Ok so my ex & I r trying to wrk things out after being apart for 4 mos., he drank alot wen we 1st split up but now he's drinking even more. The last few nites he's been drunk & he's unbearable, not violent just obnoxious, rude to ppl, irrogant, thinks he can fight every1 wen he's never been in a fight in his life. He's 29 yrs old, we have 3 kids & I feel like I'm at a whole other level then him. I don't drink like that, I got a good job, I can take care of myself but startd feelin guilty about not tryin to give my family another chance so I went back to him. I tell him he has a problem & he says NO I DONT. How can I get him to see that he does?? This is mean but I've been prayin for somethin like a DUI, mayb that can snap him out of it, mayb seeing the booze effect him in other ways can snap him out of it...I luv him sober but CANT STAND him drunk..totally 2 different ppl...should I just let him go & move on like I had been or stick by him & keep tryin to make it work?? PLZ HELP!
2007-05-04 07:01:18 · 37 answers · asked by justbeingme_ 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
You've got to be kidding with this question right?
Do you hear yourself? First of all...
You're a MOTHER... and your children are being exposed to this madness! How can you be on a "whole other level then him" when you are walking on the same ground hand in hand (so to speak).... C'mon sister! PLEZE!!!!
Get a grip and move on.. And don't wish for him to have a DUI.. because he may just kill someone. Obviously you have children and care about them a great deal... would it be ok if a person who drinks as much as he does has a DUI and hurts someone in your family... at the expense of having to "learn a lesson" Think not!!!!
So here's the answer about sticking by him and making it work... .... "NO" you can't help him.... You need to help yourself along with your three children to have a healthy life emotionally and physically...A life that is free from a destructive alcholic. Move on.. better yet... RUN!!!!!
One day he'll hit rock bottom and by the grace of God hopefully find out what he's been doing to himself and his family and his body. The danger he places himself in is really scary, especially when he challengers other people. One day someone may take him up on his offer and "JACK" him up. There's a whole lot of people who enjoy hurting people and would have not one problem adding your man to the list. Of course you know that could get not only very ugly but very deathly serious.
Each day you stay around this diseased person is another day that your children are exposed to this behavior. His behavior has the potential of ruining their lives and the worst is they may eventually become alcholics or perhaps repeat your mistake when they get older by entertaining an alcholic as a partner. Every day your children are absorbing both your habits, behaviors and lifestyle choices, and his too.... and quite frankly, they deserve MUCH better.
The only other thing you may be able to do for him before you leave is to get some information on AA meetings and a good counselor... other than that....
Get it together... take care of your children and move the heck on with a quickness.
2007-05-04 07:37:29 · answer #1 · answered by 247 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You KNEW he had a drinking problem and made not one not 2 but 3 BABIES with this guy? If you wan to get the point across tell him to go into rehab get off ALL the alcohol(youre going to have to give it all up too if you want this to work, so you have to decide, what do you want more, your few drinks or him?) and then tell him after he has been sober a yr and has kept a job, a place to stay a car then and ONLY then will you consider reconciliation.Tell him thats the ONLY way you will be reconciled.Then tell him he WILL marry you before you live together again.Meantime go to some alanon classes.He has to see the need to change and have the desire to change before he will make an effort.You cant keep alcohol in the same place your alcoholic b/f is living in.He has a weakness for it and you dont so you shouldnt mind being a "T totaller".You wont die if you dont drink it.You may say"well thats not fair that Ihave to give it up" yes, but well life isnt fair and then we die dont we? It isnt fair he is addicted to it and your not either now is it?
2007-05-04 07:09:47 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You can not.... I have been giving my daughter's father a second chance for the last 7 years. I hate to tell you this but a DUI will do nothing for him except make the lives of everyone around him much harder. Alcoholics, and don't kid yourself, he is an alcoholic will use ANY AND EVERY reason they can think of to drink. You need to move on with your life, as I finally have learned to do, and let him do what ever it is he is going to do. It is a vicious cycle that is hard to break away from and the longer you stay in the situation the more addicted YOU become. It sucks to "break up" the family, but he is already broken and the influence he wields on the children while in the same house is a LOT more detrimental than him having supervised sober visits. Get out now before you waste anymore time!
2007-05-04 07:13:44 · answer #3 · answered by head_kase13 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Nobody can make him stop drinking, go to alanon....his drinking will ruin your whole family....dont try to talk to him when he is drunk....I was married to a drunk for 10 years...
I finally got a divorce.......never been happier....my ex was an athlete, good standing citizen. but, the booze came before anything else including, his children and wife...he has been thru bankruptcy and job losses since the divorce....the children and I are doing fine.... if you stay with him it will get worse. I dont mean to sound so negative...I just have been there, if he is an alcoholic there all the same... very sick people, they cant help it....if he does stop, you might have a chance... but, only he can put the booze down....we cant do it for them...good luck to you and your children..
2007-05-04 08:16:45 · answer #4 · answered by joce k 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
as the wife of an alcholic, i think the most important thing for u to know is u cant change him. this is a disease he has to control, it he says he doesnt have a problem then he is in denial and will not change himself until he realizes he has the problem, he has to hit rock bottom. and every rock bottom is different. no one can tell when or how he will hit his bottom. keep u and ur kids safe and healthy, remember this is a disease and is hereditary. try an alanon meeting or they also have a website, also a great movie that may help u understand is My Name is Bill W. or Stand by Your Man. good luck and remeber u r not the one with the problem. take good care of ur self and when u can no longer do that with him it is time to consider doing so with out him
2007-05-04 07:24:05 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You can't get anyone to stop drinking nor help them realize anything until they're ready. I have no idea what it is like to love someone who has an addiction. I do know that it's not as easy as everyone says to just leave him because you love him and always will love a part of him. You will always love the part of him that doesn't drink. So, you're torn because your heart is telling you something different than your head but he isn't going to change until he is ready. So my advice to you is to do what you what you think is best for you and your children. You can grow as a person and realize things that need change even if he isn't ready and who knows if he'll ever be but by the sound of what you're saying you are ready.
2007-05-04 07:12:59 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like he loves the alcohol more than anything else. People don't just "snap out" of an addiction. It takes time and is not easy. It is even tougher when the person does not realize they have a problem. Many go their whole lives in complete denial, and ruin relationships and other things they had going on in their lives because of the problem that they can't admit to. It is up to you on whether you can tolerate this, because it takes so much more than any love you can give him to resolve his alcohol issues.
2007-05-04 07:05:20 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
NO to visine!!!! I have heard that it can be very toxic. Not worth hurting your loved one, or getting in trouble. It is hard to make people see how they effect others when they are drunk. Try video taping him when he doesn't know it. You don't want him to know, because it will propbably make him angry. You don't want him to try to get into a fight with you. People can be violent when they are drunk. Maybe this will alow him to see what an idiot he acts like and wake him up when he sees it with his own eyes. Show it too him when he is sober. (Not hung over either.) Until he fixes his problems, keep him away from the children when he is drunk. This is important.
2007-05-04 07:29:31 · answer #8 · answered by micheflatt 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Call the local AA group and talk to them they can help you. My father was an alcoholic and no matter how hard I tried he wouldn't stop drinking. He recovered when his wife finally told him that if he took one sip she was leaving. He went checked in to rehab and went to AA and has been sober ever since. It wasn't easy for him or any of us but we got through it. I pray you will too. Do something about it now for the sake of your kids. If you love him stay and work it out with him, If you don't love him then leave. Alcoholism is an illness that most people can not control on their own so your going to need help and support from an out side source. Good Luck to you.
2007-05-04 07:13:28 · answer #9 · answered by MAGS 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He has to acknowledge that there is a problem before you can help him. If he can't do that, he'll never stop. He's going to drag you down with him too. If you keep allowing these actions to occur in your presence you are enabling his problem drinking. You're going to end up in car wreck with him or he's going to get angry and hurt you or your children. Is that what you want? Catch him sober and tell him whether he believes it or not he has a problem and if he doesn't face it you are going to leave him. If that doesn't work then he must not care enough for you and it's time to go.
I wish you the best!
2007-05-04 07:13:16 · answer #10 · answered by Alchemist 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋