How do you find the strength to leave the man that you love?

Question

I have never in my life felt this comfortable with a man like i do him. I lay my head on his chest and i melt into the warmth of his skin against my face. I look at him and see and feel everything that i need from a man. I truely love this man. Here's the problem. I want more and for personal reasons he can't. He says he wants the same things that i do but it can never happen. No he's not married. Problem 2 his social activities come before me 80% of the time. How can golf,poker,bowling be better than spending time with your g/f. I'm lonely and he's fine with 1 or 2 days a week to come to my house late and every other Saturday a date. He says he loves me and when i look into his eyes i see it. This man isn't enough for me but i love him so much. I pray for strength to move on and find what i need. Tears flow from being lonely all too often. This relationship hurts more than it feels good but i can't let go. please help.

Answer 1

How I wish I could give you an answer. I'm going through the same thing myself. We broke up because of his family. We are both in our 40's I just don't understand why you would let your family run your life at this age. I love him so very much and I know he loves me but not enough to go against his family. If you find out the answer on how to make your heart move on let me know.

Answer 2

I can relate to you on this one. You have met someone who makes you feel so comfortable, safe… and can see yourself forever with this person. These are over whelming feelings. Its one hell of a great feeling. Yet you are feeling put aside because he wants his total freedom and expects you to lie and wait for him (not quite how I had wanted to word that). He does love you.. And for some reason puts everything else before you. He probably doesn’t see a problem.

You need that feeling of commitment. Where a lot of time is set aside for you.. Not all the time after all you still want him to enjoy himself you just want more of him.

But you have stated he only shows up at late hours a couple times a week, that also makes a person feel very lonely and kind of used in a way. You’re not good enough to spend a full night with.

Either you tell him this you are wanting and expecting more of his time and he works with it to make you feel more apart of his life. If he truly loves you then he will. After all you hope in his mind he has found the right person. Once you clear the air with him and nothing changes.

Then you need to do what is right for yourself... It will be easier for you too move on.. You did the best you could at being honest with him. Yes it’s going to hurt like a son of a ***** but you have too. Otherwise it will only get worse as time goes by. Rejection is one of the most hurtful feelings to have.

Answer 3

Asking for help here won't help you to make a move regarding letting go of this man or getting out of the relationship. The only thing that will truly help you will be for the loneliness to get so difficult and hard for you that excepting the reality of what needs to be done will come from you without the hurt being the stronger of the two (loneliness or love). Everyone deserves love and there's someone for everyone in this world. It just seems as though this man is not the one for you if he's not willing (without an ultimatum), to fulfill your needs like you do for him in this relationship. So, just talk to him openly and you'll find out from his response about what you need to do. Don't give up on having what you need now for what may be too late to get later. This is being said from one who's been in this situation, and would give anything to change the outcome. I held on way too long, and it's really hard to have someone else in my life.

Answer 4

It's hard - no doubt. But if you feel it would be healthier for you to be out of this relationship, you just have to be tough, and break it off. It might hurt for a while, but after you get through the worst part, you will be thankful that you haven't wasted any more time on a dead-end. It sounds like you are fairly realistic about his priorities and relationship goals - it's the first step. You know you will never be the #1 in his life. There's nothing wrong with enjoying the relationship "as is" - but if you want more, you're not being fair to yourself by settling for much less.

Also, you really have to try and get over being lonely. Keep yourself busy, and don't be desperate for someone to provide entertainment for you. You have to learn to be self-reliant - it will be easier to build healthy relationships when desperation is not one of your motivators.

Answer 5

You make the strength to get away from him. It sounds like he finds time for everything else HE likes to do. Why do you have to be 2nd to everything else in his life?! He knows how much you love him & that you'll always be there for him. He has nothing to loose. Really sounds like you are being used big time. Why should you sit home alone & cry over him while he's out doing what he wants having a good time?! You certainly deserve better than what you're getting. What in the world does he expect of you. For heavens sake if he's not going to treat you decent, YOU treat yourself decent. Start looking for someone else. THEN when he comes or calls the next time, tell him you're sorry, you're just not available. Get out of this relationship & quit wasting your time on something that you KNOW is not going to go anywhere. Stop fooling yourself, admit the truth & move on. Go forward...

Answer 6

Have you ever heard the old saying that goes something like "if you love someone let them leave.. if they come back they are yours.. if not, they never were"? Well, his can work both ways. Tell him your feelings. Ask for a compromise. Explain to him that relationships involve compromise and you are willing to meet him in the middle. If he refuses to compromise then you must leave. Perhaps your distance might make him realize that it wasn't worth losing you and he will seek you out again. If he doesn't then I'm sorry to say but he didn't love you enough in the first place. And not only that but you'd be destined to a life of catering to his whims.
Make your effort fairly and then leave if he refuses.

Answer 7

I completely sympathize with you about not being able to let go. You say he's not married. I wonder if he's a priest. How can we stay in relationships that hurt more than feel good? Are we obsessed? Or just madly in love. One day he might leave you. If you are as in love as I am, that's the only way you can let go. Only if you have no choice. Sorry I can't be more help.

Answer 8

Here is the best advise anyone could giver a girl like you... "Grow Up"... your self centered and immature, you have no idea what you want and your making your self sound like a silly little girl with all that talk. if all your looking for in a "guy" is that he stay by your side like a little puppy then just get a puppy because any young man worth having is going to want to have a life of more then just baby sitting you. besides how boring is a guy with nothing to do but sit and cater to you all day. get out and live girl and find a "Man" to "SHARE" your active life with.... "Geeeeeeeesssss kids these days"......

Answer 9

Lonelyness is so hard.

I sure wished I knew an easy way to tell you, but where you are not married, please do it now. In time someone special will give you what you need as long as you seek it.

I am in the same boat, I wished I knew how. Im married though.

Answer 10

You have GOT to make up your mind. You either love him and he's your world or you love him, but you dont see the relationship going any where...choose.

It sounds like you may be in love with being in love, not really him.