My bf and i have been together for almost 5 years and have a 1yr old daughter. he's always treated me good, and will continue to be a good father even if we break up, but i'm just not happy with him anymore because we have DRASTICALLY different life goals. He's a hometown guy and i want to travel/ live internationally. Tact is not my strong suit, and i don't want to just come out and say that he bores me half to tears. What are some alternatives?
2007-05-04 13:21:03 · 9 answers · asked by misshelly83 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I want to stay here and finish school and work/ live internationally, and he would probably have custody while i was out of the country, for all the judgmental b*tches out there...
2007-05-04 13:54:57 · update #1
I would stay in school for a deg. in languages, and travel internationally as a business/ diplomatic interpreter. while out of country, the baby would stay with him, and i would visit/ be nearby when in the country, not abandon her...
2007-05-04 13:59:45 · update #2
for those of you who say that my ambitions can go down the drain because i chose to bear a child....do you wonder why abortion is so common? would you rather i commited murder???
2007-05-04 14:20:36 · update #3
Sorry, you made your choice to have a child with this man so traveling and living internationally is out of the question. How could you unilaterally make such a decision to take his child out of his life? You need to get a hobby or try to work with him to do more things that you would both enjoy, hometown or otherwise. Cannot figure out why you didn't realize you had different life goals 5 yrs. ago and certainly 1 yr. ago when you got pregnant. Now you on in for the course if you want your daughter to know her father.
2007-05-04 13:48:00 · answer #1 · answered by dawnb 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You should think about these things before you have children with someone.
Tell him. Tell him you think you are better than him. Travel/live internationally, somehow, with a baby and probably no money. How are you going to do that?
5 years from now when you realize what a selfish cow you are being you'll remember asking this question. I feel sorry for your child that you are breaking up a family because of your ambitions.
Get your tubes tied so you don't bring any more children into your wretched world.
EDIT I don't care what you're ambitions are. You're responsibilities changed when you had a child. Your child and family comes first. Dumping a good, responsible (husband??) and father in favor of a dream is foolhardy. If you must leave, let him have the child. He'll be a better father than you will be a mother. Good parents put their children first, and you have no interest in doing so.
You were right about one thing - tact is not your strong suit.
EDIT You continue to demonstrate your selfishness. When you take chances like unprotected sex you need to accept whatever comes of it. Now you have a baby. You could have either given it up for adoption or let him have it. I don't think you get it. That baby is YOUR (and your boyfriend's) responsibility. Your ambitions should have taken a back seat as soon as you found out you were pregnant.
Welcome to life. Keep it real, take care of your responsibilities. If you wish to only live for yourself, stay on birth control and promise nothing to nobody.
2007-05-04 20:48:24 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
I hate to tell you this but he has a say so on if you can leave with your daughter and travel all over the world. You just need to tell him that you are bored and you need some exitment in your life. The grass always seems greener on the other side. If he is a good father it will be very hard to replace someone that is going to love your child the way that he does. I suggest going to councelling or try talking to him about going places and doing things.
2007-05-04 20:26:50 · answer #3 · answered by luvlisteningtomusic 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I think if your going to travel then maybe he should have the child . My ex left me because she wanted to be a drunk .She may be a drunk but she wasn't ignorant and dragged the kid with her and i respect her for that she was looking at what was best for the child . I'm not sure how to be tactful maybe have a threesome or get him a girlfriend before you go what do you care your going anyway give the guy a little happiness before you go .
2007-05-04 20:53:40 · answer #4 · answered by dad 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You are doing him NO favors by sticking around. I suggest you leave the child with him, for if you want to roam around, you will not be able to leave the state with the child. Tell him straight up that it doesn't work for you. There is no tactful way to break up...just do it. The child stays with dad.
2007-05-04 20:50:48 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
I think your life goal was lost when you had a child. It's not fair to the child to be dragged around, especially without her father. Children benefit from stability and both parents. When she's 18, then you can travel.
2007-05-04 20:48:47 · answer #6 · answered by PhantomRN 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
People here seem to be assuming you want to take the child with you. You have not said that and I'm guessing you would be perfectly happy to leave the child with him. Child would be better off with him. I know it sounds cruel to say someone bores you to tears but, I personally know what you mean. You need to leave now before it's too late. Just tell him you have nothing in common and you want to split. He might just welcome it. Then go and leave the child with him.
2007-05-04 20:58:12 · answer #7 · answered by crazywoman88 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
why be tactful?
if you are going to leave him then by definition you do not care
so spare us all the I feel for him drama.. cause you do not... or you wouldn't be doing what you are going to do..
and that's fine if you want to travel internationally
personally I be upset if I was the guy and you were wasting my time....
just say I have different goals and we are not compatible
and then leave
it's really simple to dump someone and not care
because you don't
2007-05-04 20:30:43 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Just leave him you only live once.
2007-05-04 20:37:13 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 2⤋