Here’s the situation. My wife grew up in a household where her mother always showed her sporatic love. Meaning her mother would love her, get really mad and pull her love for her, expect the kids to come to her, make them feel like crap, then she’d love them again. It was really drama filled. My wife acts the same way. Totally irrational behavior at times, strange mood swings, distancing herself from everyone, expects people to come to her, is a victim when we fight. It’s like she loves drama or she is constantly testing me to see how much I’ll put up with. This includes very,very, irrational controlling behavior sometimes with bouts of being very rational. It’s like she’s addicted to drama or needs excitement in her life. Now that she’s turning 30, has gained some weight, and has the big things covered in her life (marriage and children) she’s like turning into overdrive because maybe she’s realizing that this is just typical life from now on. How can I get this to stop? Maybe it will level out in her 30’s. I’m hoping. It’s like she doesn’t want a normal, rational life. She also knows she is like this and hates herself for it. It’s like she wants a normal life but can’t seem to do it. It’s like she needs constant love because her mother tested it so much. Any other women out there do this to their husband? What does he do to make you stop it? I’ve tried it all. It’s like I’m expecting her next to say “hey I just had an affair, still love me?” The tests just keep going on and on and…. I want to say “For god’s sake I love you already!”
2007-05-04 07:32:24 · 17 answers · asked by survivor 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Get her to read "Bad Childhood, Good Life" By dr laura schlessinger. My mom sucked too.
2007-05-04 07:39:12 · answer #1 · answered by snugglybugglys 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Unfortunately, my husband married someone like that.... Me! I also grew up in a very dysfunctional family, was raped by a brother, never received love from my mother, and was sent off to live with an aunt for a year, until she went overseas and I had to return home. At the age of 13 my mother wanted to have me adopted. I was eventually shipped off to a "Boarding"School, and stayed there until I finished my schooling. I had a very difficult time accepting that anyone could love me, since I got very little at home. I tested my husband's love in every way I could possibly think of, and even though he stayed, could still not believe that he really did love me. The only way I got through this, was to go to a therapist. I am now a much older, wiser and happier woman, and now realize what a wonderful person my husband is for sticking with me through all the hurt I put him through. I hope your wife can get the same help that I did, and that the two of you will be able to work through this. Please, just know that it is not easy to convince yourself that you are loved, when all you have grown up with is rejection. good luck to both you and your wife.
2007-05-04 09:01:02 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
Your wife was raised in a dysfunctional house hold. She had a mother who one minuted loved her and the next minute hated her. You are surprised she is doing this with you. She need to go to counseling and let it all out. It will make for a happier life, wife and marriage. I am sure you are a great guy and will even go with her to get the ball rolling. Also, actions speak louder then words love is shown. Draw her a bath, cook her dinner, do something extra try to be understanding as I feel sorry for her and so should you. .
2007-05-04 07:51:50 · answer #3 · answered by Kat G 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are very patient for putting up with her, however, Children always resemble their parents in their behavior, and obviously it is part of her Mother's fault she is the way she is, but your wife is an adult and she should be able to tell right from wrong, she needs therapy and you thus far have been very patient with her, all she needs is the will to want to change and therapy. Good Luck!
2007-05-04 07:45:58 · answer #4 · answered by just curious 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I was married to a man like this. I was able to hang on for 15 years before I threw in the towel and called it quits. The constant neediness, insecurity and irrational behavior was just too much. My ex husband knew that he was not behaving normally. He would acknowledge it, but continue to behave this way. Perhaps things will be different with your wife. She is young now, but I would expect that as she nears menopause it will only get worse. Perhaps you can urge her to get therapy. Continuing on in this fashion is a sure fire way to ruin your relationship.
2007-05-04 07:44:22 · answer #5 · answered by sleepingliv 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
She sounds like an emotional wreck.. I'm sorry to hear you're going through this.. unfortunately, that's the only behavior she knows... and you'll never be able to change her... She needs to get counseling and realize what she's doing and want to stop... in the meantime you're at the receiving end... if you love her, just put a deaf ear and keep reassuring her... if she does anything to break your trust like cheat on you or abuse you physically, then move out... get some advise.
2007-05-04 07:38:22 · answer #6 · answered by Dee 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
sounds like hes marrying a gem.. I would not only not go to the wedding, I would stay away from them compleatly. Why are you socializing with someone who threatens to stab you and is pounding your head into a wall? I would have called the cops on her long time ago. Have you not seen all the news everyonce in a while when cops have been called into a wedding and the guests ( or even the bride and groom) have gotten arrested.. Just do yourself a favor and find other kinda company for yourself
2016-05-20 05:49:57 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
She doesn't seem emotionally mature enough. I'd suggest counseling, but not really couples counseling. Perhaps if you want to really just work on the marriage. But if you want you wife to be truly healthy, she's going to need work and emotional support and a psychologist is one of the best things a person can ever have. Love her and be there for her, but if she keeps testing you, it means shes feeling unsure and its time for you to do something serious.
2007-05-04 07:38:41 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Sounds " EXACTLY" like my mother = She Is Bipolar and to this day the smallest or most normal of life issues become a " Major Ordeal" when it happens to her.
If yous is bipolar she needs medication - that don't just go away but untreated it can be hell living with this type of person - oh my God just wait until menopause hits !!
2007-05-04 07:55:42 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Get this book....
The Bonds That Make Us Free
by C. Terry Warner
It is not an easy read.. you have to chew on it a bit, but I guarantee you will be better equiped to deal with your wife once you have read it.
You are right about your wife waving the "victim flag" around all the time.....It get's old....:-)
2007-05-04 07:46:15 · answer #10 · answered by flyfish_777 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋