has anyone had experience with putting a newborn up for adoption?

Question

Im not posting this because it's *necessarily* what I want, or what i've decided to do, but I do want to get some more information. My boyfriend of over 2 years and I have found ourselves pregnant. I am almost 20 weeks along and dealing with the daily emotional struggle that comes with an unexpected pregnancy. I love my boyfriend very much, and we are in a very stable relationship, though neither of us are really financially ready for a child, or emotionally for that matter. We are both 23 years old, and still have some college left. Having a baby would be possible, but difficult. I have gone for an ultrasound, and my baby girl is healthy and thriving. Some days I am excited, and others I wonder if it would be better for the baby, and us if I found her a loving family to belong to. The father is sure that actually keeping this child would be the wrong decision, but he's leaving it up to me of course. We haven't told anyone yet, out of fear I suppose. I just want to know if

anyone here has ever been through a similar situation, and how you ever possibly made this life changing decision. I have already bonded with this baby, and I love her already, and for that reason I only want whats best. I should add that both of us are intelligent, college educated, upper middle class caucasian european descent americans. I know that tons of families are waiting years for babies with these particular qualities. Not to say that babies who do not have these qualities are unwanted, I don't mean to imply that at all. Also, if anyone could add where I could begin my adoption research, it would be helpful. When I first found out, I contacted "adopthelp" and had some info sent to me, but no one has seemed to have heard of them, so I'd like a range of choices, if that is in fact what I decide.

thank you sincerely for the overwhelming response. And for those of you, one person in particular really, who call me a racist, you couldn't be more far off. And for your information, Anglie Jolie, and Madonna are not the norm, in case you aren't aware. All I really want to make clear is that I don't think my child is better than any other unborn child simply because she will be a white baby. Though I think that we as a society much be honest with ourselves. Right, wrong or otherwise newborn babies who are put up for adoption coming from white families are a "higher demand" per se. It's just the way it is, unfortunate as it may be. Before you call me a racist for making such outrageous claims, why don't YOU call an adoption agency, as that's what I've been going through over the last 24 hours. Maybe once your're more educated on the subject you'll be less likely to throw around insults. Again, I really appreciate the sincere, emotional and honest replies. Thank you

Answer 1

I respect your maturity and trust from your questions you will make the right decision. Wanting the best for your child is what matters most. What others think matters not. You have one life to live, make your own decisions. Do what is best for you, your boyfriend and your baby.

Answer 2

I haven't had the experience, but I imagine it would be nearly impossible for you to do this once you meet your daughter. Even if you have your mind made up that you're putting her up for adoption, that's that, that's the final word, the minute, no, the *second* you give birth to her and lay eyes on her for the first time, you'll immediately have a change of heart.

I'm not trying to tell you what to do, but if I were you, I'd keep your child if possible. I don't think anyone is ever financially/mentally ready for kids, but they (myself included) make do.

All women are different and all women react differently to seeing their baby for the first time. Some women are repulsed by the sight of their child(ren) immediately after birth--bloody, pointy head, etc., but grow to love them (this is very normal, btw). Other women, like myself, immediately fell in love with my kids the instant I laid eyes on them.

I think what it really boils down to is, what do you want out of life? What is more important to you? Graduating college and having a career and working on kids later (maybe succeeding/maybe not), or bringing life into this world and loving her every second of the day?

OK, I realize that I really am biased here. I don't know you, but I really want you to keep your little girl. My two boys (just turned 3 and the other, nearly 2) are the light of my life. I can't explain to you how you could ever love a person so much. Sometimes I think about my boys and I want to cry, I love them so much!

Regardless of what you do, I think you made a wise decision to carry this pregnancy to term and give your little girl a chance at a life. If you can't/aren't willing to raise her, there aer (like you said) many childless couples who would be able to give her a good life.

Answer 3

Just remember that hormones are causing your ups and downs about the baby. The saying "Where there's a will there's a way" really fits in this question. If you decided to keep the baby, you will find a way to finish college and a way to handle the financial duties too. Also when you see the baby you heart will swell up with the motherly love, and the thought of someone else taking away and raising your child will infuriate you.
Be careful how you choose and don't forget your hormones are going crazy right now so if I were you I would wait until after the baby is born.... after you and her daddy holds her in your / his arms> and see how you both feel, > BEFORE you sign off any rights to your daughter if you sign before there is no going back. Please wait before you make any decisions, because you need to make the right one. The hormones will not let you do that now. I totally agree with the answer above me!

Answer 4

I would put your child up for adoption before having an abortion so congrats on taht decision. My friend had an abortion rather than having the child and giving it up. Me personally, I am 19 years old and married to 1 year now to my husband who is 22 years old. We have a very nice apartment and both work ( i babysit) and we plan on having a child this coming summer and me babysitting another child w/ my child to make money- and I make 250 a week. So there are choices out there, w/ me only being 19 and all. I would keep your little girl and work on the side while finishing school, there are many people out there who will watch your child for as low at 40-50 a week for full time i've seen thousands of parents do that out of their home. I could never give up a baby- i cna't wait to get pregant this summer and i'm praying for al ittle girl. I recomend keeping her and doing the best you can for the two of you, otherwise you will always regret it- your not a druggie mother whos child will be better off w/ strangers- but a normal mother and father who just have to work things out like every other person in this world- nothing is perfect and theres tons of younger couples doing very well 4 themselves, and my niece and her bf had a baby unexpected at 17 and 18 and they are now 20 and 21 and doing ok and she said she regrets ever wanting to even think of giving her up. I would really think about it for yourself.. your old enough for sex your old enough for a baby, otherwise life wouldnt be as hard if you could just give your children up after doing something thats not their fault. I'm religiuos so thats how I belive, but I hope you make the best descion and not base it on your bf, your parents, your family, your school or your financial well being but that little girl living inside of you and yourself.

Answer 5

I had just turned 19 when I found out I was pregnant. I had actually gotten pregnant on my honeymoon the month before. We were young and crazy and thought getting married would be fun. But when we found out we were pregnant it was a shell shocker. We lived in a one bedroom apartment in the ghetto. My husband and dropped out of college the semester before to pay for the wedding. I wasn't on speaking terms with my family. We were living off a waiter's pay that went mostly towards alcohol and pot. When I found out I was pregnant I thought there was no way I could bring a baby up in that world. We seriously considered abortion or adoption, but the longer the child was inside of me, the harder it was to do. To this day, keeping my child was the best thing I ever did. He is six years old and the light of my life. His father and will have been married for 7 years in June. Actually having a son helped my husband get back in school and I am graduating in a few weeks. We live on the golf course now and have a wonderful life together. I am expecting a baby girl in 3 weeks. There is no way in the world I can imagine a day without my son. Please consider your options carefully. Most people think having a child will burden them, when really they will make life better than you ever thought possible. I was at rock bottom when I got pregnant and I can't imagine the misaerable life I would have now if I had given him up.

Answer 6

Okay, so why not look at open adoption. I don't know if your state or country offers it but look into it. There are families out there that are comfortable with the child maintaining some contact with the birth parent. You would know and even get to be a huge part of picking out the family for your child. It's not an easy to decision but at least it wouldn't feel like it was out of your life completely.

Answer 7

i don't think any body is ever financially ready for a child, but i believe you can make it work, you can still finish college, my mom did, it sounds like you are very intelligent and loving, you are really trying to think this threw and you are thinking about your child first, which is why i think you would be an incredible mother, think it over, giving up a child especially your first, it would always be right there in your thoughts every day , i know it is a great thing i am adopted, along with my 5 siblings, but our parents were young, or crazy or drug addicted, you sound very loving and capable, a child does not need stuff, just a loving mom with a good head on her shoulders, sounds like your boy is sweet, and is backing you, sounds like a great dad, good luck, i hope you decide to keep her, and allow yourself the joy, you deserve it, share your pregnancy, make it real, i'll keep you in my prayers

Answer 8

I am an adoptive mom and have a strong friendship with my son's first mom. Though she believes she made the right decision, and is glad we welcome a relationship with her, it is not without grief and regret for the circumstances he was born under that led her to feel separating from him was best. She loved him when he was in her womb, she loves him now. We love him to pieces and we love her. It's bittersweet for all of us.

I know many first moms who deeply regret their decision to relinquish, and wish they had raised their children instead. Others are content.

Everyone is different in how they handle things, but consider this-if it is mostly financial constraints, chances are this is a temporary issue and you will be in a better position in a few years...adoption is permanent.

Please do a Yahoo search for Brenda Romanchik and read her website and/or books, she has wonderful advice for mothers considering placement (she is a first mom in an open adoption with her childs adoptive parents) and is an awesome person. ETA: link to her page for expectant moms considering adoption http://openadoptioninsight.org/expectant_parents_considering_ad.htm

Answer 9

Well I was raped at 19 and had may baby boy. It was hard at first with the whole situation but he was my son and I always loved him more then anything. He passed away at two years old from cancer and my whole life shatterd. It wont be an easy decision for you but I suggest talking to your family, and seeing what they say. They may be willing to help you out intil you get out of college and start a job.
Adoption though may not be terrible if your family are not willing to help out and you dont think you can handel the situation. just listen to your heart it will lead you in the right direction. Listen to your boyfriend and your family to get suggestions but follow your heart it wont do you wrong.

Answer 10

My cousin was put up for adoption after she was born. My aunt wasn't too responsible so we all knew it would be for the best if she was put up for adoption. She is now 21, and isn't too happy though that her mom didn't "want her". It's good that it would help you out if you can't take care of it and all, but it's a bad thing that the baby could be unhappy later on in life. Everyone is different though.. but try your hardest and do anything you can to keep it. Find support from others, start buying baby stuff now to motivate you. But once you see it in your arms, im sure you'll want to keep it!! Well goodluck, god bless you!!