I'll try to be brief. I got a call from his HR dept at work asking me if I knew where he was, if he was sick etc.. Apparently he hasn't shown up for work since Monday and will be fired. I'm so upset, I know he hates his job so much (sales) b/c he has to follow up on alot of paperwork and has to meet a quota but he also know we desperately need his extra income. He would get up and get dressed like he was going to work. He picked up the kids from school at 2:30 this week saying he was on the "field" so he had time & i notice the house looked messy when i got home like he was there all day . l'm hurt b/c this aside he's a great dad and seemingly good husband. When I told him about the HR call he said it was a mixup with regard to voice mail and he spoke to his boss (whom I spoke to today and said this was a lie and she hasn't heard from his since last week). I hate him so much for doing this to me and our kids. I'm blinded with our years 2gether any help is appreciated. Thank you.
2007-05-04 07:47:17 · 14 answers · asked by Angie 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
stick with him dont back him into a corner just say if u quit ur job just tell me and we will figure it out.... dont bring the kids into it YET!!!! maybe follow him to see where he goes GIVE US AN UP DATE OK
2007-05-04 12:03:22 · answer #1 · answered by reba 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You should talk to him and be as supportive as possible. Income isn't "everything" but it's very important... Unless you guys have plenty of money saved up and can live off of that until he finds another job, then he needs to work. Over half the people in the workforce do not like/love their jobs, but they do what they have to in order to fill obligations. If you do not like your job, running away and not going to work is not the mature way to handle it. Lying about it is not the proper way either. It's not you that he's afraid of, otherwise his job would also know where he is. I think you should sit down talk to him, being as open as possible, and help him figure out what it is he would like to do. Don't wait until it's too late and he doesn't have a job... that will create an even bigger problem. On the second hand, how is his job able to disclose private information like that?? that sounds a little odd to me... Anyway, good luck
2007-05-04 08:26:34 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Many married people feel like a failure or like they are failing the one person they really don't want to fail.
Many times lies are not spoken to simply cover up the truth. Rather, many times lies are used to prevent hurt and/or humiliation--real or perceived.
It appears, from what you have typed, that he is depressed. Being critical will not help solve this problem, so don't point out the obvious.
Sit him down and let him know you love him and will support him. Perhaps suggest he get another job to make his work environment a better and happier place, if this is economically possible.
Suggest couples counseling to improve communication and to help each of you realize the 'important' things that often get overlooked as life 'goes on.'
2007-05-04 08:02:09 · answer #3 · answered by sleel_dew 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
This sounds like the symptoms of someone on the verge of a mental breakdown. If he's getting pressure from you to provide but can't bring himself to work anymore.
He's lying about it but he's probably too embarassed to admit there is a problem (as us men are expected to be good providers, husbands and fathers before our own needs).
Maybe a little understanding will go a long ways right now, if you push him on being a bad provider or imply it he might just snap and walk away or lose it.
2007-05-04 08:05:03 · answer #4 · answered by Zaferus 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Thats a tough one. I don't want to sound bias, because I am a guy. If he is a good husband like you say, and this is unlike him, then he is obviously really mixed up right now. Although it is hard you should really try to be there for him now. He needs you more than ever even though he is lying to you. The thing is he IS your husband. I feel bad for you, I am sure it is really stressful. You should try to be as upfront with him as possible. Let him know you know the truth, and you are there for him.
Good Luck
2007-05-04 08:14:56 · answer #5 · answered by bjfb52 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If your husband hates his job, then he needs a new one. It is really simple.
Sit him down and ask him what would make him happy in life. Then as a couple figure out how to make it happen!!!!
He has needs that are not being met. Staying in a unhealthy relationship or in a job you hate is like being in prison. Sit down with your husband, have a brutally honest conversation and move forward in a postive way to make things better for every one!!!
2007-05-04 07:54:51 · answer #6 · answered by flyfish_777 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I would be upfront with him. (My ex did basically the same thing to me and it was the first in a loooong string of lies)
Tell him that you already know the truth and you are very disappointed that he didn't trust you enough to be honest with you.
Tell him you understand that he was very unhappy with his job and that you couldn't blame him for quitting if you were in his shoes.
Ask him what prospective jobs he has lined up, because the security of you and his family depend on it.
Let him know that you expect complete honesty from now on and that any further lies will be subject to separation from him as your spouse, separation from his children and up to and including divorce. Let him know this is serious business and that you don't appreciate being toyed with.
The foundation of love is trust and if you don't have that, you have nothing.
2007-05-04 07:59:45 · answer #7 · answered by Amy 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like he's afraid to talk about this situation with you in fear that you will nag at him & fight with him instead of support him & maybe he's embarassed about it. Regardless, his job or manager shouldn't be calling you & talking to you about it because it's suppose to be confidential information. Why don't you talk to him maturely & tell him to just go out & find a job he will enjoy? Your better off supporting him rather than nagging him. Your support will motivate him to change & do better in life. Nagging will just make him worse. Be a good wife & help him with whatever is troubling him.
2007-05-04 08:10:41 · answer #8 · answered by sugarBear 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
My God, please think about how he feels. The shame, the guilt and the fear or being a failed Father, and Husband. This is one reason why men turn to drugs and drinking. He feels like such a failure. You need to be supportive of him and he needs to feel safe (emotionally) with you in order to be honest with you. He probable has been trying to get another job. Yea the lie is bad, but why did he feel the need to lie to you in the first place?
2007-05-04 08:01:22 · answer #9 · answered by April First 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
It seems that your husband's pain doesn't matter to you.
He hates his job so much that he is putting his family in an unstable place financially. It doesn't matter to you that he hates his job. You are only upset by how his actions effect you. What happened about caring for the man? Wanting him to be happy?
2007-05-04 08:00:41 · answer #10 · answered by snack_daddy10 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋