my wife is stressed and it is affecting our brand new marrige, please help!?!?

Question

Me and my wife got married on March 3rd 2007 and were very happy together, now that there are bills involved and we are both working she is very stressed and it is affecting our relationship as friends, she seems very irritable with me sometimes and she blames it on stress. Our love life has also been affected by this stress, at first I thought she had cheated (i let my imagination go sometimes) but she very confidently assured me this was not the case and I trust her. She said it was due to her new job and the bills, she said she worries day to day about the bills we have to pay and is behind at work. I love her very much and i help around the house alot, we mutually clean and do laundry, i do the dishes cause she thinks it is nasty, I take care of the pets, I mow the Lawn, I take out the trash, I also vacuum and sweep all the time, this does not bother me though all i want is for her to smile and be affectionate towards me. I want my beautiful caring wife back, this is making me sad.

thanks for all the answers so quickly! I will try to answer some of all your questions. ok, all the bills are on time, we have a good amount of disposible income, we are very young, we just bought a house, she is a foreign patent coordinator at a IP law firm, I am a Applications engineer for software company, the only debt i have that she doesnt is a car note, we are so close, we never do anything without each other, we do work long hours, we do have a lot of bills (most are small though), I love her more than anything in the world, I think she feels the same, and i always talk to her about thing that go through my head, I always ask what can i do to make you happy, i just took over the checkbook yesterday. She is the submissive on and i am th passive one, We had been having sex 3-4 times a week but that slowly dropped of, and in my defense that is not the only time i get physical with her, i am a very hugs and kisses type of guy. I love to hold her and kiss her but she feels distant

Answer 1

This question hits very close to home hell you sound like my husband if u are i ain't mad at cha, anyway,, I am also a newly wed, and since we got married I too have been overly stressed, Sex is not a option when a girl has so much on the brain, Hell with the price of gas being at burglar prices and everything else,, New baby, car notes, Mortgages, etc the damn list goes on-and on, My husband also does a lot of the house work, cooking etc, and I'm so depressed that I sleep alot, don't get me wrong I love him but It just didn't seem this hard before we were married.Its not about how much cleaning your doing, The house work Will not stop her depression whether u do it or not, Its something inside of her, If she is like me,, she is probably laying awake at night playing sleep if your awake,, thinking about whats worrying her so. you say you both work,, that's good but can u truly afford everything that's going on in your house hold,, that can be the problem,, If you can't It might be time to take a look at how your living, cut back on what u don't really need, and try talking about the things that you can pick up financially to ease her mind,, so that she won't have to worry about it, I feel the more financially responsible the Husband is the happier the Wife Becomes..
The best of luck to you.. I hope that my stand point helps u with your wife
peace and blessings..

Answer 2

My husbad and I are also a new couple. We have the exact problem that you have. Money, stress, issues, those things are completely within your control. My husband is not rich so we both have to work too. First of all we talk. We are so honest to each other. We're like bestfriends. The problem that you're having is very small. All you need to do it have the time to sit down and talk about your issues. Never blame one another for anything. You both have to want to resolve the main problem. Not money, not the bills. Find a common ground. If you're able to make her understand your concern and tell her exactly how you feel and what you think the solution is, then for sure she will be willing to work on it. You have to remind her that YOU ARE A TEAM. Whatever problem she is having you have to make sure she realizes that youre there to help her. Ask her to not leave you in the dark. Because the main reason that you're together in the first place is because you love each other.

Answer 3

Sit down and work on a household budget. Once you've got this down on paper redistribute the workload at the house. Turn some of the chores back over to your wife in exchange for you taking care of paying all of the monthly bills. Get your monthly bill paying routine streamlined and your budget in check. After this is done and things are running smoothly you can reintroduce your wife your new world of household economics. Begin showing her how your system works and by this time you should have a lot less stressful marriage. Some people just are not cut out for that type of work and her talents could probably be more beneficial in other areas.

Answer 4

Since you're having financial problems I can't suggest counseling. I see you have the essentials down- helping around the house and things like that congrats to you!!

MONEY: Sit down and figure out how much money you have. The money you have is not your paycheck. The money you have is what's left after you finish paying your bills. In my home I run the money, but I do it responsibly. I don't drive the SUV when we have no money to fill it up- save $80.00 I cut coupons EVERY Sunday and use them in "double coupon" stores- save $25-$50 eat out once a week things like that and find hobbies that are less expensive and involve you two getting a little closer. The point is having this extra money is insurance of lowering your stress level. Sit down with her and think of some things that you could sacrifice.

JOB STRESS: When she comes home from work talk to her. Tell her to sit down and take her shoes off. Ask her how her day was (and listen!!!!) what you could do to make her feel better or make the day a little easier. Have her a bath running when she gets home - this will also have an impact on your sex life.

"Women need affection-hugs, kisses, handholding backrubs BUT NOT SEX. These physical actions only seem like love if they have nothing to do with sex. If a husband seems to be interested only in sex any wife is going to feel used.

Honesty Openess Communication wives need to understand their husbands lack of communication but they don't have to settle for it. Communication is the lifeblood of any relationship and the husband needs to step up to the challenge.

Commitment to the family Generally a woman feels comforted and loved when her husband spends meaningful time with (her and) the kids."

This comes from the wonderful Christian and marriage counseling book that saved my relationship "Sex begins in the Kitchen by Dr. Kevin Leman" If all else fails buy some books and read into it. Try the Christian or Bible section, they are the best marriage books and you'd never guess how kinky.

Answer 5

Honeymoons maybe over but you and your wife are facing real life. You say she is trying to hang on a new job. This is one of the hard times she has to face. Bills are coming and both of you need to balance your finances. Sure your thinking, this is easy for you to say. I've had perfect credit most of my life. I also know what it is to owe more than you can pay. Do the best you can. And try not to beat yourself over it.
Fights:
No. 1, arguments over money cause more strain on the marriage than anything else. It causes more stress on a marriage. Then children is second; 3rd. is you and wife arguements over church. So you see, your not alone. This was a poll, they learned what the leading causes were for not getting along with a spouse.
Give her time to get real acquainted with her new job. She has to learn it, also she may feel inferior and having a hard time learning her job and is taking it out on you.
Regardless she can't help it, unless she has counseling. Further more if she doesn't begin to enjoy her job, she probaly is needing to change her field in working.
Let up on yourself about making her happy, if it is causing you to be stressed out. You sound like a great catch.
Know your not alone.

Answer 6

This sounds like I'm trying to be rude, but I'm not. Let her have SOME of the chores. My god man, sharing duties is one thing, sounds like all she has to do is stress. Believe it or not, an idle mind is more likely to stress than a busy one. You sound like a sweet guy and I think you might be accomodating her poor behavior a little too much, ya know? They are your bills too, and a lot of people are stressed at work. Once in a blue moon being a little up tight is a reason, sounds more like she's using it as an excuse. I hope it improves for you.

Answer 7

I think the very best thing you can do for both of you is ensure the lines of communication are open (ANY time in ANY relationship--but especially if you want to have a successful marriage).

It sounds as if you are doing your share by listening to her concerns and trying to help with household chores. Perhaps you could take some quiet time with her and sit down to express your feelings. Tell her you miss your formal level of intimacy. Express "I am sad, when ______. " Let her know you are worried. Ask her if there is something more you can do to ease her mind.

It sounds to me as if you are heading in the right direction by being aware. Now, the question you posed to us, ask her :) Congratulations on your wedding. I hope you have MANY happy years of marriage together.

Answer 8

Maybe you should ask her why she feels she has to take so much upon herself. You said that you both work...so why is she stressed out??? Does she feel like she makes more than you and must therefore support everything herself???? Other than that you seem to be a very caring husband. By the way...what sort of work does she do??? That could explain some of the stress...

Answer 9

Assess you bills situation. Do the two of you make enough to sustain your current level of living? If so, then you need to manage your money better, or find out where the money is going.

If you do not make enough, then you need to find ways to cut back. Cable TV, and cel phones should be the first extras to go, unless you use your home line less, then make the cel your primary. Can you carpool to work or bike or walk? Buy less expensive brands of food. Pay off loans, and don't borrow money unless you have to.

Manage your combined money better, set up a budget, stick to it, and save for your future. Knowing you will be ok (fininically ) is a huge load off.

Answer 10

It would be a good idea for the two of you to sit down and discuss your income and outgo. See if there is enough income to pay the bills with money left over.

If you are spending as much as you are earning, then see where you can trim the budget.

If you work on it together, she might feel better. Especially if she sees the numbers.

Sex and money are the two leading causes of marital problems and divorce. Talk to her.