, make a good disission for once and leave that thing alone to her husband.

Answer 11

Do you have to ask whether this is right or wrong? Of course it's wrong. I don't know why you can't see the harm in getting involved with a married woman, especially since you're married yourself. You claim your marriage and family life is okay. Are you so bored of it being okay that you're willing to cause problems in it? And contrary to what you think, you can't keep it a secret forever. Sooner or later, signs of your affair will eventually surface. For the sake of your family, I hope you do the right thing and stay away from this woman.