months ago but he continues to call once a week to see if I am ok and if we can still be friends.I dont understand why he continues to call me when I dont return his calls and he has not once asked me to come back or that he is sorry for the hell he has inflicted on me and my son over the years..Any thoughts??
2007-05-04 13:08:46 · 12 answers · asked by ? 4 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Oh and my son is not his so back off to the jerk that dissed me , I bet you are an abuser too..
2007-05-04 14:13:24 · update #1
It's a need that never goes away. It's because you were in the relationship, you did put up with his crap, you took the steps to leave, and move forward into a less chaotic life. He wants to be in on your life because it's less chaotic. His life is not normal, he wants your life of serenity, a chance at a life of normalcy. Can you imagine? Just to be normal....
Don't answer his calls, ignore any immature actions, threats, etc....it's his frame of mind that is nothing more than a shattered mirror. He wants what he truly can't ever have....unless he got help. Even then, would he be the same? If he did try...how long would it last, and could you handle waiting for the other shoe to drop? He has NO idea why he should be sorry, your the one who left. Would you really want to be friends with someone like him knowing how he treated you? If it was one of your friends asking you for advice, what would your answers be?
2007-05-04 18:14:45 · answer #1 · answered by Pixie48 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yes, I have several thoughts. If you stayed for so many years (but I notice there was no marriage) I imagine he thought you would tolerate the abusive relationship...without marriage even...for as long as he found you useful to him. Another thing that comes to mind is how good for both you and your son that you finally left. I doubt if he IS sorry he treated you so badly but he's probably sorry he doesn't have you to abuse any more. And a verbally abusive alcoholic is one step away from being physically abusive and a danger to you and your child. He probably doesn't have a long line of women wanting to be next. I would block his number; not reply to any communication from him, and move on to better things!
2007-05-04 13:28:03 · answer #2 · answered by missingora 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Evidently he's not taking the change well.
You did a brilliant thing by moving on. Please continue to do so. I'm sorry your son witnessed the alcohol and verbal abuse for so long, you did the right thing for you both.
It's time to block the ex's number. Choose to stop wanting an apology, even though you're due one. You've given yourself the best gift: freedom.
Good luck with your new life!
2007-05-04 13:17:01 · answer #3 · answered by lmerrittaz 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I would just answer the phone, and have a talk with him, close all the loose ends, and maybe it will bring closure for him. Im so sorry for what you have been through...i myself have been through and abusive relationship before and i cant believe i am still here to talk about it. You are a strong woman and your son is strong too. Try and go out and enjoy your new life, live with no regrets, and just keep moving forward...
2007-05-04 16:43:37 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
He NEEDS you...you are his crutch or other addiction. Do not take anymore calls. Get caller ID and block him. If you do answer and its him say very firmly "do not contact me again" and hang the hell up.
Its hard to let go...even with an abuser. Don't let your human compassion get the better of you.
Be strong for you and your son...you are, afterall, going to be teaching him how to treat women and how to have adult relationships.
2007-05-04 13:19:08 · answer #5 · answered by Lotus Phoenix 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He is trying to keep your firmly anchored to the past so that you will be unable to move on into your future without him. If simply not taking / returning his calls is not enough for him to get the hint that you are not interested in hearing from him, you may need to look into a restraining order.
2007-05-04 14:11:01 · answer #6 · answered by Liz 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
change your number
get it unlisted
or better yet
get rid of the land line
get a cell phone with called ID
now my question
what made you stay with him for those 6 awful years
part of that is your fault
he may have been bad
but you CHOSE to stay there.. why ?
2007-05-04 13:27:41 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Good for you for leaving. He has to get help in order for him to see what damage he has done to you and your son. He probably knows that he done some things to hurt you but does not really realize the damage he has caused. He needs AA in order to figure that out.
2007-05-04 13:22:53 · answer #8 · answered by luvlisteningtomusic 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Maybe he's looking for another way to control you...I'd be careful if I were you. You have made a great move by leaving him, make sure he doesn't get you under his grip again.
2007-05-04 13:22:20 · answer #9 · answered by Jax 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like he is respecting your decision. There is nothing wrong with wanting to be friends. Are you upset that he hasn't come back begging?
2007-05-04 13:19:16 · answer #10 · answered by Truth Hurts 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋