I got pregnant at 16 and had a abortion and now i regret it do you think that was the right thing for me to do

Question

I was dating this boy since I was 15 and he was 18 I got pregnant when I was 16 and he was 19. I wanted tkeep my baby @ first but I didn't really think my bf was ready for the responsibility and my mother was ready to put me out I got my abortion when I was 11 weeks and 4 days, not a day goes by when I dont think about my baby and what I have done. The main reason I got the abortion was because of my family and my mother. Now I beleive that if i would have kept it she would have stayed by my side and learned to except it I was thinking in the moment and not in the future..I know its to late now and i can't change the past but I am curious to know did I make the right decicion???

Answer 1

I just wanted to say to everyone who is berating this poor girl for the decision she made, however wrong you think it is(and it is. I have been there), what she needs is compassion. You self-righteous people need to get over yourselves. Apparently, she has learned her lesson, as did I, and she won't do it again.

Sexy Dyme, my heart goes out to you. Whether or not you made the "right" decision is irrelevant now.

Answer 2

You ask if it was the right thing to do. I believe that at the time you "believed" it was the right thing to do. I suspect that you ask this question because you are not in that high pressure situation anymore and can see things from a different perspective.

I don't think anyone has given you a good answer yet. It is easy to determine whether it was a good decision or not.

There are only a few things that are really relative to the question. Is a baby, before it is born, a human being? If it is a human being, then it is wrong to kill it. If it's not a human being, then do whatever you want.

How do you tell whether it's a human being? Just ask the question, what is different about the baby 1 minute before he/she is born and 1 minute after he/she is born? As someone who used to work as a RN, I can tell you that there is NO DIFFERENCE. This being so, a baby is a human being 1 minute before it's born and it is wrong to kill it.

Since a baby is a human being 1 minute before it's born, then when does he/she start being a human being?

Before Roe v. Wade, the feminists had many arguments about why abortions should be legal. The one the Supreme Court bought, was that if the baby could not live out of the womb on it's own, independently, then it was a part of a woman's body (like a wart or a tumor), was not a human being, and that no state could make an abortion illegal during the first trimester (3 mos.).

One of the problems with that argument was that up untill 100 years ago, a baby could not live outside a woman's body, independently after it was born either. There were no baby bottles and the mother had to nurse the baby with her breasts. Does that mean that up to 100 years ago a baby was not a human being until it could tolerate solid food and that his/her mother could kill him/her if she wanted to? I don't think so.

You could have carried the baby full term, delivered him/her, and then put your baby up for adoption. If your parents would not have let you live with them, there are shelters that would have let you stay there for free untill after you had your baby.

I have not said any of what I have said to criticize you or try to make things harder for you. I truly want you to be able to resolve your guilt feelings, for that is what you have. I worked as a psych RN for many years and know that as long as we are in denial of what really happened, we will never get over it.

You have not done anything that God will not forgive you for. I urge you to a Christian Counseling clinic where you can be counseled by women who have gone through the same thing that you have gone through.

If you go to a secular counselor, all they will say is that it was not illegal, there are no "shoulds", and that you did nothing wrong. If that is what you want, you can just read my last sentence, and save yourself a lot of money.

I think also, that deep down, having an abortion is so against what a woman is, such a denial of yourself, that at your deepest level, you know it is wrong. That the only way to get rid of your guilt feelings, is to admit it was wrong, apologize to God, and be assured that you are forgiven. To to this you are going to need to be with women who are in the same situation. I know that there are abortion support groups but I don't know how to contact them if you are not in Minnesota.

If you would call the office of a large Catholic Church (whether you are catholic or not) I'm sure that they would be able to direct you to a support group for this.

God bless you, He loves you, He will not criticize you, He wants to forgive you, all you have to do is talk to Him and share what is in your heart. All of us make mistakes, think that we are doing the right thing, and later find out that we should not have done what we did. I certainly have.

Answer 3

I really think that you should seek some sort of counseling to help you through this. I'm 18 and I'm 20 weeks pregnant. I could not imagine not having my baby, although at 11 weeks it seems more stressful than exciting, especially with what you were going through.
You had a lot of stress and you felt that there was no way out of the situation. There are other options that you could have used, but it is too late to speculate on it now. You need to seek some counseling to help you move on and keep from feeling so guilty. Maybe you could make a memorial for your baby and that might help you. You could make a certain place the place to go when it is upsetting you and you can go there and talk to your baby or just think about it or whatever and if you aren't there, try not to think about it. Try to make a trip as often as you feel you need to let your anger and sorrow out, it might help.

Answer 4

You should talk to a counsellor since they can hel you through this regret, although there is a chance you may always regret getting the abortion.

As far as whether or not I think you made the right decision, I don't think you did. I suppose a big part of my opinion is because my family and I are against abortions. But also even though you would have gone through many stuggles if you had kept the baby, you would have gotten through it. Babies are wonderful, even though they need a lot of attention. I'm sure your family would have helped you too.

But like I said before, you should get some counselling since counsellors can help you deal with this regret that you feel.

Answer 5

having a baby can be a scary thing at any age. You were only 16 and not able to take care of a baby independantly. When you were 16 you were making that decision. It was right for you at the time. As you reflect, you cannot put yourself at 16 again. I am sure you have grown up alot since.
If not chronologically but emotionally. Do not second guess your choice when you were 16. Go forward and put it behind you.

Answer 6

Don't listen to what anyone has to say would be my opinion. Just pray as much as you can. I think that if you would have kept it everything would have been ok, but like you said it's too late. Just remember no sence in dweling on what's already done, but if it really seems that bad, don't do it again. Live your life and remember everything happens for a reason. God won't give you anything you can't handle. Alot of people have been through abortion and have regreted it, you aren't alone. You seem to care about your family alot, so remember, they love you no matter what, and they still love you even after your abortion.

Answer 7

Yes. I believe we make decisions based on what our situation is at the time and at that time, you were in no way ready for a baby. Of course you're having 2nd thoughts, you're 2nd guessing everything and you feel guilty. It's all normal hon. You filling your mind with "what if's" is only going to stress you out more. Trust in yourself that you did what you felt you had to, be it a moments decision rather than a lifelong one. As you get older too, I'm sure you'll continue to realize if you had to do it again, you may have chosen differently.

Please don't listen to the ignorant ppl who have commented that you were wrong or that you did the wrong thing. They aren't you and don't live YOUR life. They have no idea what choices or lack of options you may have had at that time and they have no right to judge you. I don't believe in using abortion as a birth control method but I do believe that everyone makes mistakes and sometimes abortions are necessary, esp at the age you were.

Answer 8

Well from your post it seems you made this decision because you thought it was what others wanted or would be best for them. So I would say no you did not make the right decision. But you have to live with that choice for the rest of your life. There be times when you see children who are the same age your baby would have been. At least you have remorse.

Answer 9

No, you did not make the right decision because you agreed on killing a life(your own baby's life)but now it's too late, If you ever get pregnant again I hope you will keep the love baby and give him the love you denied to the other baby.I am not here to judge you but what you have done is just unacceptable and even though your mom didn't want the baby she did not have ant rights over it,so you should of kept you baby,but like I said it's just too late.

Answer 10

The decisions you make at 16 are not those you might make when you are older and have more experience . It was the right decision for you at the time as you understood your options. Looking back at things that are done and in the past is not good for you, because you cant go back and change it . The others around you share whatever blame there is for the choice you made.