My daughter turns 15 tomorrow. She lives in another state with her Dad. I gave him custody during the divorce.
He moved due to job reasons and left her in his mother's care. I went to stay with them for a few weeks, but could not adjust to his ways and stay longer.
I sent her some things for her birthday. I just spoke with her and she was very angry with me. I left the house when she was at school and did not tell her that I was leaving.
She said that she is managing okay. I have not called her since I got back. I have been e-mailing and checking her status on Facebook.
She is right to be angry with me. I know I deserved whatever reaction I got from her.
I can't deal with myself though. I know my actions were wrong and I don't deserve to be forgiven. I should have somehow sacrificed my comfort for my child. She is not doing well in school now either.
I have asked my ex-husband to send my child to me and he does not agree.
2007-05-04 08:01:12 · 11 answers · asked by Stareyes 5 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
You need to find a therapist who can help you deal with yourself first. Especially if you feel you've done something unforgivable.
Only when you can deal with your own self-worth and feelings of being an inadequate mother, will you be able to deal with your daughter and her feelings about you.
If you don't love you, who will?
2007-05-04 08:09:27 · answer #1 · answered by LB 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You have to admit that your track record with your child and your husband is rather poor. So why would your husband let his daughter go back to you?
In cases like this, the best present you can give a child is a simple card with a message of love but doesn't open old wounds. Don't defend your actions or express your regrets. I bet she will keep the card for a long time and cry over it alone.
2007-05-04 15:24:46 · answer #2 · answered by Sir Richard 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I don't care what your situation is, you should never let it wedge in between you and your daughter. I hate to say it but she has every right to be angry with you. You could at least waited until she got home and talked with her b/f leaving. It is just the duties of a mother. A mother suppose to communicate with her daughter and if she doesn't do that, how do you expect her to do that to you. How can you ask your daughter to communicate to you, when the mother is not giving her the same. Think about it. It appear to me that she is hurt just b/c of that one thing that you didn't do and that is say goodbye. For her sake, no one elses! Just go back and talk with her and this time tell her goodbye. For your daughter sake, please.
2007-05-04 15:24:47 · answer #3 · answered by jetta 3 · 0⤊ 2⤋
you need to do whatever you need to do for your daughter. if it is easy for you or not. your daughter is a young girl who needs her mom. suck it up and be there for your daughter. after the next couple years when shes older you are free to be you! but right now if you mess up her life by being absent that will stay with her for years and her life might always be messed up. what is 2 or 3 years of your life to dedicate to your daughter so that both her and you can have peace later that will last far more than the 2-3 years you are inconveniencing yourself now
2007-05-04 15:10:18 · answer #4 · answered by WORKING OLDER SMARTER BLONDE 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If u can't deal with yourself how can u possibly think u can deal with your daughter?
I don't understand people I really don't. When you have a child it stops being your life and becomes their life. U do not live just for you anymore. Same with a marriage. Yes you have to take care of yourself and try to be happy otherwise you can't make them happy. But the ultimate goal should allways be their happiness not your own. Making them happy should make you happy.
Why do you want her back? And will having her with you be in her best intrest or yours?
Sounds to me like she was doing better before u got involved again. Maybe You should just layoff. I am not trying to be mean but come on. If you really cared so damn much you wouldn't have given her up in the first place. And yes you may think yourself at a point where you could and can take care of her. And yes we all deserve a second chance but its not up to us if we get one its up to them. We can not force ourselves on to them. They have to come looking for us. Tell her or write her and say, That you love her and that you are there for her if she wants you but that you are not going to push her. If she wants to be with you then all she has to do is say so. But if she wants you to leave her alone you will. That its all up to her. Put her in charge let her make her own decisions. And if she asks questions be honest and forward. And maybe just maybe she will come around. Good luck.
2007-05-04 15:23:51 · answer #5 · answered by Vinny 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
She does have every right to be angry. If you want her back you will probably need to get a lawyer if you want to get her back , but she is of age to make her own decisions ., so the judge will take into consideration that also. I wish you both the best of luck and hopefully you can rebuild your relationship
2007-05-04 15:06:33 · answer #6 · answered by luckygirl 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Talk with her like you just did on here. At 15, I think she can decide where she should live, in court. You can plant the idea of starting over with you. Make sure that you are consumed with guilt though, she will only take advantage of that.
2007-05-04 15:07:27 · answer #7 · answered by Me 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I'm sorry but that's just bad parenting. What kind of mother leaves her child without even talking to her before leaving??? You need to pack up and move to her. She needs you. And you're right, you don't deserve to be forgiven.
2007-05-04 15:06:14 · answer #8 · answered by #1 Lucy Fan 4 · 2⤊ 2⤋
Your all messed up how could you leave her without saying good bye in person? If you really want your daughter take her dad to court!
2007-05-04 15:08:08 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
What you did was wrong, yes, but you did not go into detail as far as what were his ways that bothered you so much that you had to leave.
2007-05-04 15:11:33 · answer #10 · answered by prodigychild_21 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋