He is 32 and I am 25. we have two wonderful children. and we have been together for 8 long years. married for 2 of them. I say long years cause we dont get along the greatest..but anyway..our son, almost 7 yrs old, is playing baseball and at the practices or games, if my husband sees someone he knows, he leaves us and goes to them. it is the same way every where we go..where it is a store or whatever. It really gets to me. Because like tonight, at my sons game, my husband took off and was talking to one of his buddies...and missed like half the game..and left me to take care of our little girl who is 3 yrs old and try and vidoe tape the game. I am all for socializing and all, but when he does this all the time and take like 1-2 hours in doing so ...it gets old quick. I have tried telling him how this bothers me and that I wish he wouldnt do so, but he does it anyway. And 3-5 nights every week he takes off and goes to a friends house. I stay home all the time. what should I do?
2007-05-04 15:44:17 · 23 answers · asked by luv my gsd 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Leave him at the field...Just grab your kiddo and head home or somewhere else...When he notice you are gone, he may rethink next time leaving your side...
2007-05-04 17:00:45 · answer #1 · answered by ABBYsMom 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
There is not to much you can do about what he does at the baseball games. You already told him how you feel. Just be there for your son, don't let your husband ruin your enjoyment of watching your son. Your son is old enough to realize Dad isn't too interested in him.
Your other problem about him going out 3-5 nights a week to go to friends houses is easy...YOUR ONLY 25...GET A BABYSITTING WHEN HE IS OUT AND LET HIM WONDER WHY THE CHANGE IN YOUR BEHAVIOUR. The less you say, and the more action you take...the better the response.
good luck
2007-05-04 23:00:05 · answer #2 · answered by keeptrying4sure 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If he's leaving the house that many nights a week, it sounds like he's trying to escape his home environment. Have you asked him why he enjoys being away from home so much? You need to get to the root of the problem. All you can do is tell him how this makes you feel and request that he spend more time with the family. You can control only yourself and how you react to his constant need to socialize with friends.
How about scheduling family time (such as game night or story time) a couple of nights a week and ask him to participate? If you have something definite planned, this will give him a reason to be home. Do you think he feels left out, so he heads over to a friend's house so he can be involved in some kind of activity or have someone to talk to?
Try initiating time with him. If he still refuses to spend time with you and your son, seek counseling.
2007-05-04 22:54:08 · answer #3 · answered by The_Answer 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I have been in the same situation as you, i am 46 and my husband is 32, my advice is to give him a break, the more you complain and ***** to him about these things the worse he will get.another example when i ask my husband to do something for me and if he do not do it right away i will ask again and again every 2 minutes and he says if you do not stop bitching and bugging me i will not do it at all.if i ask once and then wait then he will do it when he is ready, same when we are out he sees someone he knows he will go talk to them for a good while and i am just there but that do not bother me because theres alot of fathers who do not go to their sons practice or games for baseball at all,it takes two people to make a marriage work, maybe you should get a babysitter and take him out to dinner and a movie or something else and try to get some sparks flying and then it may get better with everything else but women who push and are to demanding with their husbands will loose in the end. next time let him go to the game alone with the children and then he will have to take care of them and then you can go to the next game.your husband going off and talking to people he knows for a long period of time during the game is really not as big as a problem as you are making it out to be. I think you and your husband needs time alone to get the sparks flying again, its never to late. good luck and keep us updated.do it asap.
2007-05-04 23:04:03 · answer #4 · answered by maureen s 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
In two words: Family counseling. Obviously, you have told him of your feeling of disconnect. Talk no further, hon. Make an appointment, and ask him to come. If he doesn't, go by yourself. The counselor will give you language to get him in too. He's not taking your concerns seriously.
(The alternative you might try first is for you to do a reversal on him.... leave HIM with the kids, and YOU go talk to some friends for a few times... but understand, guys are pretty thick. My philosophy? Give no more than you get and give what you get..... everything stays balanced that way. Seems to work for us, though I don't know that he knows I do it. We are very happy....My sweetie is always smiling, always bringing me things (food) when we are at parties, receptions... yadadya... because I do that for him.... Haven't had to do the negative stuff yet, but if it comes to that, I will......
2007-05-04 22:52:37 · answer #5 · answered by April 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
What's good for the goose is good for the gander! If he is gone 3-5 nights a week, you take the other days and do the same. When he asks where you went, give him the same response he gives you. If he doesn't like it "NOW" you have a level ground for fabulous communication. Don't waste it talking! Ask hard questions and let him answer and then discuss those answers! Never, never, never list your complaints. Having a list only destroys the communication before it starts. Good luck!
2007-05-04 22:52:27 · answer #6 · answered by delux_version 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
What you can do is "live with it"!!
Lady, thats the way "hubbys" are!
(yea, hate to break the news to you, but, we are "wired differently").
At least he doesnt drink, come home and beat the crap out of you! Be thankful for that much.
When ever a "guy" sees another "guy" they know, they go over and "bond".. its something that guys do! We dont have to talk about anything important, its just males love to chat with other males because we have so much in common!
We talk about work, tools, wives, kids, and everthing under ths sun. We compare lives and families and catch up on "old times". Then we come back and appreciate the woman we married and the kids we have, when we find out that the other guy has the rottenous kids around!!! LOL!! (No, I am SERIOUS ABOUT THIS!)...
He is always going to be this way so, if you dont wise up now and stop nagging him, you may lose that marriage! Be content that you have two wonderful kids and that your hubby doesnt "stray".
I wish you well..
Jesse
2007-05-04 22:51:14 · answer #7 · answered by x 7 · 1⤊ 2⤋
you may try the the following;discuss the matter with a friend couple.
Ask the woman to ask your husband for advice during a visit that you make to the couple what she should do when her husbands spends time socializing with other friends leaving her alone for hours. You should have passive attitude, but you can give her advice and say after your husband has given advice on the subject,"My husband was doing that and he stopped doing is since i told him we miss him and it is a negative experience for his family and that the kids seem to enjoy his presence.
2007-05-05 00:30:16 · answer #8 · answered by Harold H 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
that would be a drag at the game but him taking off all the time is not a good thing sounds like u r raising the kids by yourself, if it were me i would stay home once in a while and let him take the kids to the game, and i would go visit some of my friends when he does go, and when he takes off to his friends hire a sitter and u go out too
2007-05-04 22:51:13 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
a friends house? are you sure about that? i don't know your husband so i wouldn't know what to tell you other than because of your age difference, he's probably looking for other things in his life. maybe you should take a week and beat him to the punch. run off from him to socialize, spend the night at a friends house. let him see how it feels the talk to him about it.. hopefully he'll stop doing that. good luck
2007-05-04 22:50:11 · answer #10 · answered by gabby' 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Leave his sorry ***!!! Sounds like my ex-husband. I have 3 children and when they were all very small my ex did those same things to me.(my children from oldest to youngest are 3 years apart). I finally after 10 long..... years left him. My children were always my first priority and still are and they are almost all grown now and they REMEMBER who stayed with them, went to their activities and took good care of them and now they are very close to me and not close to him that much. I am a very happy person (remarried) and my ex is not a happy person but he still to this day puts his wants and needs before his children.(21 years). So best of luck to you.
2007-05-04 23:03:09 · answer #11 · answered by mom4gr8kidz 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋