my new husband and I have just celebrated our 1st year anniversary. I thought things would just sort of level out, but their getting worse. He had an image in his mind of who and what kind of person I was, and is disappointed that I'm not the fantasy he emagined. I'm ten years younger than him and I really want to make this work. I have 4 boys in two elementry school who live with their dad and one high school and 1 in middle school wich lives with us, and his kids have are in or graduated collage , I'm worried he just dosen't want to start it all over again espesially if I get custidy of my younger boys back. I just need some advise to get our lives on track so to speak.
2007-05-04 07:55:43 · 13 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
money isn't an issue.
2007-05-04 09:11:06 · update #1
dosn't want counceling, any ideas to encourrage the idea without big fight
2007-05-04 09:12:52 · update #2
hard to know, where did he get this false impression of you? I think maybe some men just invent this fantasy of a woman themselves if she is younger than them, they see them as the "hot lover" rather than the wife, mom, cook, housekeeper type that we all are in reality. He needs a reality check, he aint living with a playboy bunny, he is living with his real wife who can be sexy, and still get the laundry done and get the supper on the table...
2007-05-04 08:02:53 · answer #1 · answered by just me #1 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Blended families take special parenting skills.... I have 4 kids, so I know what you are dealing with . I remarried a year and a half ago, so I think I understand your situation.
Get into a counseling program or support group that can give you some new tools in order to parent better. Blended families are tough.
You have 4 kids. No matter what the age, they are a handful, and they wear you down...:-)
You absolutely have to make you and your husband's relationship the top priority. DO NOT FEEL GUILTY ABOUT TAKING TIME TO BE NEWLY WEDS, FRIENDS, LOVERS, and to have FUN!! If you don't take time to care for each other as a couple, it will never work.
The kids will be fine as long as you show a united front on everything and are consistant. If you have a disagreement on how to parent, then go to a private place and discuss. Don't do ANYTHING until you both agree that it is what you want to do.
Don't sweat the small stuff. Parenting is an art, not a job and there are no firm rules that I know of . With my kids, these are some of our parenting guidelines. They seem to work....
1. Learn to say NO.
2. Parents are not running a democracy.......Look at it as a benevolent dictatorship. (kids get to voice their opinon, but they never get a vote)
3. Give kids choices and make them live with the consequences of their actions. Do not be "helicopter parents" that always swoop in and save their kids at the last second..... It is better to learn humility and how to deal with failure early in life :-)
4. TURN OFF THE TV!
2007-05-04 08:14:52 · answer #2 · answered by flyfish_777 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well, I can approach this two ways. I was a middle aged bride. I registered as well. Nothing major. I didn't go for the $200 a place setting china. I registered for nice every day dishes, new sheets and bedroom stuff like comforter and pillows. Towels, hand clothes, etc I too had everything and so did my fiance but it was nice to start out with new stuff just for us. I pretty much kept it simple. A few pieces of silver service and some cast iron but mostly everyday things to start our new life together. Now on the other hand as professional wedding photographer I was intrigued with the honeymoon/travel registries. At my studio when I sign a wedding I give the bride registry cards that she can use. Friends and family buy the gift for what ever amount and I give them a certificate toward photography. The couple can apply to the balance of their wedding package or use for additional wedding pictures and products like parents albums, wall portraits and frames. Most of my brides enjoy this. I think the travel or other vendor registry is a great idea.
2016-05-20 06:30:07 · answer #3 · answered by ? 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He married someone 10 years younger. But he soon found out that he married a mother of 4 boys and still has ongoing issues with her kids. From his point of view, it is NOT he who doesn't want to start it over because it would mean both parties are free of issues. I think he found himself involved in an expanded circle of never-ending dramas.
And on the reality side, which you didn't mention, money is always an issue. If he is footing your bills and supporting your kids, then he will not feel too good about it. It depends on how much he knew going in.
One angle of culture is match or mismatch of education. If he is far more cultured or educated than you, it is also an issue that presents itself in his social circle.
2007-05-04 08:12:37 · answer #4 · answered by Sir Richard 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Communication.
If you had been very candid with each other from the beginning he wouldn't have developed a false idea of who you are. You have to be totally honest with him about the potential situation here. It's only going to work if you both want it to. You need to start talking to each other and if you're not getting anywhere, go to a therapist.
2007-05-04 08:00:35 · answer #5 · answered by LB 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
There's a lot of assuming going on here. Why don't you sit down with him one night and get this all out, let him know what you're feeling and why? You may find out you're wrong; if you find out you're right, then you can make the next step of getting marital counseling.
2007-05-04 07:59:51 · answer #6 · answered by *huge sigh* 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
What is the culture shock you speak of? I didn't see any. Above the box that you write in (on here) is the place where you click to find the spelling errors you have made. Would you please click that area before you submit any further info?
2007-05-04 08:05:04 · answer #7 · answered by ? 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If he knew about the kids before the marriage, then he knew what might happen. He needs to accept the situation or move on!
2007-05-04 08:00:37 · answer #8 · answered by tinymite 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your children must ALWAYS come first in your life. If he will not, or can not accept your children, whether living with you or not, you need to divorce him and make a home for your children. Situation getting worse - leave it!
2007-05-04 08:01:21 · answer #9 · answered by NAN G 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i'm not sure what "fantasy" you are talking about... what does he think you should be? Betty Crocker?
if he doesnt want to start over, then he will divorce you
get into some marriage counselling
2007-05-04 07:59:34 · answer #10 · answered by bronzebabekentucky 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋