My husband was flirting with a girl at work at she was taking "pictures" of herself on his phone. i dont know what else happened but they aren't messing around anymore. i started talking to a friend about it and he told me that his marriage was falling apart too. well we started to develop feeling for eachother. i was going to leave my husband about 2 months ago bc i couldnt let go of what he did. he found out that i was talking to the other guy through emails.we decided to try to work things out and things have gotten better. but i told him 2 days ago that still had feelings for this other man but that i loved him and i wanted his help to get me through this. i want to know why i have these feelings if love my husband. he just left me and went i dont know where in his car. he said he would be back later. i told i agreed to go to counseling but i dont know if he wants to now. what should i do about this? i do love him. i wanted to be honest with him about all of this. please help
2007-05-04 07:29:49 · 28 answers · asked by jody g 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
You and your husband BOTH need to grow up and either fix your marriage or divorce.
Open the phone book, contact a counselor, or an attorney.
Affairs are like heroin. Eventually they will kill your spirit.
Do the right thing, all the time, no matter how hard it is, and you will be happy.....
2007-05-04 07:33:42 · answer #1 · answered by flyfish_777 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Being straight forward with him was the right thing 2 do :: now its like since you was being honest it just made it worse... I would just tell you for real for real 2 stop talkin 2 this other guy get your mind off him and pay more attention to your husband... I mean if he push you away dont just leave him there to wonder what to do help him out... the thought that your still there for him when times are bad will matter :: You both will have to face the fact that yall was interested in other people it hurts you because you wasnt #1 in his life at the time and now he knows how it feels not to be #1 in your life :: its like a lesson that you two both learned at the same time... What goes around comes around... We all can tell that yall are in love because when one feels pain the other can too... :: if you want to work it out then think about doing what i wrote... if you want to move on then explain it 2 him.. Also ask him how he feels about it... make him talk 2 you...... It'll get better
Good Luck
2007-05-04 07:50:55 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm in kinda sorta the same situation. A couple of weeks ago, I found myself falling for my husband's friend. My hubby is never there for me, never hangs out with me,etc. So this friend of ours I grew really attached to and we ended up kissing..just kissing. I didn't tell hubby because I didn't want to ruin our relationship AND his friendship. Yesterday, he found out, from a different friend. So everyone knew before he knew and it is a big mess. I DO like the friend, a lot, but nothing can come of it obviously,due to the circumstances. I love my husband, I just don't know if I am in love with him still. He says he loves me with all his heart, but I haven't seen him show it since we got engaged. Anyway, long story short, we are going to try counseling, I never thought I'd be in this predicament...ever.
I've always been an honest caring loving person, but I guess love is a strange thing. Give and take. If there's too much give and no take, then some drama is bound to happen I suppose, in my case anyway. I just wish I could get my hubby to give every now and then.
2007-05-04 07:40:09 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
He left in his car inorder to sort his emotions out. You have put the ball in his court and he is now trying to decide what he wants.
You did the right thing in telling him and admiting your mistake. The level of honesty you showed him in admiting your feelings will go a long way. When ever he comes home, tell him that you didn't plan on hurting him the same way he hurt you, you never intended for this to happen and that you truly want to salvage your marrige. Let him know how much you need him and want him around and that you hope in your heart that he can forgive you the same as you have forgiven him.
Good luck, I hope you can work it out with your husband.
(if he decides to stay, I strongly recomend councleing. The reasion both of you started to stray is becuse both of you felt you wernt being compleatly fulfilled by eachother, counciling will help you find what you were lacking and hopefuly you will be able to fill that part of eachothers life, thus shutting the door to this ever happening again).
2007-05-04 07:47:34 · answer #4 · answered by honest guy 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You're only human, and everyone makes mistakes.
You have to determine what your feelings are in regards to this other person. Is it lust? Whatever it is...you need to stop, think about everything that would be ruined if you and your husband were to divorce. Think about it, what have you and your husband accomplished together as a team? Did you buy a house? Did you have kids? Do you two pursue the dreams that you both have together?
You know in your heart that you love your husband. Are these feelings you have for another worth losing all of that?
He also needs to think about what he is doing as well.
If a situation arises where you think about being with someone else, think of the consequences of that action.
Ask yourself if it's worth losing your marriage over this.
Finally, get out of that situation. Discontinue the dialog with that other person. They are a distraction on the road of life that you and your husband share.
One last thing, get some GOD in your life. Find a church and become involved.
These are my priorities (in order):
1) GOD
2) Family
3) Friends
4) Everyone/everything else.
2007-05-04 07:55:17 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Love is accepting someone for who they are.
Being in love is more about loving the dream of how you think life will be with that person rather than the person themselves.
Telling your husband about your feelings only caused your husband pain. You wanted to that your husband loved you. Well the answer was yes, because you can't hurt someone that doesn't care about you. The thing is now you have to try and dig through the scare tissue you caused. Its a slow process. It takes years to know someone and build up trust and you decided to test it by stabbing him in the heart.
Honesty is not a good thing all the time.
If you really love him figure out how to have fun just by being with him.
2007-05-04 07:49:21 · answer #6 · answered by snack_daddy10 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think that their is mistrust in both directions of your marriage. For your marriage to work you will both have to learn to trust each other again. If you are having feelings for another man you might want to take this time and figure out if you still love your husband or if the marriage is just more a convience and safe place for you. Its hard to leave what you know and what is safe, but if its not making you happy anymore then you need to find the courage to leave it. Your husband also needs to make the same decision because aparently he is having the same issues.
2007-05-04 07:37:59 · answer #7 · answered by Dee29 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would have to ask you.Do you know what love is?Not trying to be funny or nothing..If he cheated on you and you forgave him.Then seeing another man is not gonna help you out any.
I would say you dont truly love your husband.Because you really cant love somebody and have strong feelings for someone else.
You should take a really good look inside yourself.Maybe when he cheated on you.You lost that love that you had.I am not blaming you.Just offering suggestions.
Its really confusing even for me.So I am not gonna say i understand.Because I dont.You need to do some soul searching and ask yourself some hard questions.You already know the questions.Now you have to come up with the answer for you.Be honest with yourself and I know you will find it.
You seem like a down to earth kinda girl that got hurt.And when this friend offered you a shoulder to cry on.You mistook this as a chance to get even.Now you are stuck and not sure what to do.
You will work it out if you are honest with yourself about your feelings and emotions.
best of luck to you.
2007-05-04 08:06:11 · answer #8 · answered by kenneth h 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
You BOTH opened doors that you shouldn't have, and stepped into the nasty goo on the other side. It stinks, and you can BOTH choose to clean it up or wallow in it.
Counseling is more than likely needed, as you both feel like the other betrayed you.
Your marriage is salvageable if you want it to be. The feelings you have for the other guy are there because you were looking for a replacement for your husband subconsciously.
2007-05-04 07:40:54 · answer #9 · answered by BigNate 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Let me tell you from someone that was married 30 years. Hang on to your husband. There is nothing better out there..Go to counseling. You are probably attracted to the "high" of the risk, being with the other guy. Save your marriage, most flings don't last. Good Luck
2007-05-04 07:37:04 · answer #10 · answered by valleygirlsm52 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋