What would you say to a Mom who says "I never bonded with my child."?

Question

I would be scared for the child and think the Mom has a mental illness, especially to say this about a firstborn child.

Answer 1

It is true....some women have a hard time bonding with their own children. This is described as a Bonding Block.

The theory is that every newborn child comes into this world with the ability to bond with their primary caregiver. (usually the mother)

If during this bonding time, there are confusing signals given to the infant.... such as neglect, cruelty, or abuse, then the child subconsciously begins to withdraw and even build a fear of attaching themselves to something or someone who is being so hurtful to them. Many of these infants, who grow into adulthood, carry with them that same fear or inability to attach to themselves emotionally to another human being.

So yes.....it is very possible for a woman to not have the ability to attach themselves emotionally to their child. It is believed to be caused by this condition just described above as Bonding Block.

To answer your question: I would be sympathetic toward the mother and encourage her to get help. Let her know that it is unlikely that it is her fault that she has this bonding problem and that help is available.

Answer 2

Just because the Mom makes the remark she never bonded with her child, does not mean she has a mental illness. This just happens some time..

Answer 3

I would say "Then you didn't TRY very hard, did you?"

I was mother of 3 boys by age 22....but bonding was never a problem. Of course, I nursed them......and that makes it a LOT easier. But you have to make an effort to KNOW your children before you bond with them.

For the record, I am now 46, and they are 27, 26, and 25. I must have done something right---their dad divorced me, but they still call, e-mail, and visit ME as often as they can.

Answer 4

There are a lot of factors that would have to be looked at. How old is the child? How hard was the labor? Was the pregnancy difficult etc.? I guess if the child is older than say 6 months, yes I would worry. I would say that the mother needs to go see a doctor.

Answer 5

It is hard to believe such a thing happening but look at all the abortions going on and then how can you not believe that some woman just do not bond with their children. either when they are pregnant or when they have the child.. Sad, because at the end, no money, no jewels, no castles, no career. nothing is more precious than our own child.

Answer 6

How very very sad. That child is missing the motherly bond that is extremely vital for emotional as well as physical growth.
~Maybe the mother needs some help from a support group of some sort~

Answer 7

I would tell her that is very sad and she should do everything she can to change that.

I have told my mother the same thing...I'm pretty sure she is mentally ill, but that doesn't make her incapable of love. I am her first born and she blames me for keeping her tied down to my father for so many years (alcoholic). I have grown to be a very loving woman and her lack of motherly love for me simply made me want to give my kids that much more.

Answer 8

It never seemed that my parents ever bonded with me. It would be good if more people admitted to this instead of making a child to whom they have no attachment suffer.

Answer 9

I would be suspicious of the mother because, in large parts, the parent controls the relationship.

Answer 10

yea, that's a bit strange because bonding happens on the delivery table or even before birth~