He is very controlling, doesn't want to do anything, disrespects her, and has her brain washed to believe that it is alright that he be like that. She is a very bright girl, and is a really good person within, but right now she is making a very dumb decision. With him, her future is going no where. She does not want to listen to anyone's advice. You know how stubborn teenagers can be.
2007-05-04 08:49:47 · 25 answers · asked by jfiresports 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
More than likely you will not be able to change her mind.
2007-05-04 08:53:18 · answer #1 · answered by Jewells 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Unfortunately you don't...
Everyone knows love is blind, however someone forgot to mention it's also deaf, dumb and sometimes stupid...
All you can do is be there to help her when she realizes she is with the wrong person and no matter how much you want to don't say "I told you so."
In fact use a bit of reverse psychology find something indearing about the boy..( I know not so easily done sometimes) something small like how he does his hair or his sense of clothing style... Mention it to your neice make her think you like the boy... Nothing turns a teenaged girl off a boy faster than her family liking him...
When I was 16 I dated a real piece of work, he was controlling, obnoxious, rude and sexist (women should be seen not heard)... Everytime my family said anything bad about him I rebelled further gatting more and more caught in his web of lies.. Finally my aunt started inviting him to family events she talked about how lovely his leather biker jackets and greased back hair were.. Pretty much she started liking him (EWWWW!!!) A bad boy is no longer a bad boy when the family accepts him and the allure quickly wears off...
Give it a try....
2007-05-04 09:07:48 · answer #2 · answered by Diane (PFLAG) 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Teenagers are strange to think that they know it all, but somehow their brains are wired that way…believe me I know, I have two of them. First of all I think she it way too young to marry, she’s still kid with a lot of growing up to do! But the fact remains that she still wants to marry this supposed loser that is no good for her! I would suggest if possible having your church counselor and family members talk to her and make her aware of your feelings if you haven’t already. I would also suggest that you have a serious talk about what marriage truly is and what it means. She’s giving up a lot of experiences and self finding moments by committing herself to this boy that acts like a child. You could also try temping her to take a vacation with the “girls” only for a week or two and maybe she’ll understand on what she’s going to miss out on! I really hope that you’re able to make her see the light, but then again she’s a teenager and only focused on one thing.
Good Luck!
2007-05-04 09:51:18 · answer #3 · answered by CJ 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I will say this is why NOBODY at that age has any business getting married--they haven't the life experience to know that is not how realtionships are supposed to be, and all the self assured ********* that goes with young adulthood-she knows everything!
I would state my position, then leave it at that. Don't let her drift out of your lives, as I'm sure he would love! That's a recipe for disaster. If she knows you'll be around, no matter what, she'll go to you when she gets tired of being the punching bag...physical abuse isn't far behind for her it seems...
2007-05-04 09:15:14 · answer #4 · answered by melouofs 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Unfortunately, she will need to find that out on her own and that will most likely be after she has already married the guy. The best thing for you to do is be there for her. If you continue to put down the man she loves you may end up pushing her out of your life. Love makes you do crazy things and she seems to be head over heels for this guy if she stays with him even though he is the way you say he is. I wish your niece the best of luck and hope everything turns out ok.
2007-05-04 09:10:52 · answer #5 · answered by #1 Lucy Fan 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Maybe you could give her a gift certificate of a marriage education class... or if that's not feasible, how about the book "365 Questions for Couples" by Michael J. Beck, Seanna Beck, Stanis Marusak Beck (Paperback, 1999), or any other couples compatibility books... You can find some resources at the below website.
2007-05-04 08:58:11 · answer #6 · answered by Dena 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
sorry to hear about your neice's fiance`... i think 17 is a little young to be engaged or jumping into marriage...
sometimes people who are needy, codependent or have low self-esteem find themselves with a boyfriend like the one you describe. your neice likely has more issues than just a bad boyfriend.
most girls i know who have some pride in themselves wouldn't be caught dead with a man like this.
your neice won't likely listen to anyone else's "advice", and unless she asks for it, it's probably not wise to give unsolicited advice... it only makes for hard feelings.
let her make her own mistakes and choices. hopefully, things will work out in the end.
take care of YOU in the meantime....
2007-05-04 09:34:51 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Make sure she is using Birth Control and stand back back and let her fall on her face.
Gravity will take hold of a bad relationship and eventually it WILL crash. As long as there are no kids, who cares. They will divorce and she will move on a wiser person......
This really isn't an issue for you to worry about, but BIRTH CONTROL is probably a good idea to push... If she is smart, she will get the message....:-)
2007-05-04 08:58:09 · answer #8 · answered by flyfish_777 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
It is up to her to find out on her own. People warned me about my husband and i am realizing what the meant. Of course I couldn't see it because I was in love.
Don't get me wrong I love my husband, but if I knew then, what I know know I wouldn't make the same choice.
2007-05-04 09:02:32 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Unfortunately, there's no way to get through to her if she doesn't want to listen. She will have to learn the hard way; experience is the best teacher. Lets just hope she will take advantage of the modern contraception techniques.
2007-05-04 08:56:49 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
Sorry to say but she's not going to listen. You have to make your own mistakes to learn from them. Let her know your concerns, but the minute she turns 18, she can do what she wants.
2007-05-04 08:59:35 · answer #11 · answered by Clever_Cat 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋